That Had Better Be Tomato Sauce On The Pizza

, , , , , , , , | Working | November 12, 2019

I am the assistant manager at an Irish theme pub. It’s a busy Friday night and everything is going well. I decide to order pizza for myself and the rest of the staff, as we’ve all been on shift for quite a while and it’s starting to quieten down enough for us to relax slightly before we close.

Just after I get off the phone, there is a tremendous sound of smashing glass from the lower bar. I stick my head around the corner to see a huge hole now in one of our massive plate glass windows that face the street. The customers who are in the bar are all looking shocked, and some are covered in glass, so I quickly work out that somebody broke it from the outside in, so a coworker and I run out into the street to try and find the culprit.

I follow a trail of blood across the street and find a middle-aged couple, both pretty drunk. The woman has huge gashes in her arm from where it went through the window, and she is bleeding pretty heavily. I quickly send my coworker back to the bar to grab a roll of paper towels to hold the poor woman’s arm together while I ring an ambulance.

The whole time, the woman is saying she’s fine and that she just wants to go back to her hotel, despite the fact she has an arterial bleed pulsing out of her forearm. The man says nothing at all, apart from offering me a cigarette.

After a long wait, a mobile paramedic turns up and starts asking questions, not actually helping that much, while his colleague watches. All this time, I am still trying to keep this drunk woman’s arm from falling apart.

Eventually, he rings for an actual ambulance, and I suddenly feel a very insistent tap on my shoulder.

I turn, keeping my grip on the woman’s arm, to see a pizza delivery guy trying to hand me a stack of pizzas. It turns out he’d gone into the bar to drop them off, and apparently insisted on giving them to the name on the order. When the other staff had told him where I was, he’d come out to find me.

When I tell him to go back to the bar and that they will pay him from the till, he just keeps repeating the total price at me and trying to balance the pizzas on my already rather occupied arms. Finally, the other paramedic takes over holding the woman’s arm together, and I have my hands free. The pizza guy dumps the stack of pizzas into my blood-covered arms, takes some money off my coworker who has come out to help, and leaves without a word. That leaves me covered in blood, tired, not a little annoyed, and holding five large pizzas in the middle of the road at midnight on a Friday night.

We later discovered that the woman had got into an argument with her husband while walking past our pub, tried to punch him in the face, and missed, putting her fist through the window.

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The Male Period, Where He Discharges Whines All Month

, , , , , , | Working | November 11, 2019

My friend and I popped by a well-known drug store so I could pick up some medicine for my cold. She noticed that tampons were on sale and grabbed a box, along with some chapstick. We got up to the register, I paid for my medicine, and she put the tampons and chapstick on the counter.

The guy at the register visibly paled upon seeing the box and used the chapstick to push the box onto the scanner and then into a bag so that he wouldn’t have to touch an unopened box of tampons. I know periods are bad, but you do realize you don’t magically get them if you touch a box of tampons, right?

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Darkly A-Mew-sing

, , , , , , , | Related | November 7, 2019

(After years of begging, my parents let me get a cat. My brothers and I are ecstatic and quickly fall in love with our little black and white kitten. When she’s about a year old, however, our father starts developing sinus problems and after a lot of trial and error we trace it back to cat dander. So, after a lot of tears, we come to the conclusion that our kitty has to be rehomed. We’re all devastated when we’re given the news. Then, my youngest brother, who is only five or six at the time, suggests another solution.)

Brother: “Can’t we just get rid of Dad, instead?”

(We still joke that when our father dies, his body won’t even be cold before we get another cat. Our cat was happily rehomed with our cousins and quickly established dominance over their dog and other cat.)

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You Can’t Cough This Up To Cultural Differences

, , , , | Healthy | November 7, 2019

I came into work today to hear my coworker, the office supervisor, in a high-volume discussion with a patient in another language. I don’t speak any other languages besides English, but I could tell the patient was agitated and my coworker was trying to neutralize it.

I let her handle that and helped other patients before my shift officially started. Later, she revealed the reason. Apparently, the patient was having an ultrasound with our chief sonographer. The patient was coughing on the sonographer, so they asked the patient to cover their mouth. The patient got offended by that and left the room in the middle of the scan. The patient commented things such as, “She shouldn’t be in the industry if she can’t take sick patients.”

My coworker tells me that in their culture coughing is open. They aren’t told to cover their mouths.

All three– the patient, sonographer, and coworker — are the same nationality.

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What Kind Of Restaurant Is This?!

, , , , | Right | November 6, 2019

(I heard this from my manager who is taking a food order.)

Manager: “Any allergies we need to be aware of?”

Customer: “Cats.”

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