A Sharp Wit Can Be A Lifesaver

, , , , , , | Romantic | March 24, 2018

(I’ve been suffering from chronic depression for most of my life, and my husband has been exceptionally patient and loving to me through my episodes. With his help, I’ve built a system that allows me to work through many of these episodes without medical or chemical help, which is especially important as I am currently nursing our infant son. Part of this system is warning my husband when I’m feeling especially emotionally raw, which we call a “blue day.”)

Me: “Love, I just wanted you to know I’m having a blue day.”

Husband: *concerned* “You okay, sweetheart?”

Me: “I’m just… stuck in this loop. I don’t even know what triggered it. I keep thinking, ‘Just go for the knife,’ and I can’t snap out of it.”

Husband: “Want me to dull the knives for you?”

Me: *caught off guard* “Wait, what?”

Husband: “Seriously! By the time I’m done, you’ll be asking, ‘Why won’t these things even cut butter?!'”

(I had to laugh as he acted out the impossible knives that couldn’t cut room temperature butter, and then got our toddler in on the fun. I’m so blessed to have someone like him!)

Why Don’t You Just Ably Walk Away In The Other Direction?

, , , , , | Right | March 23, 2018

(I work the graveyard shift at a truck stop. I also have a bad leg and walk with a cane. Despite my disability, I always manage to get my work done. This happens one night in the middle of my shift.)

Customer: *glaring at me* “You are way too young to be walking with that cane!”

(Having heard this a million times, I use my usual response.)

Me: “Yes, sir, I agree. My leg doesn’t, though.”

(I smile at him, hoping that answer is enough.)

Customer: *clearly angry now* “Now, listen here, young lady! Canes are for people who actually need them, not for youngsters who just want to get attention. Where is your manager? Does he know you use a cane when you don’t need one? This is outrageous.”

Me: *insulted and angry* “Sir, I do need this cane to be able to walk, and to be able to get my job done. My manager does know that I have it and that I use it. I do not use it just to ‘get attention.’ Canes are used, as you said, by people who need them. There is no minimum age requirement for needing a cane. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go clean a shower for one of our regulars.”

(I used my cane and walked away to do my work, but I heard the customer mumbling to himself about “faking youngsters” who “want all the attention.” I found out later that he spoke to my manager, who told him the same thing I did. I never got an apology, and I never saw the customer again.)

Driving Can Be A Real Headache

, , , | Right | March 23, 2018

(I’m working at a craft store when a customer comes up to me with a piece of fabric.)

Customer: “Can you help me find matching thread for this? I have a terrible migraine; I can barely see!”

Me: “Sure! Let’s have a look.”

(I find thread that matches perfectly and show it to her.)

Customer: “Oh, I’m just going to take your word on this. This migraine is so bad, I’m seeing double, and everything’s blurred!”

Me: “No problem, and I hope it gets better!”

Customer: “So do I! Driving here was so hard. I’m really not looking forward to driving home! I can barely see!”

(I was speechless.)

How To Cheese Off Your Customers

, , , , , , | Working | March 23, 2018

(I am allergic to milk. When I go out to restaurants, I am always careful to specify to servers that my allergy means no milk, butter, cream, yogurt, or cheese, especially when I am abroad. My friend and I are out together, and we have both ordered food. I was extra careful to ask for no cheese or sauce on my burger, and to double-check that there is no milk in the bun. Our food comes out.)

Server: “And here we go! A burger for her, and pasta for you! Enjoy, ladies!”

Friend: “Thanks!” *to me* “Looks great, doesn’t it?”

Me: “Yeah! Oh… Hang on. I think they forgot to not put sauce on my burger. It should be okay if it’s just a relish, though.”

Friend: “Double-check, just in case! But it should be fine.”

Me: *deconstructing my burger with my fork* “Oh… So, not only is there lots of sauce on my burger, but there’s cheese… and… What is that?”

Friend: “It looks like they buttered the bun for some reason. You’d better send that back!”

Me: “Yeah.”

(I call the server back over.)

Server: “Is everything okay, ladies?”

