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On The Bright Side, There Are Worse Orifices

, , , , | Healthy Right | July 15, 2009

Me: “[Pharmacy], how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, your medicine is defective.”

Me: “Sir, why don’t I get your information so I can take a look at your profile.”

Customer: *gives his name and date of birth*

Me: “I see that the last prescriptions you filled were antibiotics and drops for your ear infection. Are your symptoms still bothering you?”

Customer: “Yes, and how the h*** do you expect me to fit this giant pill in my ear?”

Me: “Sir, that’s an antibiotic tablet. It’s meant to be taken orally.”

Beauty Is In The Eye Of The Consumer

, , , | Right | July 14, 2009

(I was closing one night, and it was slow. A nervous-looking man came in and went to go order his drink.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Coffee Shop]! What can I get for you this evening?”

Customer: “Um… yes. Can I get a coffee?”

Me: “Okay, anything else tonight?”

Customer: “Yes…” *takes out a piece of paper* “An iced venti unsweetened black tea.”

Me: “Okay, your total is $4.30.”

Customer: *frowns* “How much is the iced tea?”

Me: “It’s $2.28… do you want me to take it off?”

Customer: “No… you see, I’m on a blind date. My date told me that her regular drink at [Coffee Shop] was this iced tea… and also that the price of the iced tea is her weight.”

The Blood Of Not-So-Innocents

, , , | Right | July 14, 2009

Customer #1: “I would like a discount on this shirt. It’s covered in blood! This is disgusting!”

Coworker: “I’m very sorry about this! I can give you a 10% discount.”

(The customer looks through the rest of her purchase, which is also covered in blood.)

Customer #1: “There’s blood on all of these clothes! This is DISGUSTING!”

(A nearby customer notices what’s going on and chimes in.)

Customer #2: “Ma’am, your hand is bleeding.”

Customer #1: “Well… er… I don’t bleed like that!”

Not-So-Immaculate Conceptions

, , , | Right | July 13, 2009

(I’m cleaning a table that a young couple just left and find a used tampon floating in their old drink and a pregnancy test hiding in their napkin. I turn around to see a frantic woman.)

Customer: “Where is it?!”

Me: “Uh… excuse me?”

Customer: “I left some personal things here. What happened to them?”

(I look at my tub and then back at her. She looks at my tub and then back at me, and suddenly turns pale.)

Customer: “Oh…”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am?”

Customer: *suddenly quiet* “Do you remember what the result was?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Well, that’s just f****** great! Thanks for nothing!”

This story is part of our Grossest Customers Ever roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

23 Stories About Customers Who Should Quit Smoking – For OUR Health


Read the next Grossest Customers Ever roundup story!

Read the Grossest Customers Ever roundup!

Johnny Something-Seed

, , , | Right | July 7, 2009

(I’m a cashier at a cafe-style restaurant.)

Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

Customer: “Sure, I’d like the turkey sandwich with everything on it.”

Me: “Okay, and what side would you like with that: chips, bread, or an apple?”

Customer: “An apple? What’s an apple?”

Me: “…a red fruit.”

Customer: “Oh! I’ll take that.”