If You Don’t Have Anything Nice To Say…

, , | Right | March 22, 2008

(While performing a normal transaction…)

Bank Customer: “When is your baby due?”

Me: *smiling* “Oh, I had my baby five months ago! She’s doing wonderfully.”

Bank Customer: *waves her hand around her face in a circle* “Oh, I guess you still haven’t lost your baby fat.”

Me: “…”


This story is part of the Pregnancy Roundup!

Read the next Pregnancy Roundup story!

Read the Pregnancy Roundup!

1 Thumbs
1,414

Playing Doctor

, , , | Right | March 17, 2008

Me: “[Hospital] Nutrition, this is [My Name], how may I help you?”

Patient: “Yeah, I was wondering if I could have some peas. Just been craving them.”

(I take the last name, look her up in the system to check the diet type/restrictions.)

Me: “Um, ma’am? It says you are allergic to green peas.”

Patient: “Yeah, but it’s all right. They just give me a rash.”


This story is part of our Allergic To Common Sense roundup!

Read the next Allergic To Common Sense roundup story!

Read the Allergic To Common Sense roundup!

1 Thumbs
1,410

Back In My Day, Pills Fell Like Mana From The Heavens

, , , | Right | March 13, 2008

(I was cashiering the closing shift on a Sunday night. The pharmacy closes earlier than the rest of the store on weekends. A customer comes in at 9:30 pm.)

Customer: “Oh sh*t! The pharmacy is closed?!”

Me: “Yes, they close at 6 pm on weekends. They will open again at 8 am tomorrow morning.”

Customer: “But I need a prescription filled.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but the pharmacist will not be here until 8 am tomorrow morning.”

Customer: “Can’t you do it?”

Me: “No…”

Customer: “Why not?!”

Me: “I’m not a pharmacist.”

Customer: “Don’t be a smart a**!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Only a pharmacist can fill your prescription.”

Customer: “What is this world coming to?!” *storms out*


This story is part of our Pharmacy Roundup!

Read the next Pharmacy Roundup story!

Read the Pharmacy Roundup!

1 Thumbs
1,280

Not Quite What Disney Had In Mind

, | Right | February 29, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Cinema]. How can I help you?”

Some Stoner: “Yeah. Do you have any funny movies?”

Me: “Sure…”

(I go through the list of comedies.)

Stoner: “Oh. I watched Toy Story today while I was high. That was pretty funny, seeing those toys running around all f**ked up. Do you have anything like that?”

(I put down the phone for a moment to stifle my laugh.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we do not have any drug-induced movies playing right now.”

Stoner: “Oh. Well, uh… I’m gonna watch Toy Story 2 now.”

(Stoner hangs up.)

1 Thumbs
1,453

Effective Excuses, Vol. 1

, , | Right | February 28, 2008

(A female comes into the bar and asks to use the toilets.)

Me: “Sorry, toilets are for customer use only.”

Her: “I just started my period. If you don’t let me use the toilet, I’m going to bleed all over your floor.”

Me: “First door on the left.”

1 Thumbs
7,197