The Puerile And The Frog

| USA | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(I have a large collection of plants at my workplace, including a terrarium. I hear someone taking the lid off of it. When I look over, there are two customers rooting through it.)

Me: “Please don’t dig through that.”

Customer: “Huh?”

Me: “Don’t touch that. Those are all real plants, and that jar is glass. I don’t want it to break.”

Customer: “Is there a snake in there?”

Me: “…no.”

Customer: “D***! A frog?”

Me: “No. Just plants. Please put the lid back on.”

Customer: “There should be a frog. I wanted to let it loose in here!”

Not Remotely Intelligent

, | Texas, USA | Top

Me: “Hello, thank you for calling ***. May I have your phone number, please?”

Caller: “This thing doesn’t f***ing work!”

Me: “Sir, I’ll be happy to help you with that.”

Caller: “Just help me with this f***ing thing!”

(Eventually, I find out he needs help with a DVD remote.)

Caller: “The movie doesn’t play! It doesn’t do a f***ing thing!”

(I hear the crunching of plastic as he tries to push the buttons really hard.)

Me: “Okay, sir, so you’re pressing the play button and it’s not working. Correct?”

Caller: “Which one’s the play button?”

Me: “The one that says ‘play’ above it. It should be in the shape of an arrow that’s pointing to the right.”

Caller: “I can’t read any of this s***! I don’t have anything like that. There’s just one that points to the left.”

Me: “Sir, go ahead and turn the remote around.”

Caller: “What, backwards?”

Me: “Yes, so that the other side points at the DVD player.”

Caller: “Oh…it works now!” *click*

Dreams Really Do Fall Through

| Long Beach, CA, USA | Top

(My co-worker and I are sitting at the front desk, waiting for something to do, and this girl walks into our office.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Girl: “Hi! I was wondering if you’d marry me?”

Me: “Wait, what?”

Girl: “Will you marry me?”

Me: “I don’t even know you.”

Girl: “Well, my name is ****.”

(She then goes on to tell me her favorite things, her hobbies, and the name of her three-year-old pug. She even showed me a picture of it. Then she expected me to tell her about myself. I didn’t say a word, but my co-worker decided to join in the fun.)

Co-worker: “His name is ****. He loves hockey, playing video games…”

(This co-worker happens to be an ex-girlfriend, which is why she knows so much about me.)

Girl: “Wow, I imagined you being so different.”

Co-worker: “Nope, he’s really that lame.”

Girl: “Never mind then.”

Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

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