Back in Swedish high school a few years ago, I had a friend (we’ll call him “NetFriend”) who got most of his facts from the American Internet, and he would constantly talk about pressing issues from the US as if they were current issues right now in Sweden or quote memes as if they were facts.

NetFriend, a bunch of other friends, and I were talking after a math class where we got our test results back.

Me: “So, how did everyone do on the math quiz?”

NetFriend: “Ah, man. I got, like, zero points.”

Friend #1: “What, you didn’t study?”

NetFriend: “Ah, it’s stupid anyway. We don’t learn real stuff here.”

Me: “What do you mean?”

NetFriend: “Like, we only study what numbers are called and how to find areas of triangles, not how to balance a budget or something important!”

Me: “Are you serious?”

NetFriend: “They should be teaching us stuff about reality, like how to pay our taxes and how to vote! How to, like, buy a house and stuff!”

We stare at him, disbelieving, as he continues on that line for a minute or two. I interrupt.

Me: “[NetFriend], can you read?”

NetFriend: “What?”

Me: “The math quiz was about percentages! The questions asked us to calculate interest, figure out how much you save if something is on sale for a certain percentage off, and figure out which job is more lucrative to pick if job A and B have different starting wages but one has a higher guaranteed raise, given three years. Isn’t that ‘real world’ enough?”

NetFriend: “I… didn’t… Well, you know…”

Friend #2: “No, we don’t know.”

NetFriend: “I didn’t… read all the questions.”

Me: “That might explain your low score, you dunce.”

Friend #1: “And have you also missed that the Civics test next week is about voting and taxes?”

NetFriend: “Is it?”

Later that day, I helped him summon the courage to talk to his math teacher about letting him retake the test. [Friend #1] helped him study the math, and [Friend #2] helped him with civics. He was OUR dunce, after all. He also promised to study more in the future, and he did finish high school with passing grades, so lesson learned, I guess.

This is a story from my first year of high school. A young boy with mobility issues attended a number of my classes; some days he would get around using a pair of crutches, and on bad days, he would use a wheelchair. He was also well below average height and suffered from what is known locally as “Wee Man Syndrome”. In other words, he would regularly try to pick fights with people much, much bigger than him for little or no reason. Although, he was fairly safe in the knowledge that nobody wanted to be known as the person who fought the small kid in a wheelchair.

That is, until the events of this story.

One day, in the middle of a class, our teacher had to step out. I don’t know why, but we were left unsupervised for what felt like a really long time, and most of us kids started to have a laugh and carry on.

Now, I forget what started it but the kid, who was using his crutches on this occasion, took exception to something a much taller boy said and made a critical error of judgment.

Wee Guy: “I want to fight you.”

Tall Kid: “What did you say?”

Wee Guy: “You heard me: I want to fight you. Square go, right now!”

His error of judgment here was that the kid he was speaking to had a reputation for being a bit wild and for not taking crap from anyone, not even from teachers (hence having spent a fair bit of time in detention).

Tall Kid: “Aye,. Okay, then. Let’s go.”

At that point, he got out of his seat and walked over to the Wee Guy’s desk. The Wee Guy promptly panicked and tried to hit him over the head with one of his crutches. The Tall Kid snatched the crutch out of the air, threw it away, and then picked the Wee Guy up by his collar.

Tall Kid: “Listen very carefully because this is the only warning you are getting. I don’t care that you can’t walk. I think you’re a coward because you pick fights knowing people don’t want to fight you. Well, the next time you talk crap to me or any of my pals, I am going to make you eat your crutches.”

Then, he shoved the Wee Guy back into his seat, picked the crutch up, slammed it onto the desk in front of him, and walked back to his own seat.

The teacher came back to class not long afterward, so that was pretty much the end of it, but funnily enough, I don’t recall the Wee Guy picking any more fights after this incident. I don’t remember what the class was, but I do remember the lesson.

Back in high school, I remember learning to make a circuit with wires, a battery, and a tiny lightbulb. The really smart kids also added a switch and learned how it connected and disconnected the circuit.

Present day, my fourteen-year-old turns to me and asks.

Kid: “Do you want to see my homework?”

Me: “Sure.”

They pull out all these wires and three little coloured lights — red, yellow, and green — and proceed to construct something. They’re connecting alligator clips and troubleshooting which bulbs need to be replaced. Finally, they have the whole thing put together.

Me: “Is this for an electrical class or something?”

Kid: “No. It’s for coding.”

And then they plug it into their computer and open up a program they wrote. I stare in wonder as the lights flash on and off. Red. Green. Yellow.

Kid: “That’s not right; these two are mixed up.”

They then reassemble it so they light up red, then yellow, and then green, muttering to themself as they go.

Me: “Hey, even with the signals being switched, that is still really impressive.”

Kid: “What? I haven’t started yet. This program just tests that I wired it properly. Here is my coding homework.”

And then the lights started flashing in a pattern with alternating speeds. I stood there with my mind blown, remembering my school days with the lightbulb, battery, and switch.

Kids these days.

One day, during a high school sports practice, my teammates and I got on the topic of our local Major League Baseball team. Our coach overheard us.

Coach: “When I was younger, I worked the concessions stand at the ballpark. Let me tell you: don’t ever get a hot dog before the fourth inning. That’s how long it would usually take to use up the hot dogs from the previous game.”

Me: “What if it’s the first game of the season?”

Coach: *In the exact same tone as before* “Let me tell you: don’t ever get a hot dog before the fourth inning.”

A new student is doing that awkward thing where the teacher forces them to introduce themselves in front of the whole class.

New Student: “Hi, my name is [New Student], and I am from Nigeria. That is in Africa.”

Teacher: “Does anyone have any questions for [New Student]?”

About ten hands go up.

New Student: “No, I have never seen a lion outside of a zoo.”

About ten hands go down.