Only Wants The Salt Of The Earth

| AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Customer: “Excuse me, miss, do you have organic baking soda?”

Me: “Well, all of our baking soda is in the baking ingredients aisle, so if we have the baking soda you’re looking for it would be over here.”

(I walk over with her to that section and scrutinize the shelf, which you’d think I’d know by heart by now, considering I face it every night. There is only single option for baking soda to minimize shelf space, which is labeled “pure baking soda.”)

Me: “Okay, it looks like all we have is this one. But it’s a good amount for the price.”

Customer: “Is it organic?”

Me: “It isn’t organic certified. But all baking soda is just sodium bicarbonate, or a sodium particle bonded with two carbon molecules, so it’s basically all the same.”

Customer: “So it isn’t organic?”

Me: “The term really isn’t applicable to baking soda. It’s a basic mineral, not an agricultural product; therefore it can’t be GMO or treated with pesticides. A mineral technically isn’t an organic material at all.”

Customer: “Well, I can get organic baking soda in [Other State].”

Me: “Sure, they might put that on the box and have it certified organic, but what you’re buying is fundamentally the same thing. It’s like how there are apple products that don’t say gluten free, even though there’s no such thing as an apple that contains gluten. Do you follow?”

Customer: *stares at me for a moment* “I guess I’ll just wait until I get home. I don’t want to buy anything that isn’t organic.”

(I resisted the urge to explain the difference between organisms and rock, then just smiled and walked away.)

They Can’t Bee Serious

| UK | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

(I work in a health food store that stocks a pretty good line of all kinds of different specialty honeys.)

Customer: *holds up jar* “Excuse me. This honey… is it from free-range bees?”

Unhappy Customers Can Sour The Milk

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

(A customer walks up to my cash register with a big carton of goat’s milk. He slams it down on my conveyor belt, looking angry and puffy.)

Customer: “Do you know the person that milked these goats?”

Me: *completely stunned* “Uh… no. I’m sorry, I don’t know who milked them. But I’m sure if you call the company that produces the milk and give them the batch number, they could put you in touch with the farmer, and HE OR SHE might know the person who operated the machine that milked the goats for that particular batch.”

Customer: “Machine?! The goats are milked with machines?!”

Me: “Probably… that IS how they do it most of the time. But I don’t know for sure. Like I said, if you contact the company they’ll be able to give you more information.”

Customer: “THIS IS RIDICULOUS. IT’S YOUR RESPONSIBILITY AS A STORE TO KNOW WHO HANDLES THE FOOD YOU SELL!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but there’s really nothing more I can do to help you, aside from suggesting you call the company. If I may, why do you want to know who milks the goats?”

Customer: “BECAUSE I NEED TO KNOW IF THEY’RE KEEPING THE GOATS HAPPY. IF A GOAT IS UNHAPPY WHILE IT’S BEING MILKED, THEN THE MILK WILL BE SOUR. IT’S TRUE! I SAW IT ON A TV PROGRAM!”

(He then paid for his milk and left with it anyway, while I tried very hard not to burst out laughing.)

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Taking Shots At Her Kids

| Canada | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

(My store serves a variety of health-drinks. Some of these are concentrated and fairly potent, so we serve them in the form of a ‘shot,’ although they don’t contain any alcohol. A customer comes in with two rowdy young children and orders one of our shots. Her kids are running around and shouting in the background.)

Customer: “I’m taking them back-to-school shopping today, and—STOP FIGHTING, JUST STOP—sorry.”

Coworker: “Here’s your shot ma’am!”

Customer: “Alright kids. Mommy’s going to take her shot now! At 10:30 in the morning! What am I doing with my life? At least it’s just wheatgrass…”