My coworker is a short and heavyset female. One day, while she is taking the trash out at our gas station, she is lifting some heavy bags and the following happens.

Customer: “You shouldn’t be doing that.”

Coworker: “Why not?”

Customer: “Aren’t you pregnant?”

Coworker: *In the most cheerful voice* “Nope, just fat!”

The customer ran away red-faced.

Related:
Better Have A Big Fat Apology, Part 11
Better Have A Big Fat Apology, Part 10
Better Have A Big Fat Apology, Part 9
Better Have A Big Fat Apology, Part 8
Better Have A Big Fat Apology, Part 7

I am part of one of the top two vaccine trials for the most recent deadly disease in the United States. With it comes occasional visits to the clinic to take blood samples to test for antibodies.

I was very fortunate to be vaccinated in early October 2020, and it is now a year later. It is time for my booster shot! I take off an hour on a Monday afternoon to go and an hour on a Wednesday afternoon for the follow-up blood draw. I share the news with my boss and my more like-minded coworkers, and they are all excited for me. A couple even ask questions.

I do not, however, share it with two coworkers in the office who are opposed to vaccines. Unfortunately, one of them has access to the time-off logs and sees me taking time off. In addition to being actively anti-science, this coworker considers herself a bit of an amateur doctor — think diagnosing a stomach bug with pregnancy, fever with ovulation, bronchitis with allergies, etc. — and is a full-fledged gossip. Medical information is fodder to her.

So, it is very safe to say, I don’t tell her anything about my medical information. Otherwise, I will not only get her unnecessary and outlandish two cents but also have her spread it to everyone else. On top of it all, when she found out I was on the vaccine trial, she called me “reckless,” “irresponsible,” and “stupid,” and told me to never talk to her about it. I might as well respect her wishes, right?

After seeing me take Monday and Wednesday off as “Sick Time,” she calls me to ask what it is about under the guise of “being concerned about me.” I don’t pick up, and I continue my work, so she asks around. They all tell her that they don’t know. One even pointedly tells her to mind her own business.

Finally, she asks me in front of everyone in the Wednesday morning meeting. She does not like my response that I am getting my government tracking chip replaced. My boss — who has already had the booster — thinks it is pretty funny, though.

I work at a pharmacy. A customer is trying to fill a prescription.

Customer: “Make sure my medication doesn’t come from China! They make microchips there, and I don’t want any of the microchip-contaminated medicine.”

Me: “I’m not sure I understand what you’re talking about, sir.”

Customer: “I learned about it on YouTube!”

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I need to speak to your managing director, please.”

Me: “Our managing director is deaf and prefers to be contacted via email. I can give you the address if you’d like?”

Caller: “No, I need to speak with him directly; it’s regarding a limited-time offer. When is a good time to call back?”

Me: “You can call back any time you want; she will still be deaf.”

I am a cashier at a seafood carryout.

Customer: “Make sure they lightly fry that fish now. I’m serious, because if they don’t, it can make me really sick!”

Then, he proceeded to show me his rather full ostomy bag.