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The Wrath Of The Lunch Lady Scorned

, , , , , , | Learning | CREDIT: BraxHecker | September 6, 2021

I am sixteen and I have type-one diabetes. I have been diagnosed for a bit more than a year and a half. I’ve kept good control over it and the doctors are always impressed when I have a checkup.

I take insulin ten to fifteen minutes before I eat so it has time to take effect. With the school lunch, there are two options: a chicken salad and a cheeseburger. I decide to go with the cheeseburger. I take my insulin and go up the line. I grab a to-go box, but before I take two steps:

Friend: “Wait, that’s a salad.”

I set the box back down and go to grab a different box, but the lunch lady shouts at me.

Lunch Lady: “Hey, don’t you dare!”

I look at her and she looks at me like I just slapped a puppy in the face.

Me: “What’s wrong?”

Lunch Lady: “You already grabbed the salad, so you have to take the salad.”

Me: “But I haven’t even opened it. I’m a diabetic and I already took insulin.”

She shakes her head.

Lunch Lady: *Sickly sweet* “I’m sorry, that’s not my problem. Take the salad and go sit down now!”

Me: “But I’m a diabetic, and—”

Lunch Lady: “Take the salad or you don’t get anything.”

I’m a little pissed at this point so I take the salad and go off to my table with my friends and tell them the situation. They removed the vending machines in the cafeteria over the summer so there is no way for me to get the correct amount of carbs without stealing another kid’s cheeseburger. One of my friends tells me I should go get the principal quickly before the insulting fully sets in.

I go to the office and tell him and the counselor the situation, a little panicked because it has been well over ten minutes since I took insulin. The principal walks me back up to the cafeteria.

Principal: “[Lunch Lady], give him the cheeseburger. He really needs it.”

Lunch Lady: “But he already took a salad. He can deal with it.”

The principal just sighs, grabs the cheeseburger box, and shoves it into my hands and tells me to go sit down. I sit relatively close to the lunch line so my friends and I can hear the principal.

Principal: “How you acted was truly out of line. I thought you understood to treat students’ health situations with care and understanding.”

He told her off for another minute before heading back to his office, and I got to eat my lunch in peace. Maybe she’ll know better next time.

Personally, I Prefer Giraffes

, , , , | Learning | September 2, 2021

This takes place around the 2008 election. I am in high school and one of my classmates is trying to get our teacher off topic.

Classmate: “Who are you voting for?”

Teacher: “We’re not discussing this.”

Classmate: “Are you a republican or democrat?”

Teacher: “Moving on, [Classmate].”

Classmate: “Okay, okay. On a completely different topic. Which animal do you prefer? Elephants or donkeys?”

Shady, Seedy, But Not The Least Bit Weedy

, , , , , | Learning | August 14, 2021

In high school, I had a friend who had access to many different kinds of tea. We bonded as fellow tea-drinkers in a country that vastly prefers coffee, and sometimes we swapped recommendations over text or during our lunch period.

One day, she got a box of herbal tea bags and offered me some. I accepted the offer and we decided to do the exchange at lunch the next day.

We were halfway through the process when we realized that we were high school students in the middle of a lunch area and she was giving me a plastic bag full of little baggies of green plant matter.

I’m still so glad no one mistook the tea for weed!

Their Example Went Up In Vapors

, , , , | Learning | August 10, 2021

I was in my sophomore year of high school when vaping really started to kick off into becoming a more “mainstream” thing. Once people started doing it at school, administration decided to bring in some guest speakers to try and curb the issue. Those guest speakers ended up being two uniformed police officers and a guy in handcuffs.

The officers gave the typical “vaping is bad for your health” presentation before letting the handcuffed man speak. He proceeded to tell us about how he had gotten a hold of some knockoff vape juice packs. Apparently, he had then sold some to someone our age who ended up dying from them since they were contaminated, and he had been among those arrested for the whole situation. He also told us his full name.

Almost immediately after the talk, some younger students looked the guy up, and do you know what they found? The handcuffed man was also a police officer! The fact that the sob story they used to try and scare us was completely fabricated spread quickly and immediately turned the entire talk into a laughing stock amongst students and teachers alike. Apparently, administration wasn’t in on this little scheme either and they were livid, although I’m not sure if anything ever came out of it from them.

Well, You Have Our Attention

, , , , , | Learning | August 8, 2021

It’s my freshman year of high school, and my biology class is just finishing up our nervous system unit with a test. The class is deathly quiet when, suddenly, this woman from the front office pops into our room, yells, “PENIS!” and darts right back out and down the hall. Our teacher almost immediately starts choking on her spit trying not to laugh out loud as she briefly goes into the hall to calm down, leaving all of us completely baffled as to what the h*** just happened.

It turns out that our next unit is on the reproductive system, and our teacher asked the woman — a good friend of hers — to come to all of her classes to yell that as part of our teacher’s tactic to get our immature amusement of the topic out of our systems in the first lesson. Unfortunately for her, our teacher forgot to mention that our specific class period was running a class behind her other periods, so all she really did was scare and confuse the crap out of us during a test!