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Won’t Have To Fight Him Tooth And Nail Over It

, , , , , | Right | January 15, 2019

(I work at a hardware store in the paint department. One day this customer comes up to me with a cart full of different caulking and a piece of molding.)

Customer: “How can I attach this to above my garage? Which is the best to use?”

Me: “Well, you can use [construction adhesive] to provide a better hold?”

Customer: “Will it stay there forever if I use that product?”

Me: “Well, uh, no? But it will last a long time if you’ve used it in con–“

Customer: “I don’t want it if it won’t!”

Me: “Have you considered using a nail? Then just going over the gaps with a—“

Customer: “Like [Construction Adhesive Brand]?”

Me: “No, like an actual nail that you use a hammer for.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s perfect! Forgot actual nails existed!”

(He walked away toward nails with the molding, and left twenty bottles of caulking in a cart for me to deal with. Not cool, man, not cool.)

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Found A Surefire Way To Ensure Customers’ Children Behave

, , , , | Related Right | December 28, 2018

(I work in the jewelry department at my store, and during the holidays I like to wear a Santa hat. As I’m walking the floor, I see a boy of about four or so in a stroller, who’s giving me the most intense, confused look. Keep in mind I’m a woman in my 20s with long, blonde hair, and a nice black dress and shoes.)

Boy: *turning to his mother, whispering loudly* “Mom… is that Santa?”

(His mom and I struggled not to laugh as she explained that I was NOT Santa, but one of his helpers. It was the cutest thing!)

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Feeble Attempts To Incur Fees

, , , , | Working | December 17, 2018

I live in Hawaii, and I have an account with my state bank. When I move to the mainland, they tell me that I can send a letter to close the account and retrieve the money. I think this is a great way to avoid carrying cash on the plane, so I tell the teller that I will do that.

In my new home, I set up the new bank account and send the letter. I include everything my old bank asks of me, including the line, “Please close all accounts and send the remaining balance to [my address].”

A month later, they send the check and my new bank accepts it. I think that’s the end of it.

Six months after my initial letter, my old bank sends me a fee notice. “Your account has been under the minimum balance amount for six months, and you have accrued $30 in fees. Failure to pay this fee will result in your debt being sent to a collection agency.”

This story is part of our Bad Bankers roundup!

Read the next Bad Bankers roundup story!

Read the Bad Bankers roundup!

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The Mother Of All Voices

, , , , | Right | October 20, 2018

(Our store has been having a lot of trouble with people, from children to young adults, fooling around on the escalators — running up the down escalator and vice versa, putting their feet on the sides and sliding on the down escalator, sitting on the steps, etc. I work at the jewelry counter, which wraps around the base of both escalators, and our department members have tried politely asking people to practice safety, to no avail. I get permission from my manager to start being a bit more firm. I have a very chipper, cheery personality, and my normal pitch is a bit high, but I’ve done some theater, so I am able to lower my pitch and project my voice pretty darn far, and I also have the benefit of being able to imitate my own mother’s truly terrifying “Mom voice.”)

Me: *next time I see a teen girl crouching on the up escalator, hanging off the handrails* “STAND UP, PLEASE.”

Girl: *jerks her head around to stare at me*


Girl: *immediately stands*


(I turn around and my manager and coworkers are staring at me.)

Me: *normal voice* “I think that worked.”

Coworker: “Holy s***.”

Manager: *laughs* “Even I snapped to attention a little bit! It’s so weird to hear that voice coming from you; normally you sound like a Disney princess.”

(A few days later, I’m showing a customer pieces when the after-school crowd from the nearby middle school shows up. Two girls start racing each other up the down escalator behind me.)

Me: *turning my head* “TURN AROUND AND WALK DOWN, NOW.”

(They come down and scamper away with their friends, and I turn back to the customer, who’s looking at me a little wide-eyed.)

Me: *normal voice* “Sorry about that. You wanted to see this bracelet?”

(Not even a minute later, I hear the tell-tale loud squeaking of people trying to slide down the escalator, this time a few middle-school boys.)


(They stand properly and ride down normally, and I turn back to the bug-eyed customer. I apologize again and continue assisting her.)

Customer: “Um… Do you know those kids?”

Me: *nonchalant* “Oh, no, but I don’t want to clean up blood today.”

(The next day, not wanting to have my customer service interrupted again, I stood by the base of the down escalator ten minutes after schools got out, and waited. When the crowd of middle-schoolers showed up, I counted at least three who walked directly to the down escalator’s base, suddenly noticed me standing there staring at them, and quickly veered away. Saved my throat from the “Mom voice” for a day!)

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Acting More Precious Than The Jewels

, , , | Right | October 2, 2018

(I work in the fine jewelry section of a department store, and this is a conversation I’ve had numerous times with different customers.)

Customer: *trying on a gold and diamond pendant necklace* “This is pretty. I’ll get this one.”

Me: “Sure! Let me ring that up for you.”

Customer: “Oh, could I get one from the back?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we only have one of these in stock.”

Customer: *disappointed* “Really?”

Me: “Yes, the majority of our higher-end pieces will only have one per store.”

Customer: “Oh, well, I wanted one that hasn’t been touched. Could I get another discount then, since this is a display item?”

(Our fine jewelry is kept in locked glass cases.)

Me: “No, ma’am, unfortunately, that’s not something we can do. If you like, I can order you one from the warehouse?”

Customer: *sighs* “No, that’s too much trouble. I guess I’ll just take this.”

(With the number of pieces we have, it’s rare for an item to be tried on by more than a single customer. And while I’ve had this conversation about necklaces, bracelets, and rings, I’ve never had it about earrings, which is the ONLY sort of jewelry you might be concerned about someone before you trying on. We are careful to clean them with alcohol after. I’ve never had this issue in the years I worked in clothes, and you don’t want to know how many people tried on that dress before you did!)

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