He Is Twice The Man

, , , , , , , , | Right | October 18, 2012

(For the Halloween season, we’re running several horror houses, which aren’t otherwise open throughout the year. Light-up devices aren’t allowed inside any of the houses, and as a queue supervisor, I’ve been warning people of this via a cute spiel I made up.)

Me: “There are no light-up devices allowed inside. It will make it easier to find you, and you will be eaten alive most violently!”

(A guest, who seems to have had both legs amputated and is using a wheelchair, speaks up.)

Guest: “But I’ve already been half-eaten!”


This story is part of our Halloween roundup!

Read the next Halloween roundup story!

Read the Halloween roundup!


This story is included in our Wheelchairs Versus Ableism roundup!

Click here to read the next story!

Click here to go to the roundup!

1 Thumbs
5,351

More Daylight, Less Twilight, Part 7

, , | Right | March 1, 2012

(I am a vampire at a haunted house. My costume includes fangs, a cape, and of course, I am drenched in blood.)

Teenage Girl: *looking extremely mad* “What is this?! They got your costumes all wrong!”

Me: *snarling, not dropping character* “You smell delicious… It’s so rare we get fresh victims…”

Teenage Girl: “No, no, no! Vampires drink ANIMAL blood! And why aren’t you sparkling?!”

Me: “Your neck… It’s so… inviting—”

Teenage Girl: “This is WRONG! You aren’t real vampires!” *stomps away*


This story is part of our Haunted Houses roundup!

Read the next Haunted Houses roundup story!

Read the Haunted Houses roundup!


Did you find this story using our Vampire roundup?

Click here to see the next story!

Click here to go back to the roundup!

1 Thumbs
2,408