Babysitting An Ankle Biter

, , , , , | Related | January 5, 2018

(I am twelve. My parents go away for a weekend together while my older sister watches me at home. Saturday evening she decides that we shouldn’t sit around inside doing nothing and tells me we are going for a walk. My lazy preteen self doesn’t care for that, but I know better than to argue with her and go upstairs to get dressed. On my way back down, I trip, tumble, and end up hitting the first floor hard. It quickly becomes apparent something is wrong with my ankle. My sister helps me get to the couch, where I sit shaking and sniffling with an ice pack on my foot, while she hurriedly gathers our things to take me to urgent care.)

Sister: “You know, if you really didn’t want to go for a walk, you could have just said no!”

(All the way until we saw the doctor and I got a soft brace for my torn ligament, she talked about my “melodrama” to keep me laughing. “Just say no” became a family joke for a while after that.)

Some Bosses Don’t Want You To Bleed For Them

, , , , , , | Working | January 5, 2018

(This is my first day at my first warehouse job. I have been told to break down empty cardboard boxes and stack them to be moved to a compactor and baler. While doing so, I accidentally cut my finger, so I go to the supervisor.) 

Me: “[Supervisor], I accidentally cut my finger.”

Supervisor: *goes pale and points to lead* “Go ask [Lead].”

(I go to [Lead].)

Me: “[Lead], I cut my finger and I need a bandage.”

(She goes pale and walks away. I’m standing there with my now soaked bandana wrapped around my finger.)

Older Coworker: “Come with me.”

(She takes me to a filing cabinet with a first aid kit, cleans the cut, and firmly places a bandage around my finger.)

Older Coworker: “[Supervisor] hates blood and [Lead] is completely useless. Be more careful when using a knife.”

Me: “Thank you.”

(The next day I was moved to work with the baler crew.)

College Grades Go From A To E To STD

, , , | Healthy | January 4, 2018

(Regrettably, our local university is the main reason that county STD rates are the second-highest in the state (the highest-ranking county is home to a naval base). Outbreaks are common and rather a grim joke with local healthcare providers. The county has purchased a new emergency radio system and one of their officers has arrived to train our staff on how to use the equipment.)

Instructor: “The great thing about this system is that it is linked to over two hundred towers, state-wide. This means that if you need to, you can communicate not only throughout the county, but with other jurisdictions as well. For example; let’s say you have to set up some kind of emergency clinic at the University for… I don’t know, what’s an epidemic that the students might experience there?”

Me: *without thinking* “Probably chlamydia.”

(My boss shushed me, but our director of nursing almost fell off her chair from laughing so hard.)

Domestic Violence 101

, , , , | Learning | January 3, 2018

(I teach at a small high school and have taught the same group their freshman through junior years. The juniors are my first group of the day. They have a reputation for being pretty obnoxious. There are known drug dealers and other tough kids in the class. One Monday, I come to work with the entire right side of my face bruised, including a black eye.)

Me: “Okay, folks. I know I don’t normally sit when I teach, but I’m a little achy today, so bear with me.”

(Hands shoot up, and I call on one of toughest kids, who is currently wearing an ankle monitor from his last time in court.)

Student: “Ms. [My Name], what happened to you?”

Me: “I’m fine; I just tripped on my top step and took a nose dive off my deck.”

(I try to go back to my presentation, but the same student is quietly but obviously talking with some of his friends. I’m about to tell him to stop when his hand goes up again.)

Student: “Uh… Ms. [My Name], are you sure that’s what happened? Or do you have a boyfriend the guys and I need to talk to?”

(I reassured him that I am just that clumsy. Things like this are why I continue to teach where I do. Many of my students who are often in trouble can also be some of the sweetest, in their own ways!)

At A Hair-Loss For Words

, , | Healthy | January 3, 2018

(The men in my family tend to start suffering from hair loss in their mid-20s, and mine seems to have started, so I go to a nearby pharmacy to buy certain shampoo recommended by my stepfather. Note that I have grown my hair for a few years and it’s currently some 18 to 20 inches long.)

Employee: “Hello, can I help you with anything?”

Me: “Yes, I was looking for certain shampoo but don’t remember the name of the product.”

Employee: “What kind of shampoo? For dry hair, or–”

Me: “For hair loss.”

Employee: *goes silent and stares at my long hair, then grabs a bottle off a shelf* “Well, we have this one.”

Me: “That’s the product; thank you!”

(I only realized what had happened after I got back home.)

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