(While performing a normal transaction…)
Bank Customer: “When is your baby due?”
Me: *smiling* “Oh, I had my baby five months ago! She’s doing wonderfully.”
Bank Customer: *waves her hand around her face in a circle* “Oh, I guess you still haven’t lost your baby fat.”
Me: “…”
This story is part of the Pregnancy Roundup!
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Me: “[Hospital] Nutrition, this is [My Name], how may I help you?”
Patient: “Yeah, I was wondering if I could have some peas. Just been craving them.”
(I take the last name, look her up in the system to check the diet type/restrictions.)
Me: “Um, ma’am? It says you are allergic to green peas.”
Patient: “Yeah, but it’s all right. They just give me a rash.”
This story is part of our Allergic To Common Sense roundup!
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(I was cashiering the closing shift on a Sunday night. The pharmacy closes earlier than the rest of the store on weekends. A customer comes in at 9:30 pm.)
Customer: “Oh sh*t! The pharmacy is closed?!”
Me: “Yes, they close at 6 pm on weekends. They will open again at 8 am tomorrow morning.”
Customer: “But I need a prescription filled.”
Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but the pharmacist will not be here until 8 am tomorrow morning.”
Customer: “Can’t you do it?”
Me: “No…”
Customer: “Why not?!”
Me: “I’m not a pharmacist.”
Customer: “Don’t be a smart a**!”
Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Only a pharmacist can fill your prescription.”
Customer: “What is this world coming to?!” *storms out*
This story is part of our Pharmacy Roundup!
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Me: “Thank you for calling [Cinema]. How can I help you?”
Some Stoner: “Yeah. Do you have any funny movies?”
Me: “Sure…”
(I go through the list of comedies.)
Stoner: “Oh. I watched Toy Story today while I was high. That was pretty funny, seeing those toys running around all f**ked up. Do you have anything like that?”
(I put down the phone for a moment to stifle my laugh.)
Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we do not have any drug-induced movies playing right now.”
Stoner: “Oh. Well, uh… I’m gonna watch Toy Story 2 now.”
(Stoner hangs up.)
(A female comes into the bar and asks to use the toilets.)
Me: “Sorry, toilets are for customer use only.”
Her: “I just started my period. If you don’t let me use the toilet, I’m going to bleed all over your floor.”
Me: “First door on the left.”
