Tales From The Stupid Dimension

| Bullhead City, AZ, USA | Right | February 5, 2017

(I work in the hardware department of a large home improvement store. One day a customer asks me to cut a piece of plywood for him to the dimensions of 18X24 inches. I proceed to make the cut and hand the plywood to him, but I hand it to him upside down so it looks 24X18.)

Customer: “Wait, this isn’t right. I wanted it 18X24.”

Me: *I stare at the customer a moment, then just smile* “Oh, I am so sorry about that. I can fix it for you, no problem. May I please have the piece of wood back?”

(The customer smiles back and happily gives me the board. I proceed to rotate it ninety degrees and hand it right back to him. He just stands there and stares at me a moment then laughs and shakes his head.)

Customer: “I feel like an idiot.”

Me: “Eh, don’t worry about it; we all have our days.”

Shelved Your Original Plans

| OK, USA | Right | January 31, 2017

(I am building a new shelving unit, I will have to do the routing, plugging, and sanding myself but I can live with it. I get my wood and am going to get it cut when I find there is a customer who has got to the cutting guy before me. I grumble a bit because this guy has a TON of things to get cut. I take my time and wander the store to find all the other things I need. I go back and am still waiting for him to finish. Finally he’s ready for me when an older lady comes up and speaks to the clerk.)

Lady: “Excuse me, but I need to build a couple shelves. Are you able to cut the MDF?” *medium-density fibreboard*

Clerk: “Well, sure. You’ll probably need a couple brackets for it, though.”

Lady: “Yes, yes, that’s fine.” *to me* “Would you mind? It’s just one cut.”

(I read all these stories and I know about the many “this will only take a moment” stories. I groan internally at another delay but…)

Me: “Sure, go ahead. Help her first if she only needs one thing cut.”

(I follow her and the clerk out of idle curiosity to see what she’s getting. The MDF is in the same dimensions as my pine, but is perfectly smooth with a rounded front edge. If I use that I won’t even have to do the routing, plugging and sanding. And better yet, it’s only 60% the cost of my pine.)

Me: “Ma’am, I am SO glad I let you go first or I wouldn’t have known about this.”

(Sometimes being nice pays off. I’m now looking at my nice new shelving!)

The Devil’s Pay Book

| USA | Right | January 21, 2017

(I was checking out an older lady from my church. She never struck me as superstitious at all.)

Me: “Okay that comes to, um, $6.66.”

(Her eyes got wide and she grabbed something off the rack at random.)

Customer: “And this keychain!”

Me: “Okay, that’s $8.63.”

Customer: “Much better. Sorry, but I’m going for surgery Monday. I’m not going to risk it.”

(I told my coworker, her nephew, and he cracked up and bought her a rabbit’s foot, just in case.)

That Sale Tanked

| PA, USA | Working | December 29, 2016

(I go to purchase a full propane tank. Note that all the propane tanks are outside the store with the price for an exchange and for a full tank prominently displayed.)

Cashier: “Hi, can I help you?”

Me: “Yes, I’d like to purchase a tank of propane.”

Cashier: “Where is your used propane tank?”

Me: “I don’t want to exchange a tank. I want to purchase a full tank.”

Cashier: “You have to have an empty tank to exchange for a full tank.”

Me: “But I don’t have an exchange; I want to purchase a full tank.”

Cashier: “Then you have to go to Aisle D, get a brand new empty tank, bring it back here, purchase it, then exchange it for a full tank.”

Me: “But that doesn’t make any sense. The sign outside has the price for an exchange and for a full tank. Why can’t I just purchase a full tank?”

Cashier: “Because you can’t. You have to do an exchange.”

Me: “Then I guess I will shop elsewhere.”

(Next time I shopped there I mentioned it to another cashier who said all they have to do is scan the UPC code in the cashiers’ book. Sigh.)

The Power Of “Believe”

| UK | Right | November 24, 2016

(I work in a hardware store where items are ordered from a catalogue, paid for, and then received at the counter. You have to ask to see the items before purchase; because of this we deal mostly with tradesmen. Because I look very young for my age (I’m often mistaken for 15 or 16 whereas I’m actually 24) people often don’t believe me when I give them information. Mostly they think I’m a new starter and ask to speak to one of my male colleagues, who then defer to me as I’m actually the senior service assistant at my store. This means I’m often going and getting the items to get them out of their packaging to prove that the dimensions or whatever other information they’re looking for.)

Me: “Hi, sorry for the wait; how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like to return this strainer waste. I’m actually looking for just the strainer, but this isn’t the right size. I know you have another in the book in a different make. Do you know if it’s bigger?”

Me: *getting the program up to find the item in the warehouse* “I’m afraid they’re the same size. I’ve compared them before.”

Customer: “No, that’s fine. Just the refund, then.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll just find it… Wait, you believed me?”

Customer: “Yep.”

Me: “But no one believes me.”

Customer: “But why would you lie?”

Me: “I know, right?”

(I process the refund, and at the end we’re supposed to bid farewell with some variation of “thank you, goodbye”)

Me: “Thank you for believing me! Bye bye!”

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