I was on a baby first aid course, and we were being told how to do CPR on a baby. A soon-to-be dad raises his hand to ask:

Soon-To-Be-Dad: “Are the rescue breaths sucking the air out of the baby’s mouth?”

Trainer: *After blinking a few times.* “No, you’re blowing into their mouth, not sucking out.”

Soon-To-Be-Dad: “But how can you be sure?”

Trainer: “Just do it how I showed you, and you should be good.”

His pregnant partner beside him gives him a gentle slap on the shoulders.

Pregnant Partner: “Honestly, Barry, calm down! You’re going to be a dad, not a dementor!”

I’m the author of this story. One of the classes I taught was defensive driving. In Texas, it is a felony to give someone credit for the class if they are not present for 100% of the class. This was emphasized strongly when getting licensed to teach.

The facility’s nurse was thirty minutes late; I apologized to her while telling her she’d have to reschedule.

Facility Nurse: “But I had car trouble!”

Me: “I understand, but I can’t let you in for this session.”

Facility Nurse: “It’s not my fault.

Me: “I believe you; I’m not doing it to punish you. It’s a felony for me to give you credit if you’re not here for the entire six hours. I’m really sorry, but I’m not going to risk it.”

She stomped off, yelling that I hadn’t heard the end of it.

The next day, I got a call from the executive director.

Executive Director: “I understand you kicked the nurse out of class yesterday.”

Me: “She was thirty minutes late. It’s a felony for me to let her in. I didn’t do it to punish her, but I’m not committing a crime for her.”

Executive Director: “What if it were me?”

Me: “I wouldn’t let you in either.”

Executive Director: “Okay then.”

Nothing more was said about it, but boy, did the nurse glare at me during the next class!

A few years back, I’m swimming with my three-year-old son. We had the pool to ourselves apart from one other lady.

The pool is L-shaped, split into the main bit with lanes, and a square bit that was notionally the kids’ pool, but only because it’s shallower.

My son was learning to swim without armbands, and so we were in the wide lane, while the lady was swimming in the narrow lane, labelled Adults Only.

After one length of my son swimming a whole length with me encouraging him, she says:

Lady: “You can’t swim here; this is adults only.”

Bull-s*** lady, you’re in the adults-only bit. Except, I can’t say that in front of my very eloquent three-year-old.

Me: “It’s just your lane that’s adults only, look, there’s the sign. My son is learning to swim lengths.”

She starts ranting at me about how she pays her membership fees (so do I, funnily enough) and I’m wrong (check the sign) and basically having a tantrum.

Lady, I’m Mum to a three-year-old. I can handle this behaviour, and I’m gonna speak to you exactly as I would to my child, probably in the same tone of voice, because I’m in Mummy mode, and my son is listening.

Me: “I can see you’re upset about this, but I’m very sorry, we are allowed to swim here.”

She rants a bit more, and I very calmly gentle parent her, until she eventually sputters and tells me:

Lady: “Shut up!”

And flounces off.

Son: “Mummy! She just told you to shut up! That’s so rude!”

I made no effort to speak quietly and said:

Me: “Yes, it really was. She was cross because she couldn’t get her own way. But you’re right, it’s very rude to say that to someone.”

We then proceeded to swim a good few more lengths, and I very vocally and cheerfully encouraged him the whole time.

Went to the front desk after to double-check I was right (I was). Apparently, she’d also been to complain and been told to suck it up.

I conducted training for a facility that provided services for people with learning disabilities and mental health issues. New hires were required to undergo a two-week orientation before moving on to their assigned position. Classes included CPR/First Aid, infection control, prevention and management of aggressive behavior, etc.

One new employee was constantly late to class, and not by five minutes, but sometimes an hour or more, missing vital information. I went to his supervisor.

Me: “You need to fire this guy. He is ALWAYS late and is not getting the information he needs. He’s going to be a problem for you and a danger to our clients.”

Supervisor: “No, we need him; we’re short-staffed.”

Me: “Well, you’re not going to have him anyway at this rate. The quicker he’s gone, the sooner you can get a replacement.”

Supervisor: “No, I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

One month goes by.

Me: “How’s [New Hire] doing?”

Supervisor: “Oh, we had to let him go; he was late for every shift.”

Wow, who’d thunk it?

An old couple walks in: the lady has slipped and fallen and has a broken radius and ulna.

Me: “So, you will need a slab and then a cast. I also advise some painkillers and calcium.”

Her husband speaks up.

Husband: “Is there another option beside cast.”

Me: “Why?”

Husband: “If she will have a cast who will do the chores in the house?”

This is rural India, so no washing machine and dishwasher. He expects this lady to wash his clothes and dishes with a broken hand.

Me: “You seem alright. Why can’t you do the work. She is your wife not your slave. Please go to the next room for a cast.”

They go to the next room, with the wife smiling at this point!