My mom, eighteen-month-old daughter, and I are on a road trip. One of our stops is to visit family. My aunt has some pretty strong views when it comes to politics, vaccines, etc., and very much believes she is always right. She also believes anything she reads on the internet, even if it’s something off of Reddit, Tumblr, etc. We are staying at her house, and other family members, including one of my cousins and her nine-month-old son, have come by. My aunt witnesses me giving my daughter coconut milk.

Aunt: “You know you’re starving her brain, right?”

Me: “Excuse me?!”

Aunt: “You aren’t giving her whole milk! She needs the fat! She’s too tiny.”

Me: “She’s doing just fine, [Aunt]. She doesn’t tolerate dairy milk well. It gives her a rash and makes her constipated, and she throws it up whenever we’ve offered it. Her pediatrician told us to switch.”

Aunt: “Well, I read online that if they don’t have adequate fats, you starve their brains and then they get dementia. She doesn’t weigh enough for her age.”

Me: “She eats just fine, and she’s meeting all her milestones, including growth. She is just on the petite side.”

Aunt: “She needs more fat. You don’t want to starve her brain, do you?”

I just picked my daughter up and took her to our room. Later, I found out my aunt thought I was starving my daughter because she weighed the same amount as the nine-month-old baby there. When it came time to eat dinner, my aunt promptly dropped it when she saw how much my daughter ate.

I’m a programmer and work in a room with a half dozen others. We often resort to good-natured teasing and complaining about each other, but I’m confident everyone knows it is in jest.

One of our coworkers has been making plans to be out in a few days for some surgery.

Me: “What is the surgery for, if you’re comfortable sharing?”

Coworker: “Oh, I’m an open book. I’m willing to share, but the real question is, do you really want to know? You can’t complain about it being too much information if you ask.”

Me: “Come on, tell us.”

Coworker: “Okay, you know how if someone does something really impressive, people will always say something like, ‘That guy has to have some huge cojones to do that.’?”

Me: “Yeah…?”

Coworker: “Well, it turns out that huge cojones aren’t as convenient as everyone made them out to be, and I’m apparently too awesome for my own good.”

He eventually goes on to explain that he has a hydrocele, which is some sort of liquid buildup on the outside of the testicle, making it grow larger until it gets in the way.

The day of his surgery, he is the only one not on vacation that can support some servers, so he comes in for two hours to check on the servers and have some sort of meeting before leaving for the surgery. When the time comes to leave, he has this to say.

Coworker: “Okay, folks. I hope none of you take this the wrong way, but I just realized I’d rather go get my balls chopped off than spend another moment here with all of you. See you on Monday.”

This story is part of our Best Of August 2021 roundup!

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I am volunteering in the church nursery one Sunday. There is a sign posted at the door that if a child has certain symptoms, such as fever or vomiting, they cannot come in. I’m grabbing some extra toys from a supply closet when I hear a regular attendee talking to someone else.

Regular: “Yeah, [Child] wasn’t feeling well when we left. He threw up in the parking lot just now.”

I scoot back into the nursery and flag down the staff member in charge that morning.

Me: *Quietly* “[Regular] just told someone that [Child] threw up in the parking lot.”

Staff: “Just now?!”

Me: “Yep.”

Staff: *Sighs* “I’ll handle this.”

Sure enough, a few minutes later, the regular attempts to sign him in.

Staff: “Is [Child] sick?”

Regular: “Um…”

Staff: “I heard he threw up in the parking lot.”

Regular: “But he’s fine now!”

Staff: *Taps the sign at the door* “I can’t let him in. You know that.”

Regular: “Seriously?”

Staff: “Yes.”

She storms out, child in tow.

Regular: “SOMEONE HERE IS A TATTLE-TALE!”

I get a new job at this grocery store. I am hearing impaired and wear hearing aids. Nonetheless, the hiring manager is kind and patient with me and my hearing loss, and he makes it his duty to introduce me to one of my supervisors. I have an app that transcribes on my phone to help communicate with customers.

Customer: “Excuse me, can you help me? I’m—” *Unintelligible rapid talking*

Me: “I’m sorry, can you repeat that?”

