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Free Of Gluten, Free Of Thought, Part 9

, , , , | Right | October 27, 2022

A gentleman at the restaurant I am managing calls me over to complain about his food and service.

Customer: “The burger has come on a bun!”

Me: “Yes, sir. All our burgers will come with a bun unless you specify otherwise.”

Customer: “I am deathly allergic to gluten!”

Me: “Did you voice this dietary need to your server?”

Customer: “The Celiac Organization told me that I shouldn’t have to act any differently based on my condition.”

Me: “So, how was your server supposed to know about your allergy? They do all ask if there are any allergies or dietary restrictions when you order.”

Customer: “The Celiac Organization told me I shouldn’t—”

Me: “—have to act any differently, yes, sir. I will assume that is a no, and that you expected the server to read your mind and just magically know about your allergy. I’ll have your meal remade with your allergy noted.”

The whole time I dealt with him, his family was totally silent and wouldn’t even look at me because they were so embarrassed.

Related:
Free Of Gluten, Free Of Thought, Part 8
Free Of Gluten, Free Of Thought, Part 7
Free Of Gluten, Free Of Thought, Part 6
Free Of Gluten, Free Of Thought Part 5
Free Of Gluten, Free Of Thought Part 4

Someone F***ed Around And Mom Found Out

, , , , , | Related | October 27, 2022

I’m working from home. My brother is getting ready to head back to college at the end of his summer. My mom walks into my room unannounced.

Mom: “Hi. I’m helping [Brother] pack, and we need some more storage containers. Do you have anything we could use?”

Me: “Sure, let me look around.”

She grabs a box

Mom: “Oh, this would be perfect.”

She opens it before I can stop her and gets a horrified look before holding up an unopened and unused condom.

Mom: “Uh, [My Name], what is this?”

Me: “What do you think it is?”

Mom: “Why do you have this?”

Me: “Because I have a girlfriend and I’m being safe, just like you taught me.”

She just stares at me.

Me: “Well, this just got awkward quickly.”

Mom: “Yeah, uh, thanks. I think we have some boxes in the garage.” *Leaves*

On the plus side, she never randomly went through stuff in my room again.

Some People Have No Sense Of Decency

, , , , , | Working | October 26, 2022

This story is just about the cruelest thing I believe I have ever witnessed. The villains of this story are my brand-new coworkers at a rather small but popular salad bar joint.

It is my first day, and I am informed that the girl who was supposed to train me has gone into labor. Not only am I not going to be trained, but they are going to “throw me to the wolves” and see how I do. I do rather well, I like to think; the job is easy enough as almost everybody orders salad bar. There are menu options, but they are limited and also come with the salad bar, and it helps that we are famous for our sweet tea. The night is flying by and I am having fun.

Then, I notice some of the waitresses standing in front of the door, staggering around with their hands out and eyes closed as if groping for something, and laughing uproariously. Curious, of course, I trot over to see what the joke is.

To my everlasting horror and shame, they are making fun of a woman standing outside the door who is quite obviously blind.

I run out.

Me: “Ma’am, can I lead you inside?”

No response. But I noticed that she was signing — as in American Sign Language. This woman was blind and deaf and just standing on the sidewalk of our restaurant!

I didn’t know the etiquette, but I knew she was freaking out, so I gently took her hand and put it on my arm and she calmed down. I led her in and seated her in the booth. At this point, I will thank God for regulars, because a bunch of them knew what was going on.

Turns out the waitress who was giving birth was also a caretaker for this woman after she got off of work. [Woman] always met [Waitress] outside and then came in for a steak sandwich and a sweet tea while she waited for the waitress to finish her shift.

I shot off a quick phone call to my sister who (Thank God again!) majored in ASL. My sister rushed over to my new job and sat down with [Woman]. Both were equally tickled pink, as my sister rarely got to practice her ASL with someone who was also blind. My sister told [Woman] that [Waitress] had gone into very premature labor, and in the emergency, no one had thought to call her!

Eventually, we were able to contact the right people to help this poor woman out. My manager was also really great with her.

Nothing ever happened to those waitresses, though I did read each and every one of them the riot act and tell them all that I’ve never been so ashamed to be a human being.

I did not last long at that job, as I couldn’t stand being surrounded by such cruel people. On applications, when giving a reason for leaving, I put “Irreconcilable differences with my coworkers”!

An Explosive Drop In Pregnancy Rates

, , , , , , | Healthy | October 26, 2022

Patient: “My husband and I have been talking and we’ve agreed I should get an IED.”

Me: “Uh… you mean an IUD? To prevent pregnancy.”

Patient: “Yes! But I’m sure it’s an IED.”

Me: “An IUD is an intrauterine device. An IED is… something else.”

Patient: “Is an IED more effective?”

Me: “An IED is an improvised explosive device.”

Patient: “So… will that stop me from getting pregnant?”

Me: “Technically?”

Didn’t Keep Quiet About It

, , , , | Right | October 26, 2022

I’m the morning cashier, and I have an extremely sore throat. To save the pain, I keep my talking to a minimum to the customers, just saying hello and asking the necessary questions.

I ring up around five customers and hit a quiet patch, and then my manager calls me into the training room.

Manager: “The last customer you rang up complained about you.”

Me: “Really? No one seemed mad to me.”

Manager: “She said that you were quiet and unfriendly to her.”

Me: “I’m always quiet! And I have a sore throat!”

Manager: “I’m sorry, and I understand. I just have to let you know about it. You’re not in trouble.”

First of all, just because someone is quiet, it doesn’t mean they’re rude.

Second of all, if that whiny lady wanted a conversation so badly, why didn’t she just talk to me during the transaction?! She was as quiet as I was!