Drunk Customer: “Nice hair, man! ”
Me: “Uh, thanks…”
Drunk Customer: “Grow that s**t out, man! Hair farming is not out of style!”
(Two nights later he returns, much less drunk this time.)
Same customer: “GET A F****ING HAIR CUT!”
(You gotta love working late at a gas station in Methville, USA.)
(I used to work at a sporting goods store. One day a young guy of about 12-14 years of age comes in.)
Customer: “Hi, can you tell me where I can find a jock, like, for playing baseball?”
Me: “Oh, you mean a protective cup? Sure, they’re right over here.”
Customer: “Thanks. Oh, are there sizes?”
Me: “Yeah, they’re–”
Customer: *whispers* “I think I’m a small.”
Me: “They’re according to waistband.”
Customer: “Oh…”
Me: “I’ll be over there if you need anything else.”
This story is part of the Customers-Sharing-TMI roundup!
Read the next Customers-Sharing-TMI roundup story!
Read the Customers-Sharing-TMI roundup!
Me: “Good evening, thanks for calling [Hotel]. How can I help you?”
Customer: “I’d like to make a reservation. I’m with the [Name] wedding party.”
(I take down his information for dates he’ll be staying and size of beds. Then, we get to the type of room…)
Me: “And would you like a standard room, or would you prefer poolside, or could I interest you in a suite or other luxury room?”
Customer: “I want a standard room. It needs to be near an elevator, because my wife has back problems.”
Me: “We also have rooms on the ground floor with parking directly outside, which would be much less walking.”
Customer: “No. I want it near an elevator.”
Me: “Sir–”
Customer: “It’s about the horizontal distance.”
Me: “Sir, there is no parking near the elevators, and it would be farther for her to walk to the elevator.”
Customer: “She can take elevators. It’s about the horizontal distance.”
Me: “Yes, sir. I understand, but we have rooms on the ground floor with parking directly outside. It would be much closer than if you had to park and then take the elevator.”
Customer: “I want to be near the elevator!”
(I put him in one of the standard ground floor rooms anyway with adjacent parking, for the sake of his wife.)
Customer: “I hear there’s this stuff you can put on your food that won’t give you gas.”
Me: “Oh, yeah… it’s called Beano. Put a couple of drops on your food and the enzymes in it prevent the food from giving you gas.”
Customer: “So, you have it?”
Me: “Yep. I’ll show you.”
(We walk over to the shelf where Beano is kept. I show him the little 3 or 4 oz. bottle; a little goes a long way with that stuff.)
Me: “This is it.”
Customer: “How much?”
Me: “$12.99.”
Customer: “For THAT little bottle? S***, I’ll just fart!”
Me: “Hi, I haven’t seen you in a while! How are you?”
Elderly Resident: “Good. You’re getting chubby.”
Me: “Really? I’ve been working out every day for about a month now.”
Elderly Resident: “Oh… maybe your boobs are just getting smaller.”
This story is part of our Nursing Home Worker roundup!
