What Came First, The Chicken Or The Hardware Store?

, , , , | Right | December 9, 2017

Customer: “When did you stop selling fried chicken?”

Me: “Excuse me?” *thinking didn’t hear him correctly*

Customer: “When did you stop selling fried chicken? I know I bought it here.”

Me: “We have never sold fried chicken here; this is a hardware store.”

Customer: “I know, but you use to sell the best fried chicken. I know it’s been a few years, but it was the best.”

Me: “I am sorry, but I have worked here since we opened ten years ago; we have never sold chicken, fried or otherwise.”

Customer: *walks off muttering about how great our chicken was and why we stopped selling it*

Me: *to the manager* “What are we pumping into the air today?”

Thinking They’re Worming Their Way Into A Sale

, , , , | Right | December 1, 2017

(We sell items for fishing and hunting, since most of the people in the village do outdoor activities. A customer walks in.)

Me: “Hi, what can I get you today?”

Customer: “Do you guys have any nightcrawlers?”

(Nightcrawlers are basically large worms, and are used for fishing.)

Me: “Yes, we do. Do you want jumbo or baby crawlers?”

Customer: “I want crawlers smaller than baby crawlers.”

Me: “Sir, that would just be regular worms.”

Customer: “No! I want crawlers, not regular worms.”

Me: “All right…”

(I walk to the back of the store, open the bait fridge, and pull out a box of worms. I take a baby nightcrawler sticker and replace the earthworms sticker with it. I take a marker, cross out “baby” on the sticker, and write “miniature” instead. I walk back and hand them to the customer. He opens the box to inspect them.)

Customer: “What are these?”

Me: “Miniature crawlers, like you wanted.”

(He nods and hands me the money, then walks out. A coworker saw the entire thing.)

Coworker: “Regular worms?”

Me: “Yep.”

Lack Of Direction And Humanity

, , , , , , | Friendly | November 30, 2017

I am taking my four-year-old to the hospital as he has a high fever and seems to be in some respiratory distress. It’s not an ambulance case, but I still don’t want to waste any time. I find that I don’t remember the hospital’s location quite as well as I thought, so I pull into the parking lot of the nearest store, a hardware store, pulling right up to the door to run in and ask for directions. I notice a lady in the passenger seat of a parked car, so close to me that we’re looking at each other, so I decide to ask her.

I don’t tap on the window, but make a tentative gesture toward her, mouthing, “Can I talk to you?” and making a “talk” gesture with my hand. Her expression goes a little colder and she looks back down at whatever she’s reading.

I run into the store and ask the cashier, who gives me directions right away as several customers stare with interest. I run right back out and get in the car again. I wouldn’t have given the lady another thought, but I notice her watching me as I get back into my car, looking smug.

I shout, not looking at her as I close my door, “I wanted directions to the hospital!

Turned out my kid is all right, and everyone is great. Except the lady who was all pleased with herself for not helping a stranger with a sick kid whom she could see through the window.

Not Painting The Prettiest Picture

, , , , , | Right | October 30, 2017

(I am the opening cashier in the store one morning. It has been kind of quiet and I am in a good mood. A customer approaches my register with three cans of paint and visible frustration. We go through the usual schtick and he says:)

Customer: “I just want you to know I’m going to [Paint Store] after this.”

Me: “Oh? Was there something you couldn’t find?”

Customer: “I wanted ten cans of this paint and you only had nine. So, I wanted to tell you that you’ve missed out and I’m taking my business elsewhere.”

(A head cashier has been listening. She gives him an apology as I finish the transaction. The customer leaves. Once he’s gone:)

Me: “I came in here looking for ten cans of paint and you had nine. So, I’ll take three, and then buy the other seven at a more expensive place. It doesn’t make sense, but I’m frustrated and therefore someone has to suffer. Joke’s on me, though, cause it’ll be me who suffers.”

(The head cashier and I shared a quick laugh. I get being upset that you couldn’t get everything you wanted, but why screw yourself over like that?)

You Need To Take A Mandatory Break-ing Bad

, , , , , , | Working | September 29, 2017

(My coworkers and I, both teenagers, are finishing up our shift. Our manager notices two empty plastic baggies on the counter.)

Manager: “Anyone know what these baggies are for?”

Coworker: “Meth, probably.”

Manager: “Where’d it all go?”

Me: “We smoked it.”

Manager: “And you didn’t share it with me?!”

Coworker and Me: “Nah.”

Manager: “A**holes. Don’t you know that sharing is caring?”

(We all went back to work.)

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