The Horror Of Housecleaning

, , , , | Related | July 10, 2014

(I am about four years old. My family has taken me to a haunted house, and I am fascinated by the decorations.)

Me: “Hey, look at these cobwebs! These are just like the ones we have at home!”


This story is part of our Haunted Houses roundup!

Read the next Haunted Houses roundup story!

Read the Haunted Houses roundup!

1 Thumbs
410

It’s Scary What They Want Refunds For

, , , , , , | Right | June 17, 2014

(A woman walks into our haunted house with her 10-year-old son, buying admission for the two of them. After she comes out, she storms over to me, a look of anger on her face.)

Customer: “Refund. Now!”

Me: “Ma’am, as you can see by this sign, we have a strict ‘No Refund’ policy.”

Customer: “No, you don’t understand. I want my money back, and I want it now! I want to speak with the manager of this place.”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, I am the manager.”

Customer: “Then you can give me a refund.”

Me: “Before we take this any further, I’d like to know why you want a refund.”

Customer: “Do you have any idea how bad this place scared my child? He was terrified!”

Me: “Well, in that case, I certainly cannot give you a refund.”

Customer: “Oh? Why’s that?”

Me: “You see, ma’am, this is a haunted house. Our job here is to scare and frighten everyone who comes in here. You said your son was scared when he went in. Then you got what you paid for.”

Customer: “Yeah, but I didn’t think it would scare him THAT bad!”

Me: “Then we’ve exceeded expectations.”

Customer: “No, you didn’t! You scared a little ten-year-old boy to death!”

Me: “As I stated, that is our job. It is up to the family of children to decide whether the child should go in or not.”

Customer: “I think it would be up to the workers here to not scare a child who’s coming through!”

Me: “Then they wouldn’t be doing their job, ma’am.”

Customer: “So, I can’t get a refund?”

Me: “I’m afraid not.”

Customer: “You should change the policy about refunds, then.”

Me: “I have no power to do that. I’m the manager, but not the owner. And he has told us that if we were to give out refunds, we would have no profit, because people would abuse the refunds right. This is why we can’t do it.”

Customer: “No refund?”

Me: “No refund, sorry.”

Customer: “Well, then I’m NEVER coming back to this place ever again!”

Me: “Okay.”

(The woman looked at me in disbelief for a few seconds before she briskly walked away, murmuring something to herself.)


This story is part of our Haunted Houses roundup!

Read the next Haunted Houses roundup story!

Read the Haunted Houses roundup!

1 Thumbs
2,206

Mom Is Getting Into The Swing Of It

, , , , | Related | May 2, 2014

(It is Halloween, and my mom and I are going through a haunted house in a theme park.)

Guy With Chainsaw: *suddenly pops up and revs chainsaw at my mom*

Mom: “Aieee!” *swings a punch at guy*

Guy With Chainsaw: *dodges* “Hey! No touching!”

Me: “Mom, you’re not supposed to hit the people that work here!”

Mom: “I didn’t hit! I only took a swing!”


This story is part of our Haunted Houses roundup!

Read the next Haunted Houses roundup story!

Read the Haunted Houses roundup!

1 Thumbs
412

He’s The Best Actor Of The Bunch

, , , , | Right | October 14, 2013

(It’s mid-September. I’m helping my parents with their haunted house by working in the concessions stand. For the past few years, a customer has gone through and come back out blackened and bruised,, and sues us, claiming one of our actors hit him. Due to lack of evidence he has never won a case, but the trials themselves drain away anywhere from $500-$1000 of our income. We banned him the year before, but this year he comes back and we’re sure it’s to try his scam again. The cashier is new and doesn’t know his face, so she goes ahead and sells him a ticket. After that he walks up to the stand where my coworker and I are.)

Customer: “Man, just starting the season, and you guys are already this busy? I bet you’ll be rich before the year is over.”

Coworker: “Yeah… I get a feeling not as much as we should, since you’re here.”

Customer: “Aw, come on; I can’t help it that your employees are all brutes and bullies. Anyway, I’m going to go ahead and go in. Take care!”

(My coworker looks ready to call security; I tap her on the shoulder and shake my head, watching as the man goes through.)

Coworker: “Why did you do that? You know what he’s going to do.”

(I give my best slasher smile.)

Me: “We bought security cameras this year.”

(Sure enough, he made another attempt at his scam. The camera caught him goading an actor into attacking him, and when they didn’t fall for it, he walked out of sight of people but still where cameras were. He bashed his arm and head against the wall until he bruised. When he tried to sue, we let him take to us to court and showed the camera footage. The case was dropped immediately, and we counter-sued him for roughly three times the cost of being taken to court, very nearly making up all the money he had scammed out of us in the years past.)


This story is part of our Haunted Houses roundup!

Read the next Haunted Houses roundup story!

Read the Haunted Houses roundup!


This story is part of our Scammer roundup!

Want to read the next story? Click here!

Want to see the roundup? Click here!

1 Thumbs
5,986

Actors Of The Corn

, , , , | Right | April 1, 2013

(I work in a Halloween ‘Horror Maze.’ Twenty other actors and I lurk in the corn maze at night. Our job is to scare the customers as they come through. People are usually into the whole thing, but sometimes we have groups through that deliberately take the whole thing as a joke and belittle the actors. I hide just off the side of the path in the ‘hospital ward’, which is lined with beds and straw dummies. The customers don’t usually see me until I rush out at them. This means I hear them coming, and also hear what they say.)

Male Customer #1: “Dude this is f****** dumb; it’s not even scary!”

Male Customer #2: “I know! The North Island’s maze is so much better! This is f****** tame!”

(The rest of group grunts in agreement. This group is comprised of really big, tough-looking Samoan guys. I am a relatively tall woman dressed as an axe murdering man, complete with a wooden axe. I am minuscule compared to them. They enter my area through the net archway.)

Male Customer #2: “What the f*** is this s*** supposed to be?”

Male Customer #1: “Hey! We can have a nap!”

([Male Customer #3] moves towards the bed closest to my hiding spot.)

Male Customer #3: “We should just stay here until another group comes through; there’s no one in here!”

(I lunge out and scream a gravelly voice.)

Me: “That’s how the last group ended up as FERTILIZER, sonny boy!”

(They took one look at me and my axe and ran out of there, shrieking like schoolgirls. They then encountered the twins on the other side of the second archway. This resulted in them screaming even louder, falling off the path into the corn, and scrambling madly to get away.)


This story is part of our Halloween roundup!

Read the next Halloween roundup story!

Read the Halloween roundup!

1 Thumbs
3,502