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Love’s Languages’s Lost

, , , , , , | Romantic | December 6, 2011

(I am a Japanese teacher. I am presiding over homeroom. A female student, who had a pretty serious fight with her boyfriend in the hall before homeroom, is intently writing on a piece of paper.)

Student: “Ugh, I can’t do this anymore!”

(She throws down her pen and calls up to me.)

Student: “Love is too hard!”

Me: “Well, I know it always seems that way after having a fight. But, you know, people have disagreements all the time and work through them. Besides, you’re still young, and part of this age is discovering how to be in a relationship with others. I am sure he is just as upset as you are.”

(She looks at me quizzically and then holds up the paper she is working on.)

Student: “I meant trying to write it in Japanese for your homework.”

Me: “Oh. Yeah. That can be hard, too.”


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The Formula For Laziness

, , , | Right | April 3, 2011

Me: “Thank you for calling [store]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Hi. I was wondering if you had [brand] formula?”

Me: “If you hold on, I will go check.”

(I go and check. I come back on the line a few minutes later.)

Me: “Thank you for holding, ma’am. We have the formula. Would you like me to hold some for you?”

Caller: “No, I’m in the parking lot. I just wanted to make sure you had it today before I came in.”


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Bad Karma Chameleons

, , , , | Right | February 23, 2011

Customer: “Excuse me, why do you sell live crickets?”

Me: “They’re bought as food for Jackson Chameleons, birds, and other animals. They have to be sold live because Jackson Chameleons have poor eyesight and can only see their food if it’s moving.”

Customer: “That’s terrible! So they’re just going to die?”

Me: “Well, chameleons have to eat, too. But it’s okay. It happens so fast that the crickets won’t see it coming.”

Customer: “That’s so cruel! Why doesn’t someone tell them?! If I was going to be eaten, I’d certainly want to know!”


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Winding Down On Dialing Up

, , , , , , | Right | November 19, 2010

Me: “Thank you for contacting technical support. How can I help you?”

Customer: *whispering* “Can you shut my Internet off for four hours?”

Me: “I could disable the port, but may I ask why?”

Customer: *whispering* “My son has been locked in his room since last night and he won’t come out or talk to me. He hasn’t eaten breakfast yet and it’s three pm.”

Me: “I suppose I could; however, you will need to call us to re-enable your connection.”

Customer: “Thank you! I don’t know what he’s doing in there on the computer. It’s been like this since we got your Internet.”

Me: “Your connection has been disabled. Is there anything else I can do for you tonight?”

Customer: “No, thank you. I hope he comes out soon!”


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The Land Of Surf, Sun, And Time Dilation

, , , , | Right | March 13, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling [Call Center]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to place an order.”

Me: “I’d be happy to do that for you; however, our ordering system is down. If you’d like to call back in fifteen minutes, someone can help you with that.”

Customer: “Okay, so is it fifteen minutes Hawaii time or your time?”

Me: “No… just fifteen minutes… I’m pretty sure that’s the same no matter where you are, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh! Okay, thanks.”

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