The customer continues to talk rapidly. I have a bright yellow tag on my apron — a stark contrast to my blue apron — that reads in big, bold, letters, “Hearing Impaired.” Most people by now would’ve read this and it would’ve given me the chance to offer another way to hear them. This lady does not, and instead continues her long, almost rant-like request. When she’s done, I smile, and say:

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but I’m hard of hearing. I do have a transcribe app on my phone.” *Pulling it out* “Sorry, one second. All right! What were you saying?”

I hold the phone out to her. The customer grabs the phone, looks at it, and then starts speaking into it. Before she realizes it’s transcribing her words, she starts swinging her arm around, the one holding my phone.

My smile fades slightly as I’m worried she will drop it and annoyed she isn’t speaking into it, but I do not take my phone back nor interrupt her. When she finally stops, I smile at her and wait. She stares at me. I realize she just… took my phone and had no intention of giving it back without prompting.

Me: “Ma’am, can I get my phone back?”

I take the phone back quickly.

Me: “Unfortunately, I cannot hear you, but if you give me a second, I’ll find a supervisor to help you.”

I ran off to find a supervisor and he handled her when he heard what happened. I still have no idea what the heck that lady thought I was holding out my phone for, especially since I clearly stated it was a transcribe app!

It is my brother’s tenth birthday, and we’ve decided to hold a surprise party. My dad wants everyone out of the house so he can set it up, so while my mom takes my brother and his friends to the movies, I take my seven-year-old sister to the toy store to buy a present. My sister is an above-the-knee amputee. We are in the board games area when a little boy walks up to us.

Boy: “Wow! Do you have a robotic leg or something? That’s so cool! How does it work? Do you send your brainwaves down and control it, or are you like a cyborg or an android or something?”

Sister: “No, it’s not a robot. It’s just kind of… there.”

Boy: “How does it work, then?”

Sister: “I just move my thigh, and then the mechanical knee and leg move with it.”

Boy: “Oh, that’s cool. Do you go to [Elementary School]?”

My sister nods.

Boy: “Are you gonna be in third grade in September?”

My sister nods.

Boy: “Oh, cool! So am I! I just moved here from [State], and it’s really cool here. My name is [Boy]. What’s yours?”

Sister: “[Sister].”

The boy’s grandmother comes in.

Grandmother: “Are you making friends, [Boy]? That’s good. It’s good to make friends before the school year.”

She pauses, and then she realizes my sister has a prosthetic leg.

Grandmother: “Now, dear, remember what I told you about people like her. You don’t want to be friends with people like her, or else you’ll end up wearing noise-cancelling headphones and with two r*****ed legs.”

Me: “I don’t really think you understand how physical disabilities work. I don’t think you understand how disabilities work at all.”

Grandmother: “I’ll tell you what I do understand. If my daughter turned out r*****ed, I’d have her put up for adoption rather than poison the rest of the family. You seem like a sensible teenage boy; you understand.”

My sister looks like she’s about to cry.

Me: “Well, someone did put her up for adoption. They didn’t want a girl missing one leg. But we adopted her, and she’s the best little sister I could have ever had. Adopting her is the best decision our parents made.”

Grandmother: “You know what?! I don’t need to put up with this. Come on, dear. We’ll get your toys somewhere else where there aren’t so many r*****s.”

Boy: “Bye, [Sister]! See you at school!”

Grandmother: “And I’ll be having a talk with your mother about what types of people you make friends with.”

My sister is pretty upset about the whole situation, but I am able to calm her down enough that we can buy the present.

Manager: “Is that card game for you?”

My sister shakes her head.

Manager: “Oh, I see. In that case, I’m going to do something that I don’t do very often. I only do this for the most awesome customers, but I think you’ve shown that you’re one of them. I’m going to give you a $10 gift card for our store. You can go now and buy anything you want for $10 in this store, and then you come here and I’ll activate the card for you. Sound good?”

My sister was shocked at first but soon became extremely elated at the gift. She was so excited that, even on the bus ride home after buying her gift, she wouldn’t stop talking. The gift really did a great deal for her mood and to cheer her up after what the woman had said. She didn’t ever end up becoming great friends with the boy, but she told me she talked to him once or twice and he said that his grandmother is no longer allowed to be alone with him or his cousins.

This story is part of our Best Of August 2021 roundup!

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