(My mom and sister are getting ‘Weed’n’Feed’ for the lawn. They can’t find it at first so they ask an employee.)

Mom: “Where can we find your Weed’n’Feed?”

Female Employee: *condescending* “It’s illegal.”

Mom: *confused* “I just need to know where the Weed’n’Feed is.”

Female Employee: *still condescending* “We don’t sell it here; it’s illegal!”

(They went and looked for it anyways and found a bag of it on their shelf. I guess it’s not illegal enough to stop selling!)

(I’m looking for a second job to help pay the bills, and a big box hardware store is coming to town. I head to the job fair to try my chances. I fill out the application, I wait for a few minutes, and soon I’m escorted into a room for an interview. The interviewer is an old man who looks like he’s had a very long day. He starts going through my application.)

Interviewer: “Says here you went to university. I’m assuming you dropped out after a year or so because it was too hard, and that’s why you’re here.”

Me: “No. I graduated. I’ve got my degree. I just need a second job to help pay bills.”

Interviewer: “Yeah, right.”

(The interview continues like a typical job interview, until it’s my turn to ask questions.)

Me: “So, what kind of benefits do you offer?”

(The interviewer loses it.)

Interviewer: “I’m SICK and TIRED of you yokels in [My Town] asking that! THIS IS [Hardware Store] AND YOU ARE APPLYING FOR A MINIMUM WAGE JOB! What do you want from us? A pension plan? Healthcare? What does your TINY BRAIN expect for benefits?”

Me: “Mostly I was hoping for was an employee discount.”

(The interviewer was taken aback.)

Interviewer: “Oh. I… don’t know about discounts. I’ll find out.”

(He disappeared for about 10 minutes, and came back to tell me they have a 5% employee discount. Didn’t get the job.)

(I work in the hardware department of a large home improvement store. One day a customer asks me to cut a piece of plywood for him to the dimensions of 18X24 inches. I proceed to make the cut and hand the plywood to him, but I hand it to him upside down so it looks 24X18.)

Customer: “Wait, this isn’t right. I wanted it 18X24.”

Me: *I stare at the customer a moment, then just smile* “Oh, I am so sorry about that. I can fix it for you, no problem. May I please have the piece of wood back?”

(The customer smiles back and happily gives me the board. I proceed to rotate it ninety degrees and hand it right back to him. He just stands there and stares at me a moment then laughs and shakes his head.)

Customer: “I feel like an idiot.”

Me: “Eh, don’t worry about it; we all have our days.”

(I am building a new shelving unit, I will have to do the routing, plugging, and sanding myself but I can live with it. I get my wood and am going to get it cut when I find there is a customer who has got to the cutting guy before me. I grumble a bit because this guy has a TON of things to get cut. I take my time and wander the store to find all the other things I need. I go back and am still waiting for him to finish. Finally he’s ready for me when an older lady comes up and speaks to the clerk.)

Lady: “Excuse me, but I need to build a couple shelves. Are you able to cut the MDF?” *medium-density fibreboard*

Clerk: “Well, sure. You’ll probably need a couple brackets for it, though.”

Lady: “Yes, yes, that’s fine.” *to me* “Would you mind? It’s just one cut.”

(I read all these stories and I know about the many “this will only take a moment” stories. I groan internally at another delay but…)

Me: “Sure, go ahead. Help her first if she only needs one thing cut.”

(I follow her and the clerk out of idle curiosity to see what she’s getting. The MDF is in the same dimensions as my pine, but is perfectly smooth with a rounded front edge. If I use that I won’t even have to do the routing, plugging and sanding. And better yet, it’s only 60% the cost of my pine.)

Me: “Ma’am, I am SO glad I let you go first or I wouldn’t have known about this.”

(Sometimes being nice pays off. I’m now looking at my nice new shelving!)

(I am checking out an older lady from my church. She has never struck me as superstitious at all.)

Me: “Okay, that comes to, um, $6.66.”

(Her eyes get wide and she grabs something off the rack at random.)

Customer: “And this keychain!”

Me: “Okay, that’s $8.63.”

Customer: “Much better. Sorry, but I’m going for surgery Monday. I’m not going to risk it.”

(I told my coworker, her nephew, and he cracked up and bought her a rabbit’s foot, just in case.)

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