Needling Past The Obvious

, , , | Working | June 21, 2017

(One of my friends needs to have her blood drawn for a medical analysis. My friend wears a lot of piercings on her face.)

Me: *to my friend when she gets out* “Was everything okay?”

Friend: “Oh, yes! But something funny happened.”

Me & Girlfriend: “What?”

Friend: “The nurse saw my face, and still asked me if I was afraid of needles.”

That’s A Pretty Weighty Assumption

, , , , | Working | June 20, 2017

(I’m at my primary physician’s office, waiting for my annual checkup.)

Nurse: “Let’s get some basic measurements before you see the doctor!”

Me: Okay!

(All goes well until…)

Nurse: “Now, do you remember approximately how much you weigh?”

Me: “…”

Nurse: “If you don’t remember or don’t know, we can weigh you!”

(Isn’t accuracy or making sure I don’t lie the whole point of taking these measurements AT the doctor’s office?)

Nursing A Good Tale

, , , | Learning | June 20, 2017

(I am hanging out with some friends between classes. One of my friends has her two-month-old son with her, and I’m holding him. Another friend joins us, bringing along one of their classmates that the rest of us haven’t met before. We’re chatting, and someone asks the classmate what their major is.)

Classmate: “I’m an engineering major.”

Friend #1: “Me, too!”

(They go around the group, talking about their majors, and then they get to me.)

Classmate: “What are you doing, [My Name]?”

Me: “Oh, I’m nursing.”

(The classmate gets a weird look on his face, and he glances at the baby in my arms.)

Me: “Major! I’m a nursing major! This is [Friend]’s baby!”

First Aid Was Thought Last

, , , | Friendly | June 20, 2017

(My sister, my cousin, and two friends come to visit me and we go to a nature reserve. My friend is using her army knife to chopping vegetables for dinner.)

Me: “Can I see your knife?”

Friend: “Yeah, here – oops!”

(The knife went point-down into my foot and must have hit an artery because the floor was covered in bright red blood in seconds. I quickly sat down and raised my foot in the air while the other girls scurried around grabbing towels to put pressure on it. Later, when we had the bleeding under control:)

Me: “Guys, we are a biologist, a rural social worker, an Army officer, a police employee, and an Outward Bound instructor — and nobody brought any first aid stuff?”

Their Heart Just Isn’t In It

, , , | Working | June 19, 2017

(I work at a hotel on the night shift. Tonight, about 20 minutes into my shift, my security guard radios telling us he needs an ambulance to the staff break-room — for himself. We call right away, but he stops responding on the radio and we don’t know exactly what the issue is.)

Emergency Operator: “What is the problem he’s experiencing?”

Coworker: “Well, we’re not sure; he’s at the back of the hotel and we’re at the front, but he has had some documented medical issues recently.”

Emergency Operator: “Well, I need you to go to where he is and call me again from there with details.”

Coworker: “Okay.”

(She hangs up, and is about to start walking back, but barely gets five feet before one of the housekeepers radios again saying that the guard is having a heart attack. Not wanting to waste a moment, I tell my coworker to keep going but call for an ambulance again immediately.)

Me: “I’m calling from [Hotel]; our security guard is having a heart attack!”

Emergency Operator: “Okay, well, is he sitting up or laying down?”

Me: *thinking that the way this transaction should have gone was ‘I say heart attack, you say ambulance’* “What? I don’t know! I’m not where he is right now!”

Emergency Operator: *sounding annoyed* “I told the other girl that she needed to call me from where he is.”

Me: “Yeah, I know, but then we were told he is HAVING A HEART ATTACK! It’s a big hotel! I didn’t want to waste the time of her getting back there!”

(I actually had to radio to the back and get my coworker to tell me things like whether he was breathing and what position he was in before she’d send me an ambulance. Thankfully they got there in time — and yes, it was confirmed to definitely have been a heart attack!)

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