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Living On The Edge Of Anaphylactic Shock

, , , | Right | April 24, 2009

(A woman was looking intently at our display case of cookies.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “What kind of cookies do you have?”

Me: “Well, right now we have lemon-drop and peanut butter chocolate chip.”

Customer: “Oh, I’ll take one of each.”

(I ring her out and she goes on her way. Twenty minutes later I get a phone call.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I was just in there and I bought a lemon cookie and a peanut butter chocolate chip cookie and… MY GOD, I AM ALLERGIC TO NUTS, and I SWEAR I just ate a nut. Are there any nuts in these cookies?”

Me: “Well… the peanut butter chocolate chip ones have peanuts in them.”

Customer: “OH, MY GOD!” *hangs up*

(Only two weeks later I am working again and the same woman walks into my store.)

Customer: *looks at the cookies again* “I’ll take one of those…peanut butter chocolate chip cookies.”

Me: “You realize that those have nuts in them, right?”

Customer: “WHAT?! Well… what about the orange walnut cookies?”

Me: “Those have walnuts in them.”

Customer: “How about the coconut pecan?”

Me: “Yeah, those have pecans in them.”

Customer: “Well, fine. I’ll just have to have one of those white chocolate macadamia cookies then.”

Me: “Look: really, the only cookies that we have right now that DON’T have nuts are the sugar cookies.”

Customer: “Well, those are just too boring. Never mind, then!”

History And Cookbooks Are Written By The Victors

, , , , | Right | April 24, 2009

(An older lady is looking through the buffet when she comes to our Japanese section. She eyes the sashimi.)

Customer: “Oh! Is this smoked salmon?”

Me: “No, ma’am. It’s actually sashimi, the Japanese way of serving fish, so it’s cleaned and served raw.”

Customer: “Raw? That can’t be healthy! Are you sure you are allowed to serve raw fish? Someone could get sick!”

Me: “I can assure you, raw salmon won’t get anyone sick. We have served this for years.”

Customer: “But it’s raw! Someone will get sick! That’s what raw fish does — gets people sick!”

Me: “Ma’am, the Japanese have been eating raw fish for centuries. I think it will be okay.”

Customer: “Well, they also lost World War 2. I don’t think this is safe!”

Me: “…”


This story is part of our Japan roundup!

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Super Absorbent For Those Mentally Heavy Days

, , , , | Right | April 23, 2009

(An elderly man calls up to the store.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pharmacy]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, my granddaughter came to visit me, and she bought me a birthday gift. It’s on the kitchen table, but I’m not sure what it is.”

Me: “Okay, well, what can you tell me about the product?”

Customer: “Well, the box says ‘K-O-T-E-X’. Can you tell me what that is, honey? What it’s used for? I just can’t figure it out.”

Me: Well, sir… that’s a feminine hygiene product.”

Customer: “Feminine hygiene? What’s the product for? I just can’t figure it out.”

Me: “Sir… it’s for women on their period.”

Customer: “Why would my granddaughter buy me Kotex?”

Me: “I don’t know, sir. Maybe you should ask her that.”

Customer: “So can I still use them to stir my Kool-Aid with? Because that’s what I’ve been using them for.”

Some Questions Should Never Be Asked, Part 3

, , , | Right | April 23, 2009

(I work for forensics and often a lot of phone calls about DNA results and what they mean.)

Me: “Good morning, DNA Management Section, [My Name] speaking.”

Customer: “Hi, I got this DNA notification thing. I don’t know what it means.”

Me: “Those are the results for the buccal swab you had done. It’s just for your records to show that you had a buccal swab taken and your DNA was analysed from it.”

Customer: “What do all these letters and numbers mean?”

Me: “That is the sequence for your DNA. The scientists at forensics will use those numbers to match your DNA profile to other samples on the DNA database.”

Customer: “But what do they mean?”

Me: “Unfortunately, I am not qualified to explain this to you. I can however forward your call to Forensics SA, and they will be able to answer your query. All I can say is that the first part is your sex. XX means female and XY means male.”

Customer: “It says XY… so that means I’m male, right?”

Yeah, Definitely Contraindicated

, , , , | Right | April 21, 2009

(A patient walks up to the pick-up window looking like he just came from the emergency room.)

Me: “Hello, sir, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I wanna drop this off…” *hands me an ER prescription*

Me: “Sir, this is the pick-up window. You need to drop off the prescription at the drop off window.”

Customer: “Where’s that?”

Me: “The counter at the entrance to the room with the big sign that says “Drop Off Window’.”

Customer: “Where?”

Me: “You know, you already waited in line so I’ll just take the prescription here. Have you ever had any medication here before?”

Customer: “I don’t know; have I?”

Me: “I’ll take that as a no. Do you have any allergies to medication?”

Customer: “Well, when I mix heroin and battery acid, I get a rash.”

Me: “…I’ll make a note on that.”