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The Caped Crusader In His Spare Time

, , , | Right | July 6, 2009

(Our call center specializes in courtesy calls to new health care members. We can only speak with the account holder.)

Me: *on the phone* “Hello. Is [Name] available?”

Man: “I’m Batman.”

Me: “That’s… fine, sir, but is [Name] there?”

Man: “I’m Batman.”

Me: “I understand that, but for the purposes of my call, I have to speak with [Name]. Can you please tell me if she’s available?”

Man: “I’m Batman.”

Me: “I’m near a window, and I can see the bat symbol. While you go to meet the Commissioner, could you hand the phone to [Name]?”

Man: “…” *click*

Always Right, Even When Shooting Down A Helicopter

, , , , , | Right | July 2, 2009

(At the golf course where I work, it’s been a very hot day and an older man, unfortunately, has a stroke or heart attack in the middle of the range. The course is at a remote location, so a medical helicopter is called in and lands in the middle of the range. Another golfer comes over, obviously upset.)

Golfer: “It’s my tee! I want to take my shot but the helicopter is blocking it.”

Me: “Sir, there’s a medical emergency on the range so you’ll have to wait for a little while.”

Golfer: “But it’s my shot! I pay good money to play here and it’s my shot!”

Me: “Sir, someone may be dying over there. Please have some patience. It shouldn’t take long until they lift off.”

Golfer: “If they get hit, it’s their own fault.”

(The man then pulls a club out and before I can stop him, he swings and hits the helicopter.)

Me: “Sir! For God’s sake, stop!”

Golfer: “It’s my tee! They can just blame themselves for being in the way. I don’t have time for this!”

(I ended up reporting him to the caddie master and range supervisors. His license was revoked and was banned from playing there ever again. Thankfully, the helicopter was not damaged and the patient was saved.)


This story is part of our Golf roundup!

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Textual Discrimination

, , , , , | Right | July 1, 2009

(A customer approaches me holding an audiobook.)

Customer: “What’s this?”

Me: “It’s an audiobook.”

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “Well, it’s books read aloud so people can listen to them instead of reading the text.”

(The customer looks horrified.)

Customer: “Do you have more?”

Me: “Oh, yes, those shelves behind you there.” *pointing*

Customer: *looking at the rows of audiobooks* “That’s disgusting! People who can’t read shouldn’t be allowed in libraries anyway! You shouldn’t pander to them!”

Me: “Well, it’s also for people who have low or no vision.”

Customer: “They have no right to books, either!” *storms out*

You’re Not Burning, But My Eyes Are

, , , | Right | June 30, 2009

(I’m working the front of a tanning salon and a customer comes up to me, completely naked.)

Customer: “Does this tan look even to you?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I need you to go back to your booth and put your clothes on. You’re bothering the other customers.”

Customer: “But I need to know if this tan is even. Does it look like I’m burning?”

Me: *trying not to look at her* “Ma’am, I’m sorry. I need you to go back to your booth and put your clothes on. You can’t just walk around naked.”

Customer: “Fine! You’re no help at all!”


This story is part of our Nudity roundup!

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The Real Meaning Of Finger Food

, , , , | Right | June 26, 2009

(I work at a restaurant that specializes in roast beef. A customer is standing at the end of the counter, staring at the meat slicer.)

Customer: “Can I touch the beef?”

Me: “Sorry?”

Customer: “The beef. On the slicer. I want to touch it.”

Me: “Uh, I can’t let you do that.”

Customer: “But why?”

Me: “Well, we can’t turn the slicer off during the lunch rush unless we’re putting a new roast on it.”

Customer: “Oh, you don’t have to turn the slicer off. I just wanna touch the beef!”

Me: “Well, I don’t want to serve anyone a sliced beef and finger sandwich today, so tough luck.”