Make That Your Uniform Response

, , , , | Right | June 16, 2017

(I’m working as a bagger today and am standing at the end of a belt when a customer walks up behind me and starts asking a question.)

Customer: “Excuse me, sir, could you hand me some extra bags?” *I turn to look at him as he steps in front of me* “Oh! I’m so sorry, ma’am!”

Me: *I smile and hand him a couple bags* “It’s all right.”

Customer: *very embarrassed and seeming unsure what to do with himself* “It’s just from the back… I like your hair.”

(I had a very unfortunate hair cut a couple months back and drastic measures had to be taken.)

Me: “It’s fine; don’t worry about.” *as he turns and walks away, inspiration hits me* “It’s called a uniform for a reason!”

Customer: “Yeah, it is!”

Not The Way You Traditionally Drop Acid

, , , | Learning | June 16, 2017

(I am getting my degree in biochemistry and taking a lab course. One of the labs is to ‘digest’ leafy greens to determine the metal content. The greens are digested by boiling them in concentrated nitric acid. Somehow I forget you aren’t supposed to pipette an acid, and while trying to measure the nitric acid, the bulb slips. I feel one drop hit my skin and it starts to burn, so I stick my arm under running water.)

Professor: “Spilled acid on yourself?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Professor: “Nitric acid burns tend to turn orange, so don’t be alarmed if that happens.”

(I was very disappointed; my acid burn didn’t turn orange.)

Muscling Up A Comeback

, , , , | Right | June 15, 2017

(It is near the end of my shift and my coworker has arrived to relieve me. As she’s putting her money in her register a guest approaches the counter.)

Guest: “Do you have a holding service?”

Me: “What’s that?”

Guest: “A holding service.” *he motions to the coat on his arm* “You know, some place I could leave this?”

Me: “Oh! No, sorry, sir; not here.”

Guest: “Aw, but this coat is heavy!”

Coworker: “Think how we feel carrying our purses around!”

Guest: “Yeah, but you ladies come equipped with something that helps you carry them.”

Me: *without missing a beat, I cheerily chirp back* “So do you. They’re called muscles.”

To Be Fair That Would Still Kill The Lice

, , , | Learning | June 15, 2017

This is during high school health class. During the STD/STI unit, our teacher tells us how, in years past, he would ask students for ideas on how to get rid of pubic lice.

What did they come up with? Setting it on fire and hitting it with a hammer.

Good thing my school at least tried to teach sex ed!

That Joke Doesn’t Have A Leg To Stand On

, , , , , | Learning | June 14, 2017

(It’s right after winter break, and I’m chatting with my lab manager, my research professor, and one of the new hires. My research professor is paraplegic; I know it happened the summer he was 19, but he doesn’t talk about it much. I’m describing going skiing with my boyfriend.)

Me: “…he couldn’t get more than ten feet without falling down, even on perfectly level ground, never mind on the hills. I was honestly kind of scared he was going to break a bone or something; ski accidents can get ugly.”

Research Professor: *totally deadpan, and gesturing at his wheelchair* “I know, right?”

(The lab manager and I started cracking up, while the new hire looked horrified. My research professor lasted about thirty seconds before he broke and started cracking up, too. One of many reasons he is my favorite professor ever!)

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