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She Fought The Law… And The Law Won

, , , | Right | June 28, 2008

(This is one of those chains that does gunned ear piercings. Gun piercings have MANY risks–embedding being one of them. A customer walks in with two children, ages about four and seven.)

Customer: “The stone fell out of her earring. Can you put a new one in?”

Me: *examines ear* “Ma’am, the earring is embedded in your daughter’s ear. You need to go to the doctor. I can’t help you.”

Customer: “No, stone fall out of earring, we just need new one.”

Me: “No, ma’am. You see, putting them back on too tight like this pulls the front of the earring INTO the earlobe and it becomes stuck.”

Customer: “Okay, you take out.”

Me: “You aren’t getting it… it is stuck inside her ear. A doctor needs to cut her ear open with a scalpel and retrieve the earring.”

Customer: *freaks out and starts stringing expletives together*

(I retrieve her waiver to show her where she signed in FOUR places stating she understood the risks associated with the procedure.)

Me: “See? You signed here explaining you understood the risks and aftercare.”

Customer: “There was a line, I no read dis! Nobody read dis!”

Me: “Well, if you had taken the time to read you would have seen that this can be dangerous.”

(She threatened my life, swore like a sailor in front of my customers, was chased by security, and provided them a false name. I took her to court… and she lost.)


This story is part of our Even More Dangerous Parent’s roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

23 Stories Of Truly Terrible Parent Customers

 

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We Just Report The News

, , , | Right | June 27, 2008

(Our newspaper always gets strange calls. After one story I wrote about first aid training at the Red Cross, I get the following call from a reader…)

Me: “Hello, [newspaper]. How may I help you?”

Reader: “Yeah, I’m here at the Red Cross.”

Me: “… okay?”

Reader: “They just told me the first aid class you wrote about is full.”

Me: “Oh, okay.”

Reader: *silence*

Me: “Sir? What’s the problem?”

Reader: “Well, I have a friend who really needs to get into this class, but they said it’s full!”

Me: “I’m so sorry, sir.”

Reader: “Well?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Reader: “Well, what are you going to do about it? Can’t you tell them to add a seat to the class?”

Me: “Umm, no, sir. I’m just a reporter. I can’t tell the Red Cross what to do. I’m sorry your friend can’t get in the class in time.”

Reader: “Well, what is he supposed to do? He needs the training now!”

Me: “Well, I believe the hospital teaches a first aid class.”

Reader: “They do? Can you call them for me?”

Me: “No, sir, I’m afraid I have a tight deadline today. I can’t take the time to look into that. Maybe you could call your friend and tell him?”

Reader: *sarcastically* “Yeah, whatever. Thanks for your help.”

And Yet He Lives With A Nut

, , , | Right | June 26, 2008

(A customer with her toddler comes into the store while I’m working on another customer’s order.)

Customer: “I want to know if your peanut butter cookies have nuts in them.”

Me: “Yes, yes they do.”

Customer: “Oh, well my son is allergic to nuts. Do you have any that don’t have nuts?”

Me: “You could try the oatmeal raisin.”

Customer: “No, he doesn’t like raisins.” *picks up a different cookie*

Me: “Um, those are white chocolate macadamia nut, which also has nuts in them.”

Customer: “Well do you have anything that is nut-free here?!”

Me: “We have cakes with fruit in them, muffins, bagels, croissants, and scones. Would he like those?”

Customer: “You people don’t care about my child!” *storms out of the store, child in tow*

Me: *To coworker* “How is he still alive?”

Coworker: *shrugs*


This story is part of our Even More Dangerous Parent’s roundup!

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The Inadvertent Thief

, , , , , , | Right | June 26, 2008

Lady: “Do you sell aloe vera gel?”

Me: “No, I’m afraid we don’t, but you might be able to get it at [Store] down the street.”

Lady: “Oh, great, thanks.”

(She leaves and ten minutes later returns wielding a tube, looking irritated.)

Me: “Hello again, did you manage to find it okay?”

Lady: “No! You told me they had aloe vera gel! All they had is the cream! I don’t want the cream!”

Me: “Um… you didn’t want the cream but you bought it anyway?”

Lady: “No, of course I didn’t BUY–”

(She suddenly stopped and looked at the tube in her hand. Her expression turned to horror and she legged it back out the door. My coworkers and I laughed for a good ten minutes at that one.)


This story is part of the Totally Unobservant Customers roundup!

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Just Quit While You’re Ahead

, , | Right | June 25, 2008

Me: “You find everything okay today, ma’am?”

Customer: “Oh my God! What’s wrong with your face? Are you okay?”

Me: “What? What are you talking about?”

Customer: “Your jaw! It’s so swollen!”

Me: “Um… no, I’m just fine.”

Customer: “Oh… your left jaw is just so huge, I thought, maybe… never mind.”