Out Of Control Birth Control

, | Working | January 29, 2014

(The health center at my school is notorious for being birth control pushers. I go in to get my sore throat checked out, since I am worried it might be strep.)

Me: “Hi. I’m [Name] and I’m here for a 1 pm appointment with [Nurse].”

Receptionist: “Oh, you must be here for birth control!”

Me: “No, actually—”

Receptionist: “The pill? Yeah, they can hook you up after a quick exam.”

Me: “No. I’m here for—”

Receptionist: “Or the nurse can teach you about spermicide! Or diaphragms!”

Me: “Actually I’m already on—”

Receptionist: “I think your best bet is the pill though. It’s the most effective and can be paired up with condoms!”

Me: *hoarse yelling* “STOP. AS IT SAYS IN MY CHART, I’M ALREADY ON THE PILL. I’m here for a sore throat!”

Receptionist: “Oh. OH. You’re [Name]! It’s my 1:30 who is here for birth control!”

(They examined me and told me I had mono, which ended up being wrong. On my way out, I saw a very uncomfortable-looking girl.)

Me: “Good luck.”

Girl: “Umm… thanks.”

Receptionist: “WAIT, [My Name]! DON’T FORGET A BAGGIE OF CONDOMS!”

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