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Turns Out She Was Deadly Serious

, , , , , | Learning | March 6, 2023



When my best friend was in middle school, she unfortunately lost her mother. 

The first year of high school, although she obviously didn’t forget her, she went on with her life. But around February, the month of her mum’s death, she had a little bout of depression which resulted in a drop in grades.

The form teacher asked to see her with a parent (her father).

Form Teacher: “The first term went well, but the grades have dropped a lot lately.”

Friend: “Yes, it’s difficult around February. That’s when my mother passed away.”

Form Teacher: *Shocked* “You don’t lie about these things!”

Father: “She isn’t lying.”

Form Teacher: “But she often talks about her stepfather.”

Father: “Yes, her mother and I divorced several years before her death, and she remarried in the meantime.”

Form Teacher: “But she still sees her stepfather?”

Father: “I know that officially the stepparent has no rights after a death if he remains a parent, but we insist that she continues to see him. He also took care of her education.”

Form Teacher: “So, her mum is really dead?”

Father: *Exasperated* “YES!”

The form teacher apologised. Did the teacher really think that having divorced parents made it impossible for them to die of anything other than old age?

Bad Advice, But Was Their Spanish Good At Least?

, , , , | Learning | March 4, 2023

In Spanish class, we’re learning about food, as well as words relating to food. We did an assignment imagining someone asking for advice on what food-related choices to make and what we should say to them.

Assignment: *In Spanish* “The fresh/healthy food costs a lot, and I only have a little money. What healthy food can I buy on a limited budget?”

Student: *In Spanish* “Steal it!”

Raining On Their Own Parades

, , , , , , , | Friendly | March 1, 2023

In Norway, we have something called the “russ celebration”. It’s to celebrate when we graduate high school and is generally just a bunch of young adults partying and behaving wildly.

While the celebrations have escalated wildly over the last couple of decades, costing enormous sums of money for decorated vehicles, stereo sets, and going to festivals, one of the longest-running traditions is that the “russ” have to participate in our Seventeenth of May parade; that’s our Constitution Day. That also means that, traditionally, the night before is the biggest party night. For our American readers, this whole thing kind of becomes like spring break and the Fourth of July all rolled up in one.

When I was a “russ”, I wasn’t drinking much; I was one of the people organizing the parties rather than getting hammered all the time. (The legal drinking age in Norway is eighteen.) Some of the guys teased me a bit over this, but I felt like I didn’t really need to be on the sauce all the time. Therefore, while we partied all through the night on the sixteenth of May, I stayed relatively sober while my classmates got drunker and drunker. At this point, some of them really started teasing, saying ironically how much of a shame it was that I had to organize things and leave the drinking to them.

On the morning of the seventeenth, just before the big parade was due to start, most of the guys were hungover, probably still drunk. Then, it occurred to them that in order to drive their special vehicles in the parade, they’d have to be sober!

Suddenly, the light drinker was very much sought-after as I could fulfil the role of stand-in designated driver.

You’re Never Gonna Make It To The White House With That Enunciation!

, , , , , , | Learning | February 25, 2023

It’s the first day of World Literature class, and my teacher has started some activities where we can get to know each other better. One of the questions involves asking another person where they want to eat on their birthday.

Student #1: “And [Student #2] said that he wants to eat at the White House.”

Teacher: “Okay! That seems a little ambitious, but…”

Student #2: “I said The Lighthouse, the place over on [Street]!”

And Three Rights Make A Left

, , , , , , | Learning | February 23, 2023

My high school football coach was a great guy, but when he got excited or worked up, he had an interesting way with words. This happened at half-time when we were losing by only a few points.

Coach: “This is close, guys! We gotta get some energy going and get things turned around! Like a DJ, turn those tables 360 degrees!”

Player: “Wait… 360 degrees?”

Coach: “H*** yeah! All the way around!”

Player: “Coach, if we turn around 360 degrees, we’ll be going in the same direction. That means we’ll lose by even more.”

Coach: “Who cares about the numbers?! ALL THE WAY AROUND! Let’s go!”