Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

No One Ever Said It Would Be Boring…

, , , , , | Right | April 20, 2009

(This happened on my first day of the job.)

Me: “Welcome to [Grocery Store].”

Customer: “Take off your glasses.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “They’re all pink and red; I can’t see your eyes!”

Me: “That’s because they’re tinted that way for a reason. Red increases contrast, and I’m photophobic.”

Customer: “What? You’re afraid of light? D*** VAMPI–”

Me: “–NO, no, no. It just means bright light hurts my eyes.”

Customer: “All right, ring these up.”

(Looking down, I notice he has bagged peaches. A LOT of them. As it’s my first day, I have to search for the code for them, and they lack a barcode.)

Customer: “Well? They’re peaches.”

Me: “I know, let me just–”

Customer:Peaches! Come on, they’re peaches. Just ring them up.”

Me: “Sorry, just a moment.” *grabbing phone* “What’s the code for–”

Customer: “THESE. ARE. PEACCHEESSSS!”

(He grabs one of the bags of peaches, swings it around until it TEARS open and peaches go flying everywhere, and then he runs out of the store.)

Coworker: *on the phone* “Aha, so you met the peaches guy on your first day? I remember my first time meeting him…”

Me: “…”


This story is part of the Crazy-First-Day roundup!

Read the next Crazy-First-Day roundup story!

Read the Crazy-First-Day roundup!

What A Lady, What A Night

, , | Right | April 17, 2009

CONTENT WARNING: This story contains details of a medical nature – it should not be taken as medical advice.

(I’m standing in line and overhear this conversation between a beautiful middle-aged woman and the photo clerk.)

Clerk: “Unfortunately, we are unable to print all of your photos. Some of them are in violation of our content policy.”

Customer: “I don’t understand. All I took pictures of was a trip to Busch Gardens and then my son’s birthday party. What could be so inappropriate?”

Clerk: “Were you at some point singing karaoke?”

(The customers face goes from confusion, to understanding, to embarrassment, and finally to barely controlled rage.)

Customer: “I will be right back.”

(The customer goes down the aisle and begins grabbing a few additional items.)

Clerk: *to me* “She was naked. Pretty hot for an older lady.”

(The customer returns with her new items and makes a phone call while the clerk processes the transaction.)

Customer: *sweetly on the phone* “Oh, honey, you have been working so hard and have been so good to me. I am making you an amazing dinner. Can you pick up some makings for some cocktails on the way home? I am going to give you a night you will never forget! Love you, bye!”

(As she says this, I notice the new items she’s buying: a sports drink, anti-diarrhea medicine, and a giant bottle of contact lens solution–the latter of which can give people diarrhea. The clerk finishes the transaction and the customer gives us the most evil grin right before she walks out.)

Clerk: “Hopefully, she won’t let him suffer too long…”

It’s Called Healthyitis

, , , | Healthy Right | April 16, 2009

Me: “Thank you for waiting. My name is [My Name]. What is your call regarding?”

Patient: “Yeah, I want to ask the nurse a question.”

Me: “Is this regarding symptoms you are experiencing?”

Patient: “Yeah… well, kind of.”

Me: “What symptoms are you experiencing?”

Patient: “Actually, none.”

Me: “You are experiencing no symptoms?”

Patient: “Yeah… I have no pain and I just want to know if that is normal.”

Put Your Liquor Where Your Mouth Is

, , , | Right | April 15, 2009

(I work at the hotel bar, and at the time was the only one on duty. Two days before I’d jammed my fingers in a door and as such couldn’t use my left hand properly, and was wearing a bandage so the guests would see. We also shake our drinks using a shaker and glass so the customers get a bit of a show.)

Customer: “I’d like a Sex on the Beach, please.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I can’t make any shaken drinks at the moment since I can’t use my left hand.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, can you make something else that’s shaken?”

Me: “Um, no. My hand is injured, and shaking one-handed isn’t a good idea.”

Customer: “You just don’t know how to make the drink, do you? Trying to get away with something simple?”

Me: *proceed to tell him the recipe of several shaken drinks* “…but I can’t do that because of my hand.”

Customer: “I bet you I could shake one-handed. You’re just inept.”

Me: “If you can do that, the drink’s on the house, but I won’t be responsible for any damages or spills.”

Customer: “I’ve got a free drink then.”

(He tries to shake it, and inevitably screws up, breaking the glass and spilling ingredients all over himself.)

Customer: “I want a refund!” *storms out*

Maybe He’s Molting

, , , | Right | April 11, 2009

(Many young couples with young children belong to my pool, and many of them ask a lot of questions. A man leads his six-year-old son into our guard office.)

Pool Patron: “Excuse me, ma’am?”

Me: “Yes, sir? Can I help you?”

Pool Patron: “I’m very scared my son is in trouble.”

Me: “Is he okay? Did he hurt himself in the pool? Are there any major injuries?”

Pool Patron: “His skin is all wrinkled and soft. It feels strange. Is it going to fall off?”

Me: “Sir, that happens to everyone’s skin who has been in water for an extended period of time.”

Pool Patron: “So, his skin won’t fall off, right?”