Bit Off More Than It Could Chew

, , , , , | Friendly | February 20, 2019

(I overhear this conversation between my English teacher and one of the other English teachers before class. My teacher is holding her computer charger.)

Teacher: “So, you know, cats are like sharks. They don’t bite things to bite them; they bite them to feel them since they don’t have hands. Well, [Cat] quickly found out just how ‘spicy’ this wire was yesterday.”

Like… Like An Owl?

, , , , , | Learning | February 19, 2019

This year’s English teacher is a nice lady, but she’s very strict about quiet time. When the class is supposed to be doing “individual activities,” e.g. writing down instructions or notes, if she hears a single word, she’s on the case of the student responsible.

Sometimes, my neck has a tendency to crack loudly as my head, of its own accord, jerks to face in the other direction. This happens just as “quiet time” begins and I hiss in pain, and from the other side of the room, the teacher hears.

“Did you not just hear me?” she says, glaring. “I said silent!

While she may be good at spotting troublemakers, she didn’t seem to notice that my head was briefly facing in the wrong direction.

Epitomizing “Awkward Turtle”

, , , , , , , | Learning | February 18, 2019

This happened in my junior life science class. The teacher was young and good looking but completely socially awkward and odd. He often laughed at his own jokes that really weren’t funny. One class in particular sticks in my head as the weirdest thing I ever witnessed.

We were studying the reproductive practices of different animals, sea turtles specifically on this day. Instead of just explaining it,  the teacher decided to do a… demonstration.

He proceeded to put a large cardboard box on his back to look like a turtle, placed a small container with sand in the back of the class — right next to my chair — and lay “eggs” to bury in the sand.

By eggs, I mean golf balls, which he placed between his legs and dropped into the sand to simulate laying eggs. Unfortunately for me, I was right in the view of his backside. It was the most awkward thing to ever happen to me in a class, and I about fell out of my chair, exclaiming, “OH, MY GOD!”

However, to this day, I do still remember exactly how sea turtles reproduce, so I guess his method worked?

I’d Like An Ice-Cream Planet Myself

, , , , , | Learning | February 14, 2019

(My film studies class has been watching “Planet of the Apes.” The second day of the film, the teacher takes a few minutes to ask if anyone has questions about the movie or the notes we’ve been taking. One student voices a complaint:)

Student: “How come they ended up in a field? Weren’t they on a desert planet?”

Teacher: “Well, they thought they were on a desert planet, because they didn’t see any plant life, but they just happened to land in a desert.”

Student: “But that doesn’t make sense! Either they’re on a desert planet or on a living planet; you can’t have both!”

(By now, several other students are snickering.)

Teacher: “Well, what type of planet is Earth? Earth has deserts and fields, and polar regions–“

Student: “Earth is an Earth planet!”

(The entire classroom bursts out laughing. The teacher sighs, turns around, and pretends to write on the whiteboard.)

Teacher: “Today on Things Said in [Teacher]’s Class: ‘Earth is an Earth Planet.'”

To A Teenager, It Will Never Not Be Funny

, , , , , , , | Learning | February 13, 2019

I was in Grade 9 in the 1970s.

Our science class had just started a new unit on mass, or gravity, or something like that. Our teacher, a young, pretty cool guy, was a very visual teacher, using props, video, or whatever he thought would help.

At the beginning of the lesson, our teacher stood in front of thirty fourteen-year-olds, holding a tennis ball and a golf ball, and said loud and clear, “Class, I have two balls.”

He had to leave the room for about ten minutes while we finished laughing hysterically.

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