(I’m working at a popular fast food place at the time this takes place. It’s very hot outside and inside, but due to my having psoriasis, I normally wear long sleeves to work. Today, I woke up late and was late to my six-am shift at work. The customer in this story has been drinking, and it’s not even nine am yet.)

Customer: “What’s that on your arms?”

Me: *tries pulling my short sleeves down* “It’s psoriasis, ma’am. What can I get for you this morning?”

Customer: “That’s not psoriasis; you’re just self-harming. This is psoriasis.” *proceeds to show me her forearms, which are clear of any sign of my condition*

Me: *turns my back to the customer, addressing my managers who have been watching* “I don’t get paid to be personally attacked; can one of you handle this?”

Manager: “Ma’am, we’re going to have to ask you to go finish your order or leave.”

Customer’s Friend: “Sorry, she’s had a bit much to drink.” *finishes order for the woman*

Me: *handing him their food* “Sir, it’s too early to be drinking, and regardless, I don’t get paid to deal with personal attacks on my health conditions. Have the day you and your friend deserve.”

(I didn’t get reprimanded for turning my back on a customer, and it’s the only time I have ever done so in all the years I’ve been a cashier. My managers didn’t even scold me for not saying, “Have a nice day.”)

I work at a coffee shop, and the owners are terribly cheap. We have an air conditioning system that breaks down every year, and this year is no exception. We are in the middle of July and it’s blazing hot outside. Indoors, we only have two small fans set up on either side of the store as an attempt to keep things cool. Workers regularly dart to the back to get a drink of water, since we aren’t allowed to keep a drink on us in the front.

One of my coworkers who was on deli goes into the back for a drink; I agree to cover her while she is gone. Usually, people only take a minute for a drink of water, but after almost ten minutes she still isn’t back. Once there is a break in food orders, I go look for her. I search all over the place, including outside, in the washrooms, and even in the walk-in-freezer, and she is nowhere to be found. I have another food order, so I give up looking for the time being.

A little bit later, I need to grab some butter from the fridge, which is large, but not a walk-in. I open the door and find my coworker sitting in it, head between her knees.

Turns out, she was working deli, which has a toaster that was radiating heat. The heat from the toaster, combined with the already sweltering heat from the weather, overwhelmed her and gave her heat exhaustion. So, she went to “get a drink of water,” and sat in the fridge to try and cool herself down. While in the fridge, she felt nauseous and dizzy and put her head down to help herself get over the feeling.

However, when I open the door, I don’t realize any of that information and think I have just stumbled upon a corpse that was stuffed in the fridge. I let out such a loud shriek that all of my coworkers come sprinting over to see what is wrong. When we have all figured out what happened, they laugh their tails off at me for being scared.

They now frequently hide in the fridge and jump out at me. On the bright side, because of the incident, our owners have finally paid to fix the air conditioning, which has made working in the summer much more bearable.

(I am shopping with my mom at the mall. It is spring, so my allergies are killer. I desperately need new clothes, so I decide to try on a few shirts. While I am in a dressing room, my allergies decide to make me sneeze.)

Me: *sneezes*

Random Girl: “Bless you.”

Me: “…”

Random Girl: “I know you hear me.”

Me: *thinking* “Oh, God!”

Random Girl: “[Her Friend], I said bless you!”

Her Friend: “That wasn’t me.”

Random Girl: “Oh… S***.”

Me: “…”

Random Girl: *to me* “Well, you could still say thank you, b****!”

(I’m ringing up a regular customer, an old-school hippie type. He’s very, very chatty and emphatic, so I’ve been making small talk with him. He’s in his late fifties or sixties, and I’m a twenty-year-old woman.)

Customer: “Oh, and do you have any free samples of the yerba mate tea?”

Me: “Yeah, we’ve still got a few left. Which flavor would you like?”

Customer: “Dark roast! Hey, can I take a couple? My friend is quitting coffee so I want her to try some!”

Me: “Sure, go ahead.”

Customer: “Yeah, these are great for if you’re quitting coffee, or even just cutting back! It’s still got caffeine, but it’s way less harsh on your body than coffee!”

Me: “Huh, maybe I should try it. I probably drink too much coffee.”

Customer: “Oh, yeah, you totally should! Coffee is just so hard on your body! You know, you should just think about your eggs, the babies you’re going to have! Right now they don’t exist; they’re floating around in some netherworld, waiting for you! They’re hoping you take care of your body, so you can carry them safely!”

Me: “…”

(The customer grins wildly and enthusiastically as he packs up his groceries, completely unaware that he might have broken some boundary.)

Me: *awkward pause* “I really like the taste of coffee, though! Have a great day!”

(Pro tip: unless you’re her gynecologist, her mother, or her long-term partner, maybe don’t start chatting to women about their wombs!)

(My boss’s daughter sometimes comes in to chat. She is into fashion and works at a jewelry store, while I’m more technical and interested in science.)

Boss’s Daughter: “So, you’ll like this because it’s all science-y. I went to a specialist to find out if I have any allergies or intolerances to food, because sometimes I just don’t feel great after eating something.”

Me: “Really? I’ve got some seasonal allergies and I’ve been meaning to get a skin test done to figure out exactly what’s going on.”

Boss’s Daughter: “I’ll give you the contact info. But the way they figured it out was way cooler than a skin test. So, they ask you to wear loose clothing so that they can access a patch of skin on your shoulder, and they blindfold you. She’ll put a piece of fruit or vegetable against your shoulder and ask you to make an ‘okay’ symbol with your hand. While the piece of produce is on your skin, she’ll try to break the circle you make with your fingers. If she can, it means that you have a sensitivity.”

Me: “That… isn’t really scientific at all.”

Boss’s Daughter: “I don’t know, it sounds like they have a whole method and all that.”

Me: “That would be the scientific method, and no, it isn’t.”