The lockdown is almost over in France. My immediate superior is calling me.

Superior: “Are you coming back tomorrow?

Me: “No, because, first of all—”

Superior: “Why not?”

Me: *Pause* “Because, first of all, [Middle Manager] told me that it was on a voluntary basis for our company for the time being.”

Superior: “Not to come because it’s on a voluntary basis, it’s laziness!”

Me: “Also, because I am a high-risk person due to my heart problem. My GP, the occupational medicine department, and human resources have all advised me to stay home.”

Superior: “Okay, okay. Have a good rest!”

I am giving out samples of homemade peanut butter in a grocery store.

Me: “Good morning, ma’am. Please try some fresh home-made peanut butter!”

Customer: *With disgust* “Ugh, peanut butter has so much cholesterol in it!”

Me: *Pleasantly* “I’m sorry, but peanut butter doesn’t have any cholesterol in it.”

Customer: *Clearly offended* “What do you mean?!”

Me: “Well, cholesterol is a molecule found in the cell membranes of animals to help keep it more rigid. Plants, such as peanuts, have a sturdy cell wall protecting it; they have no need for cholesterol.”

The customer seems to get angry that I clearly know what I’m talking about and she doesn’t.

Customer: “Well! Peanuts have lots of fat, then!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, they do have fat.”

The customer left. I sighed.

I make appointments for mechanics for members of our company. Currently, due to lockdown, we only take urgent matters, like life-threatening or basic needs. If it can wait, it’ll have to wait. 

Me: “Customer service, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, my drain is clogged and I need a mechanic to empty it. It’s attached to the roof.”

Me: “Clogged drains are a part of [Service]; I will patch you through.”

Customer: “I know, but they said they couldn’t help me right now. I don’t know why, because it’s outside!”

Me: “Let me ask for you.”

I call the company we hire for jobs like this.

Employee: “Let’s see… Ah, I see we visited this house. The drain is not completely clogged, so we put it on our list.”

Me: “May I ask why you couldn’t fix the problem while you were there, so I can explain that to the customer?”

Employee: “Of course! In order to reach that area, we have to go through the house of the client. The government currently advises against that.”

Me: “There is no other way?”

Employee: “The client suggested we would climb onto the shed of her neighbour, pull a ladder up, walk over the wall, and put that ladder on said wall. My mechanic did not say this to the client, but he did tell me he is not that adventurous… if you catch my drift.”

Me: “Got it, absolutely clear. Thank you for the information!”

I return to the client.

Me: “Thank you for holding. I talked to the department and the mechanic told them he cannot reach the drain safely at the moment. You are put on the list that as soon as the government says it’s okay again, they can visit you again. The drain is not fully clogged yet, so you should be fine at the moment.”

Customer: “Yes, I know.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I know that they didn’t do their job; I just wanted to know why. You know, why can’t they just do their job?! I’m paying for this!”

Me: “The employee is not obligated to risk life and limb, and because they didn’t do anything yet, you are not being billed. Do you have any other questions?”

Customer: “Ugh, I just can’t understand why they couldn’t do anything while they were there!”

I tried explaining it again twice, both in different terms, to no result. I eventually told the customer that when our Prime Minister would let us know all was well again, they would be called back for a new appointment.

I’m in the third grade, about eight years old, and due to birth defects, I have to use a wheelchair. 

Not only am I fairly independent, but I’m a bit of a daredevil. I’m not one to stay on the asphalt playing four square or tetherball; I love the monkey bars.

We have a new teacher as a playground monitor, and she seems to think of me as a delicate flower or something. It’s the first day of school, and at recess, my friends help me wheel over the grass to the monkey bars.

Cue the playground monitor running at full speed, blowing her whistle, and yelling at me to get down before I get hurt.

As she arrives in a panic, we explain that I climb all the time. One of my friends tells her, “Even if [My Name] falls, he’s not going to get paralyzed-er.”

With all the recent closures, the store I’m in is staying in operation with the only customer interactions being online orders, taken to customers’ cars at curbside. I take one customer her order and verify she’s the one I’m supposed to hand it off to.

Me: “All right! Here you go, have a good one and be safe!”

Customer: “No, thank you for staying busy like this!”

As she’s speaking, she’s pulled a can of disinfectant cleaner from seemingly nowhere and has started spraying her bag over. I’ve never seen someone be so careful about their order so it’s caught me a little off guard.

Me: “Well, I’m just glad we can still get a paycheck, you know?” 

Customer: “Oh, I get that!”

At this point, she notices I’m not leaving, which is purely to maintain polite conversation while seeing her off. She’s now opening the bag and spraying her purchased items directly.

Customer: “No offense, but you can’t be too careful!”

Me: “No, I mean, go for it!”

I have no idea what I was supposed to say, but apparently, that satisfied her and she happily finished spraying her purchase before hiding the can away and leaving.