(I am on crutches due to a bad ankle sprain. I am headed through a shopping centre when a woman a few feet ahead of me stops and turns round to look at me.)

Woman: “Could you stop making that noise? It’s very annoying.”

(I keep walking, thinking she is talking to someone else.)

Woman: “Are you deaf? I said stop making that annoying noise. ‘Click click click.’”

Me: “You’re talking to me?”

Woman: “Obviously.”

Me: “That ‘annoying noise’ is my crutches. I can’t help it.”

Woman: “Then stop walking behind me. Just stop until I’m not there.”

Me: “Or you could walk a bit faster instead of meandering along like a zombie with your face buried in your phone, and then you’ll be out of hearing range quicker. I’m not going to stop and wait just because you’re a selfish cow.”

(This takes place every spring and summer without fail. Several times.)

Me: *sneezing* “Ugh, I hate not being able to breathe.”

Grandma: “You wouldn’t be so sick if you’d just go outside more. You need some sunshine and fresh air.”

Me: “Grandma. I am allergic to sunshine, and I’m allergic to nearly everything that’s in the fresh air right now. I just was outside, and it’s the reason I’m miserable. Can I just stay here, where I’m able to be an asthmatic vampire in peace?”

(Every time we talk. I love you, Grandma.)

(I’m working the evening shift at a hotel with the owner one evening when a young couple, who checked in earlier, approaches the desk.)

Young Man: “Would it be possible to get a slice of cheesecake and some matches for a candle? We’re celebrating her birthday today.”

Me: “Sure thing, and happy birthday to you.”

(I prepare the cheesecake and grab some matches, and they then go to their room. About five minutes later, they come back with his arm wrapped in a shirt.)

Young Woman: “We need directions to the nearest hospital. He has burned his arm. There is also a little bit of smoke in the room, currently.”

(The owner gives them directions to the local hospital and sends me up to check on everything. When I get to the floor, I see some smoke in the hallway. Then, I open the door to find the room is barely visible due to there being so much smoke in the room. I go get the owner as the fire alarm starts to go off. Everyone evacuates the building and the fire department shows up as we are trying to clear all the smoke out.)

Me: “All this from one candle? What did they do, drop the cake?”

Owner: “Actually, it turns out the ‘candles’ they were using were actually sparklers. Not a good idea in a small room.”

(We found out later he had to be taken to a burn hospital and treated for third-degree burns.)

(I am finishing up my order at a sandwich shop.)

Me: “…and salt and pepper, please.”

Worker: *maybe 15 years older than I am* “Ooh, you have to watch your salt intake. It can be bad if you have high blood pressure.”

Me: *caught off guard and not sure how to react* “Um, my blood pressure is fine. Can I have salt and pepper?”

Worker: “Well, it’s fine now, but when you’re my age, you need to watch these things. You got cheese on your sandwich, too; can’t have too much of that when you’re older because of the fat and cholesterol.”

Me: “Okay?”

Worker: “Yes, you really need to be careful with these things. I know you’re young now, but—”

Customer Behind Me: “Wow, I didn’t know sandwiches came with health lectures now! Hope it doesn’t take too long; I’m hungry.”

Worker: *pause* “Let me ring you up.”

Me: *more to the customer than the worker* “Thank you.”

(I have a medical condition that can only be controlled by a certain general steroid. As a result, my face turns red at random and I lightly sweat, because the steroid causes heat flashes. I’ve gone shopping at my regular grocery store, where most of the cashiers know me. However, they have a new person at the quick checkout who looks to be still in high school.)

Me: “Hi, I was looking for more of that cheese on sale, but it looks like you’re out. Can I get a raincheck for it?”

Cashier: “Oh, uh. Let me send someone back there to confirm, then I can.” *She calls for a stocker to check for me, then resumes scanning my items.* “I’m so sorry.”

Me: “That’s okay; I don’t mind waiting.”

(My face is getting red, and she keeps giving me weird looks as she reaches for her phone to page a manager.)

Me: “Uh-oh, did something ring up wrong?”

Cashier: “No. Just one moment, and my manager will be with you.”

Me: *confused* “Okay… Can I ask why I need to talk to a manager? Do you have to do that before you do a raincheck now?” *my voice has kept calm and pleasant this whole time*

Manager: “What’s going on, [Cashier]? Hey, [My Name], you giving this young lady problems?”

Me: *laughing* “Yup, I’m threatening to shake my fist at her if y’all don’t get me my cheese. Since when do you need a manager to fill out a raincheck?”

Manager: *confused* “You don’t.”

Cashier: “She was getting angry! I was scared she was going to scream at me or throw something at me.”

Me: *laughing* “Let me guess: my face went red, didn’t it? I promise, I’m not going to hurt you or be rude. I take medicine that makes me have a heat flash, that’s all.”

Manager: “[My Name] is one of the friendlier customers. If she’s angry at you, it’s because you were rude to her or did something incredibly stupid.”

(About this time, the stocker came back up with two of the cheeses I’d overlooked. The manager told me I was in trouble for causing such a situation. As compensation, I bought the cashier a candy bar, which she appreciated. She apologized for the mix-up, but I told her that I can understand, since most people think the instant response to not getting what they want is to scream like a kid. I hope retail doesn’t beat her down.)