Some sixty years ago, Mom purchased one of those skinny sets of encyclopedias one found at the grocery store. If you spent a certain amount of money each week, you got each progressive volume for a discounted price or for free.

According to my mother (I remember NONE of this except the encyclopedias themselves), I could not get enough of those encyclopedias. I would start at A, read it through, and keep going all the way to Z. Then, I would start over. I also read them aloud to my younger brother, which means I had to be at least eight years old.

On a Sunday, after we got home from church and were still sitting in the car, my little brother piped up out of the blue to ask:

Brother: “How does the baby get in the mommy’s tummy?”

Mom said that she and Dad looked at each other, looked at my brother and at me, and then looked at each other again.

Mom: “We were expecting that question, but from you, not your brother. And we had no idea what to say.”

They didn’t have to say anything, as it turned out.

I apparently sighed with all the frustration of a very old person put through the wringer and said:

Me: “For heaven’s sake, [Brother]. Don’t you remember? I read you the article about whales. It said in the story how whales make babies, and Mommies and Daddies do things pretty much the same.”

Brother: “Oh, yeah. I forgot.”

My parents heaved a huge sigh of relief. And I probably went into the house, grabbed the encyclopedia, and began another reading cycle.

I’m a personal trainer working with a client. We have a friendly relationship and banter is part of our routine. I know that about ten years ago, he used to do Crossfit, but that fell by the wayside and now he’s opted for one-on-one personal training.

Me: “Okay, let’s start with twenty burpees.”

Client: *Audibly groans*

Me: “Oh, come on. You did Crossfit for how many years? Burpees should be your bread and butter!”

Client: “Yes, but when I make myself some bread and butter, I don’t make twenty slices of it.”

Me: *Pauses* “Now listen here, you little s***.”

He did twenty more burpees at the end.

Content Warning: Pregnancy Loss

I had a miscarriage. I rang the supermarket where I worked to say I needed a day or two off to recover. I spoke to a female manager.

Manager: “That’s not an illness. You’re not sick. You’d better be here tomorrow or you’ll be given a written warning.”

I went to work the next morning bleeding, crying, and cramping badly, and I was assigned the babycare aisle to stock and manage.

I had two female ducks and one male duck. The females always had wounds behind their heads due to the aggressive mating rituals ducks do and the fact that there were only two females available. We then decided to take the male to a farm (not a euphemism) and got two more female ducks.

I sent a picture of the new ducks to my mom and sis. Then, they baffled me via group text.

Me: “We have four female ducks now.”

Sis: “Will they still lay eggs?”

Me: “Yep.”

Mom: “You still have the male, right?”

Me: “No. I told you, we traded him.”

Mom: “Aww. Then you won’t have duck eggs anymore.”

Me: “Huh? Of course, I would. It’s like female humans. Eggs are produced with or without the male.”

Mom: “How will you get eggs without the male?”

Me: “Females produce eggs. Female plus male makes babies. No male, just eggs.”

Mom: “Ohhh.”

Me: “…”

I had to have major surgery when I was eleven years old. I have metal pins that keep my pelvis and hips in place. If the weather is really bad — snow, ice, etc. — I tend to not go outside for fear of falling and seriously injuring myself.

One year we had a really bad snow storm and black ice, so I called in to tell my human resources manager that I wasn’t going to be able to make it in. She laughed.

HR Manager: “You have two options: use crutches, or put salt in front of you as you walk.”

Crutches on ice? She’s mad! I refused.

HR Manager: “If you’re not able to do your job due to a disability, you should hand in your notice.”

My mum overheard this conversation with the HR manager and snatched the phone from my hand. She told the HR manager in no uncertain terms how appalling she was for what she’d said and that I would not be coming in until the ice and snow were gone.

The weather cleared up and I returned to work. The HR manager was furious and tried to write me up, but the line manager had my back. I was not written up. Instead, the line manager went to the HR manager’s boss. They sat her down and made her write a letter to me apologising.

Two months later, she left the company.