The Wrong Kind Of Explorer

| Right | July 14, 2017

(My coworker and I are having a bad day after receiving lots of hard tasks. We get a call from a customer complaining about something wrong with his computer, so we tell him go to our office.)

Customer: “Hi, I talked with you on the phone about my Skype and Chrome not working and disappearing.”

Me: “Oh, yeah, let’s take a look.”

(At this point I’m going through his hard drive and checking downloads.)

Me: “I can’t see anything wrong with your Skype but I can’t see any trace of Chrome here.”

(Our boss comes in to check and I tell him the problem.)

Boss: “Are you sure that you had Chrome on the computer?”

Customer: “Yes, I used it yesterday before it disappeared.”

(I go and check through other browsers he has on his computer until I get to Explorer.)

Customer: “There it is! How did you find it?”

(It turned out that he never had Google Chrome, but used Explorer to go to Google.)

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The Puerile And The Frog

| Right | July 11, 2013

(I have a large collection of plants at my workplace, including a terrarium. I hear someone taking the lid off of it. When I look over, there are two customers rooting through it.)

Me: “Please don’t dig through that.”

Customer: “Huh?”

Me: “Don’t touch that. Those are all real plants, and that jar is glass. I don’t want it to break.”

Customer: “Is there a snake in there?”

Me: “…no.”

Customer: “D***! A frog?”

Me: “No. Just plants. Please put the lid back on.”

Customer: “There should be a frog. I wanted to let it loose in here!”

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Not Remotely Intelligent

, , , | Right | October 9, 2009

Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [Tech Support]. May I have your phone number, please?”

Caller: “This thing doesn’t f****** work!”

Me: “Sir, I’ll be happy to help you with that.”

Caller: “Just help me with this f****** thing!”

(Eventually, I find out he needs help with a DVD remote.)

Caller: “The movie doesn’t play! It doesn’t do a f***ing thing!”

(I hear the crunching of plastic as he tries to push the buttons really hard.)

Me: “Okay, sir, so you’re pressing the play button and it’s not working. Correct?”

Caller: “Which one’s the play button?”

Me: “The one that says ‘play’ above it. It should be in the shape of an arrow that’s pointing to the right.”

Caller: “I can’t read any of this s***! I don’t have anything like that. There’s just one that points to the left.”

Me: “Sir, go ahead and turn the remote around.”

Caller: “What, backwards?”

Me: “Yes, so that the other side points at the DVD player.”

Caller: “Oh… it works now!” *click*

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Just Wanted To Be Extra Extra Sure

, , , , | Right | May 25, 2008

(The power went out on campus. We have generator power in some parts of the school, particularly where I am. Then, an admin assistant calls…)

Me: “Help Desk, this is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Admin Assistant: “How can I shut my computer off?”

Me: “Okay. The beeping you hear in your room is a UPS. It’s going to keep your computer powered on for only about 19 minutes at best, so it’s good you called. Go into your Start menu and shut your computer down through the shutdown option.

Admin Assistant: “Okay, where?”

Me: *explains how to shut down a computer*

Admin Assistant: “I don’t see where you’re talking about.”

Me: “Okay, do you see your computer screen?”

Admin Assistant: “No, it’s dark in here. It’s dark everywhere. The power went out.”

Me: “Yes, I know. It’s out all over campus. ”

Admin Assistant: “Yeah, so I can’t see anything in here. My computer is off.”

Me: “Okay… your computer is off? Then why did you call? What do you need?”

Admin Assistant: “I don’t know. I just wanted to know how to shut my computer down.”

(I’m not kidding. This really happened. I’ve read similar stories on other web sites. But this is actually what happened to me when I was working a university help desk. Computer Science department, no less.)

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When Stupid Questions Attack

| Right | May 22, 2008

(While resetting a user’s password…)

Me: “Okay, the password needs to be at least seven characters long, has to have at least one upper case letter, one lower case letter, and one number.”

User: “What about an upper case number?”

Me: “…”

 

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