Ihely The Eighth

, , , , , , , | Learning | September 30, 2018

(I live in Australia. My ninth-grade history class is doing a task involving presenting a replica artifact to a seventh-grader, who fills out a sheet with a couple of questions about it. A pair of girls — both white, so I’d assume they’d be familiar with Western name structure — come up to me and my friend. While he’s stuck with a girl who doesn’t know the meaning of law, I get this one. The first thing to fill out on the sheet is the name of the ninth-grader they’re talking to.)

Girl: “What’s your name?”

Me: “Henry.”

Girl: “Can you spell that?”

Me: “Uh… H-E-N-R-Y.”

(She wrote, “I-H-E-L-Y.”)

Can You Speak Asian?

, , , , , | Learning | September 28, 2018

(This takes place in Spanish class. We are talking about how there are different dialects for different people, and how a lot of families in America speak more than one language because of how diverse we are. There just so happens to be an Asian student in our class. The teacher looks right at the student before saying this.)

Teacher: “[Student], what other languages does your family speak?”

(Everyone in class turns to look at the student awkwardly.)

Student: “Um, English?”

(I don’t know if the teacher realized the awkward tension or that she was being racist, but she quickly moved on with an, “Oh, just asking.” The student was embarrassed for the rest of class and the teacher did everything to avoid being near them.)

Time To Take A Brake

, , , , , , | Learning | September 26, 2018

(My high school driver’s education teacher loves telling this story about a girl who graduated a few years before me. The girl is practicing driving around town while the teacher quizzes her on different signs and rules along the way.)

Teacher: “Who has the right of way if you’re turning left?”

Me: “The other car.”

Teacher: “What’s that sign; the yellow triangle with a curved arrow?”

Girl: “Sharp turn ahead.”

Teacher: “What if it has a squiggly arrow?”

Girl: “Wavy road?”

Teacher: “Okay. Let’s go down this hill here. What about that sign?”

Girl: *reads the sign aloud* “Brake retarders prohibited.” *she gasps* ” Mr. [Teacher]! That’s terrible!”

Teacher: “Why?”

Girl: “That’s racist!”

(Apparently, my teacher was so shocked he made her pull over and wouldn’t let her drive anymore. He explained what it actually meant and the girl was embarrassed, but he still couldn’t believe she had said that. And yes, she has her license.)

Somewhere, Over The Ramen Bowl…

, , , , | Learning | September 20, 2018

(In acting class, our teacher is talking about character and monologues. She gives an example of Dorothy from “The Wizard of Oz.”)

Teacher: “There’s many things you need to know about a character when you perform him or her onstage, whether it’s their age, character traits, location, or backstory.”

(After three minutes of discussion, she comes up with this:)

Teacher: “There’s some things that you don’t really need to know about your character unless it’s explicitly stated, like religion for example. I don’t care if Dorothy likes or hates the Flying Spaghetti Monster.”

What’s The French Word For “Macabre”?

, , , , , | Learning | September 14, 2018

(I am in Honors French 3, and we are learning verbs that have to do with love and hate. Our teacher is trying to get us to write a story about love. This all takes place in French. Sophie and Jacques are the story’s characters.)

Teacher: “So, Jacques tries to find Sophie but he can’t, and starts crying. Then what?”

Student #1: “Sophie comes over.”

Teacher: “And asks, ‘Why are you crying?’ And he says, ‘I thought I’d never find you.’ And then what happens?”

Student #2: “Sophie kills Jacques!”

Teacher: “With what?”

Student #3: “A fork!”

Teacher: “How?”

Student #4: “She stabs him in the eye, then the ear.”

Teacher: “So, Jacques falls to the ground, and then what happens?”

Student #5: “Sophie eats Jacques!”

Teacher: “This is in a park… What do the people walking by say?”

Student #6: “They also start eating Jacques! It’s a buffet!”

(We all found this hilarious and couldn’t stop laughing. The teacher called our sense of humor macabre.)

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