Me: “Unfortunately, there seems to be cheese and possibly butter on my burger. I’m allergic, so I really can’t eat that. I’m so sorry, but is there any way I can get a new burger, please? Without the cheese or the butter on the bun, and with the sauce on the side, please?”

Server: “Oh! Wow! I’m so sorry; that shouldn’t have happened! I must have forgotten to put in an allergy warning on the till. Let me fix this for you right away!”

(He goes off to the kitchen and comes back after a while with a new plate.)

Server: “Again, I am so sorry that happened! Here you go. I spoke to the chef this time, so it should be all right. The sauce is on the side this time!”

Me: “Thank you! I’m so sorry to cause a fuss!”

Friend: *just as the server leaves* “Erm… I think I can see where they scraped off the cheese?”

Me: “What?” *deconstructs the new burger again* “Seriously? I think they just replaced the bun… and it still looks buttered. Maybe it’s margarine. Does this look right to you? I really don’t want to cause a fuss again.”

Friend: *pointing* “That’s definitely cheese still left on it! Don’t eat it! I’ll call our server back again.”

Server: “Ladies! What’s up? Is the new burger okay?”

Friend: “So, there still seems to be butter on her burger and–” *pointing* “–it looks like the cheese has just been scraped off here.”

Server: “What? I really did talk to the chef this time! Gosh, I am so sorry! I’ll see to it right away!” *takes the second plate back*

(While the server is away, my friend finishes her food. We also have timed tickets for a tourist attraction; though it’s nearby, we will need to leave the restaurant soon. We’re debating whether to get the burger in a to-go container when a lady marches up to our table.)

Manager: “Hi, girls. I’m the manager here. I heard there’s a problem with your food?”

Me: “Oh, there’s no problem; there’s just a mix up with my burger.”

Friend: “Yeah, we’re just waiting for her meal to come out again.”

Manager: “Right… The chef is saying you keep sending back perfectly good food. Is that right?”

Me: *taken aback* “What? No! I’m allergic to milk, and I asked for no cheese on my burger. My food keeps arriving with cheese on it, so I’ve just asked for a plain burger this time.”

Manager: “Right. I can’t see the problem here. Why can’t you just scrape it off?”

Friend: *worried* “She has an allergy! If she eats anything with milk in it, she will get seriously sick! Like, phone-an-ambulance sick!”

Manager: *haughtily* “I know what an allergy is! My husband is lactose intolerant! He can eat cheese, or scrape it off if he has to!”

Me: *trying to be calm* “An intolerance is different. Trust me; I don’t like sending food back, but I genuinely can’t eat it.”

Manager: “Hmm… You both seem very young… It looks to me like you’re just looking for a free meal.”

Friend: *raising her voice in frustration* “Honestly, we aren’t looking for anything! She just wanted something to eat, but she has to be careful because she has an allergy. We can’t explain it any better than that. She has not touched one ounce of her food! You can’t charge us for something she hasn’t eaten!”

Manager: “Well, I don’t comp meals when customers don’t communicate properly!”

Me: *jumping in quickly* “Look: it’s fine! I don’t want the food anymore. We have to leave soon, anyway. Can we just have our bill please?”

Manager: *changing her tune suddenly* “Of course! I’ll have your server bring it over immediately.” *hurries off, looking smug*

(Our server reappears with our bill soon after that.)

Server: “I am so sorry about the manager. She’s new. She told me not to comp your meal, but I’ve taken the burger and drinks off!”

Me: “I hope you won’t get in trouble for that.”

Server: “Nah, I’m one of the few experienced staff left! But, at this rate, I won’t be here for long!”

Intolerant Of Your Gluten-Tolerance, Part 2

, , , , , , , | Right | March 21, 2018

After making me put the kitchen on allergy alert and cook her catfish on tin foil with no seasoning due to “severe gluten and dairy allergies,” a customer asked for a biscuit.

I told her they have both butter and gluten in them, and she responded, “Oh, well, I can have a little.”

Intolerant Of Your Gluten-Tolerance

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