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Loosely Based On A True Story

, , | Healthy Right | October 28, 2009

Patient: “I think there’s something wrong with my tooth.”

Me: “Can you describe the problem?”

Patient: “Well, I think it’s loose.”

(The patient suddenly spits his tooth onto the counter in front of me.)

Me: “Yes… Yes, I think you’re right.”

One Ring To Sue Them All

, , , , | Right | October 27, 2009

(I am a shift manager at a restaurant. I have many facial piercings, but always take them out for work.)

Me: “Hello, this is the manager speaking, what seems to be the problem today?”

Caller: “I am calling to complain about one of your staff. They have horrendous facial piercings. It’s disgusting!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I must let you know that all of our staff are required to take out any piercings before starting their shift. What did this employee look like?”

Caller: “She looked like the devil! She had piercings in her lip nose and eyebrow!”

(I am the only one with these piercings, so she must be referring to me.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, are you sure you saw this employee at the restaurant?”

Caller: “No, she was at the supermarket!”

Me: “You’re calling about one of our employees while they were off duty?”

Caller: “Yes! She never has them on at your restaurant, so they must have fallen into my food!”

Me: *speechless*

Caller: “YOU’RE GETTING SUED!”

When Super-Sized Burgers Meet Bite-Sized Brains

, , , | Right | October 22, 2009

(At the fast food restaurant where I work, we’ve just introduced a burger that is very large. Three customers come into the store…)

Customer #1: “Can I get that new burger?”

Me: “Sure, would you like anything else?”

Customer #2: “Oh, my God! You’re getting the new burger?!”

Customer #1: “Yeah!”

Customer #2: *to me* “Hey, would that burger fit in my mouth?” *opens his mouth wide*

Me: “No, sir. I seriously believe it won’t.”

Customer #2: “What about now?” *opens bigger*

Me: “No, sir.”

Customer #2: “NOW?” *opens it as large as he possibly can*

Me: “No.”

Customer #3: “I apologise for his small mouth.” *hits the second customer on the head*

Me: “That’s okay.”

Customer #3: “So, would it fit in mine?” *opens mouth*

Me: “No, it won’t, sir…”


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Mmm, Moisturizer

, , , , | Right | October 20, 2009

Customer: “Excuse me, I’d like to return this lotion. It gives me a rash.”

Me: “Sure, no problem.”

(The customer hands me her used lotion. Half the bottle has been used up.)

Customer: “What do you do with the returned lotion?”

Me: “Well, since this is used, I have to mark it out and throw the product away.”

Customer: “Like, in the garbage?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Customer: “But there are starving children in China!”

An Abundance Of Nuttiness, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | October 13, 2009

Customer: “Where is the bulk smooth peanut butter?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, we’re all out of smooth–”

Customer: “No, that can’t be! I need smooth peanut butter!”

Me: “Well, do you have a food processor?”

Customer: “Yeah, so?”

Me: “You could always buy some crunchy peanut butter and make it smooth at home.”

Customer: “I can’t have crunchy peanut butter! It has peanuts in it! Are you trying to kill me?!”