Sick Of This Request

| Greensboro, NC, USA | Right | March 22, 2016

(I work at a mom-and-pop hardware store where we sell a little bit of everything.)

Me: “Here you go, ma’am. We have all different kinds of rat killer.”

(I show her a few different brands and styles.)

Customer: “Can you show me where y’all’s pneumonia is?”

(I give her a strange look.)

Customer: “Did I not pronounce that correct?”

Me: “Well, ma’am, you did and I can show you pneumonia, but that’s an illness so I don’t think you want that.”

Customer: “Oh, oh! I meant ammonia.”

Unseasonable Unreasonable

| CA, USA | Working | March 11, 2016

(It is May. Tomorrow is predicted to be the first 90+ degree day of the year and I’m trying to get prepared for the heat. I can’t imagine I’m alone in this venture.)

Me: “Excuse me, would you happen to know where the air conditioner filters are?”

Employee: “Well… like… do you have central or window?”

Me: “Window. Like the cut-to-size filters. They’re usually green?”

Employee: “Hmm… they would be in seasonal, but they’re seasonal and I think they’re out of season, so we probably don’t have them in stock this time of year.”

Me: *dumbfounded pause* “Um, okay. Thanks anyway, I guess?”

(They were indeed in the seasonal section, along with other warm weather goods. I’m still not sure what season that employee thinks we’re in right now.)

Karma Was Blowing Something Fierce That Day

| Dallas, TX, USA | Right | February 28, 2016

(In the front of the store is where the registers are located along with the front doors. On the very right side of the building is another set of counters where our Parts and Service department is located. We sell power equipment like blowers, chainsaws, lawnmowers. A man approaches my coworker in the front of the store where the registers are. A customer sets down a “name brand” blower and takes out his wallet.)

Coworker: “I’m sorry, sir, but if you go back over to where you got the blower, the guys over at Parts & Service will put oil and gas in it for you and make sure it works before you leave the store. And the cashier will take your money and get the warranty paperwork started for you.”

(The guy just looks at her and then runs out the front with the blower in hand. My other coworker runs after the guy. The man throws the blower in the back seat and gets into the passenger side of the car. The windows are down so my coworker reaches in and grabs the blower and is about to pull it out of the car when the man grabs his hand and squeezes hard. The other man in the driver’s side backs up and takes off. My coworker is able to pull his arm out of the car before he gets hurt.)

Manager: “Hey! Are you okay?! Don’t ever do anything like that again! I appreciate what you were trying to do, but don’t do that, ever!”

(My manager asks if anyone was able to get the license plate of the car. No one did. Meanwhile my assistant manager is calling the cops who (I’m not joking) are only half a mile down the street. The cops get there and are talking to everyone involved. My manager walks out to where the car was parked. He looks down on the ground and can’t believe what he sees. He walks back in the store, grinning and chuckling.)

Manager: “Officer, I think you’ll find him in no time using this.”

(My manager handed the officer the man’s CREDIT CARD that he had dropped on the ground. About a week later they found the man and also found that he had other warrants out for his arrest. We got our blower back and the man got bit in the a** by karma.)

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Insert Common Sense Here

| ON, Canada | Right | February 19, 2016

(Customers have busy lives, but sometimes their attention span is ridiculous, even for a preoccupied mind.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, you can insert your card.”

Customer: *taps, and then swipes*

Me: “Sorry, you have to insert your card.”

Customer: *taps furiously and keeps swiping*

Me: “Ma’am, you need to insert the chip in our card reader. You can’t swipe.”

Customer: *continues to swipe furiously*

Me: *sensing there is no getting through to her* “Okay, here. I can do it for you. *reaches for her card, but has hand slapped away*

Customer: “Don’t touch my card, you brat!”

(At this point, I had enough.)

Me: “And you, ma’am, don’t have the right to touch me. I’m done serving you. My register is closed. Please go to register six.”


Me: “Sure thing.” *I call the extension* “Hi, [Head Cashier], a customer wants to speak with you.” *I hand the phone to the customer*

Customer: “Yes, this little s*** cashier should be fired. He started yelling at me and tried to grab my card… Yes. Yes, he is… Yes. Yes, that was me… I will not apologize to that little s***… Fine, you too, f*****!” *hangs up*

Customer: *throws her items at me, including a very sharp drywall knife that hits me in the arm and breaks my skin* “I hope you burn in h***!”

Me: “Sure, ma’am. But before that, I’m calling the police on you for assault.”

Customer: “Not if I can help it, f*****!”

(The customer proceeds to run for the door, but is stopped by our 6’7″ loss prevention associate. He holds her until the police arrive, and I press charges. Last update I heard was that she was spending 10 months behind bars. And all because she didn’t pay attention to me when I instructed her to insert her card.)

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| USA | Working | January 30, 2016

(I am looking at ceramic tiles. Having done tiling before, I know I need to cut at least a few of them to fit. I’d previously bought tile at a local, now defunct, tile store that allowed customers to use their tile saw, so I  have inquired whether this store has a tile saw or cutter I can use.)

Employee #1: “No, but here’s what you can do.” *taking me to an obviously well-used tile cutter* “Take this tile cutter to the register and buy it at full price. Use it for three days maximum and you can return it for full credit. It’s like a free rental.”

Me: “But that means I only have three days to do the job.”

Employee #1: “Yes.”

(I was a bit dubious about this, but decided to go ahead. I finished the job late the second day but was too tired to run to the store, so decided to let returning the cutter ride till the third day. Since I knew I had a number of things to do the next day, a Sunday, I phoned the store for store hours.)

Employee #2: “How may I help you?”

Me: “I just need to know your hours.”

Employee #2: “We close at 9 pm.”

Me: “Thank you.”

(So, after taking care of all my chores, it is about 5 pm. Since I’d been told the store was open till 9 pm, I decide to go after dinner. I get to the store about 6:30 pm to find it closed! I walk up to the door and find that the hours for that day Sunday, are actually 8:00 am – 6:00 pm. So, after work Monday, I swing by the store to return the cutter.)

Employee #3: “I’m sorry, we can’t accept this return. It’s a day late.”

Me: “It’s a day late because I was told your store closed at 9:00 pm and was not told it closed early on Sunday.”

(This went back and forth a few times till I insisted on speaking to the store manager. He initially told me the same thing, but I wasn’t hearing it.)

Me: “So you have this peculiar policy that I must BUY an obviously USED tile cutter to do an ESSENTIAL job in tile-laying, and then you’ll accept a return in three days. I’d have been happy just to be able to use the same tile cutter in your store, but that option wasn’t open to me. Had you provided NO way to cut tiles, I wouldn’t have bought them here in the first place. Then, when I phoned in and spoke to a human being, that person didn’t give me the store hours as I requested, but only the closing time for MOST days of the week. Exactly what did I do wrong except to shop here in the first place — an error I could easily correct in the future by shopping at [Competitor]?”

(The manager approved the refund of my purchase of the used tile cutter.)


Dear readers! This story was originally submitted without a title, to encourage you to come up with a witty submission yourselves. After considering the many amazing suggestions in the comments section, we have come up with the title above. Thank you all for participating; we had a blast reading them!

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