A Noteworthy Turnaround

, , , , , | Learning | November 16, 2017

(I’m 15 years old and a sophomore. Recently, I took a couple of days off school due to a nasty sinus infection. Before she drops me off, my mom gives me my doctor’s note and I head inside. A couple of hours later, I get called into the office of one of the three assistant principals.)

Assistant Principal: “So, [My Name], did you know we call the doctor’s office to verify sick notes?”

Me: “Um, I guess?”

Assistant Principal: “Since you have a clean record, you’ll only get one day of lunch detention if you confess.”

Me: “Huh? Confess to what?”

Assistant Principal: *gets a creepy smile on his face and calls for the receptionist* “You changed the dates on your note.”

Me: “What?! No I didn’t. I only got it from my mom when she dropped me off! I didn’t have time to do that.”

(The receptionist comes in and says the office only confirmed one day of my absence, not the three I needed. They go back and forth accusing me and telling me I’ll get a week’s lunch detention for lying. Finally, in tears, I take out my cell phone and get them to call my mom at work.)

Assistant Principal: “Hello, Mrs. [Last Name]. This is your daughter’s principal at [School]. She’s hysterical and wanted us to call you because the dates on her doctor’s note were changed. She says she didn’t do it, but…”

(There’s a long pause and his smile slowly fades away. He looks between me and the receptionist.)

Assistant Principal: “W-well, yes, ma’am. No, ma’am. Yes, ma’am, I will. But just for future reference, you can’t do th—”

(He pauses again and gives me back my phone.)

Assistant Principal: “So, your mother says she changed the note. Just tell her she can’t do that next time.”

(They got rid of the detention notice on my records and sent me on my way. I get having to punish kids who do mess up, but maybe don’t look like you’re enjoying it so much?)

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Allergic To Common Sense, Part 12

, , , | Healthy | November 15, 2017

(I’m a manager for a popular casual restaurant. I receive a phone call from an upset customer.)

Caller: “Why don’t you offer allergy menus? My daughter almost died from eating calamari! Why would you serve her something that she is allergic to, and she’s pregnant!”

Me: “I do apologize for your daughter’s condition and we do offer a dozen different types of menus which do include an allergen menu, nutritional menus, large print menus, etc.”

Caller: “How am I supposed to know you have these menus?!”

Me: “Did you ask? Also, if your daughter knew she was allergic to calamari, why would she order it?”

Caller: “She didn’t know she was allergic to it! That’s why I was asking about the allergen menu!”

Me: “Okay, so, if she doesn’t know that she is allergic to calamari, how are we supposed to know?”

Caller: *realizes the paradox* “Well, she’s pregnant and I am really scared.”

(I’m a mom of two.)

Me: “I understand you are scared and when a person is pregnant their body goes through a lot of changes; consult with the doctor and I hope she will be okay.”

(I never got a call back I wonder if she still thinks we should automatically know if someone is allergic to something.)

Allergic To Common Sense, Part 11
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 10
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 9

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Scar Issue

, , , , | Right | November 15, 2017

(I have a particularly nasty scar on my neck where I had several lymph nodes removed for a biopsy two years ago. I’m proud of this scar, because those lymph nodes determined I was in an early stage of cancer and got me the treatment I needed before it could metastasize. I hear all manner of comments on this scar, but this is by far the most outrageous.)

Customer: “What’d you do there?” *gestures on his own neck*

Me: “Oh, it’s a biopsy scar.”

Customer: “That looks terrible. You know, one time I had a scar like that right behind my ear. I went into a great plastic surgeon and he fixed it all up right there in his office.”

Me: “Awesome.”

Customer: “I could give you his name. It’s a shame; you’re such a pretty girl. You shouldn’t have to live with that for the rest of your life.”

Me: “No, thank you.”

Customer: “Really. It’s pretty simple.”

Me: “Sir, with all due respect, I am very proud of this scar. I believe scars tell stories, and this is the best one I’ve got. For the record, I asked for this scar to look the way it does. I think it’s beautiful, so I’ll say again: I’m really not interested.”

(He took his groceries and left, but I see him all the time, and after this incident, he’s avoided my line AND making eye contact.)

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H2-Woah, Part 4

, , , , , | Right | November 15, 2017

(I run a private computer store associated with a larger company. We see a lot of customers each day with issues using their cell phones. Many have changed something on the device that they were not aware of, and it requires us to scroll through a number of different settings on the device to troubleshoot. This happens while I am helping a lady who appears to be in her 60s.)

Customer: “Do you by chance have a water fountain?”

Me: “No, but will a bottle of water do?”

(I keep water in our refrigerator for personal use; I usually buy bulk packs of mini bottles. I get a bottle of water from the back room, hand it to her, and bend over to the counter to look closely at the phone settings once again. She starts drinking from the bottle, standing directly opposite me, and basically right on top of me as I check her phone. She then gets some water down the wrong pipe, and does the biggest cough and spit take you have ever seen, showering me, the counter, and her phone. I take it all in stride, clean up what I can with a roll of paper towels we keep behind the counter, and get her taken care of the best I can, and she leaves.)

Coworker: “You have got the be the most composed person I have ever seen! She was shooting water out her nose, even! If it would have been me, I would have told her I had to go home and take a shower after that!”

(I didn’t really need to hear that part. Bonus points: she never said she was sorry!)

H2-Woah, Part 3
H2-Woah, Part 2

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Birth Control Your Child

, , , , , | Related | November 14, 2017

(I’m having brunch with my dad when my phone alarm goes off to remind me to take my pill. I reach into my purse, keep my hands below the level of the table, and quietly pop a pill out of the pack. I palm the pill and raise it to my mouth.)

Dad: *cringes* “You shouldn’t take birth control in front of your father.”

Me: *annoyed because I tried to be subtle enough for him to ignore it, and also because I’m in my twenties* “Sorry. Would you rather I wait, miss taking it at the same time every day, and increase my chances of getting pregnant?”

Dad: *cringes harder* “No!”

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