The Lawnmower Man

, | Manassas, VA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Home Improvement

(I am working at the store and witness a coworker have this exchange with an older male customer.)

Customer: “I want to return this lawnmower. It doesn’t work.”

Coworker: “What seems to be the problem with it?”

Customer: “I told you: it doesn’t work. It did when I first bought it and then it stopped. It’s a lemon.”

Coworker: “Okay, well, we would typically attempt to get it repaired even if you return in so that we can still try and resell it. Is there anything specific about it not working that you can tell me?”

Customer: “No! It’s just a piece-of-s*** machine which is all this company seems to sell anymore! I want to return it for cash and take my business elsewhere!”

Coworker: “Sir, I appreciate that you’re upset but you need to mind your language. I will do my best to help you but you will need to calm down. Now, I have to ask a few basic questions in order to determine whether this machine really is defective. Did you use new gas when you filled the gas tank?”

Customer: *still irritated but calmer* “Yes, yes, of course I did. I’ve been using lawnmowers longer than you’ve been alive. I know how they work!”

Coworker: “And you used the proper weight and amount of oil as well?”

Customer: “What? I’ve never heard of putting oil in a lawnmower before! You don’t know what you’re talking about. Why would a lawnmower need oil?!”

Coworker: “Because it’s an internal combustion engine just like the one in your vehicle it just happens to be a smaller version.”

Customer: “That’s bulls***! Just refund my money so I can take my business somewhere with intelligent employees and decent products!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, sir, but every person who’s ever run a lawnmower knows that they require oil as well as gas and because you ran it without oil, you destroyed the engine. You invalidated the warranty by neglecting basic maintenance.”

Customer: “This is such bulls***! None of you are worth your pay! You’re all idiots! I’m going to [Competitor] and never shopping here again!”

Unable To Saw Through That Attitude

| New Brunswick, NJ, USA | Bizarre, Home Improvement

Customer: *holding two saws* “What’s better, [Brand #1] or [Brand #2] saws?”

Employee: “What are you looking to cut?”

Customer: *suddenly angry* “None of your f***ing business, bro! Just tell me which saw is better?”

Employee: “Well, [Brand #1] is a wood saw, and [Brand #2] is a hacksaw, so which is better depends on what you’re trying to cut.”

Customer: “Didn’t I just tell you to mind your own business?” *to me* “Can you believe the people that work here? Which if these looks better to do?”

Me: “[Brand #1] looks like a hacksaw and [Brand #2] looks like a wood saw.”

Customer: “Okay, f*** this. I’m going to [Other Hardware Store] and buying a chainsaw.”

Employee: “The wood saw’s probably better, then.”

Customer: *suddenly friendly* “So [Brand #2]? Okay, then! Thanks for your help!”

Weighed Down By Your Thumbs Up

| KY, USA | Crazy Requests, Transportation

Customer: “Do ya’ll sell concrete?”

Me: “Yes, it’s in aisle 32 on the left, about 1/4 of the way down.”

Customer: “I need 80 bags.”

Me: “80 bags of 50lb bags, or 80lb bags?”

Customer: “80 bags, please.”

(I tell him to take the item number to the cashier, and I’d bring it out on the forklift as soon as it’s paid for.)

Me: “Sir, what are you driving?”

Customer: “That little red truck.”

Me: “Uhm… sir, that’ll crush your truck.”

Customer: “No, it won’t. I’ve hauled 150 bags with this truck.”

Me: “Sir, that’s 6400 pounds in the bed of a truck.”

Customer: “Just load it. I’m in a hurry.”

Me: “Sir, I’m going to call our manager and ask him about it.”

(The manager comes and I explain.)

Manager: “Sir, that’ll smash that little truck, but we can load it. All I need you to do is look at the camera and give a thumbs up?”

Customer: “Why?”

Manager: “So when we crush your truck, we won’t be held responsible since you didn’t listen to our advice.”

(The customer gives a thumbs up, and I load the truck. It doesn’t smash the truck. With a smug look, the customer goes to drive away, until the rear end falls out from under the truck.)

Customer: “What the h***?! You’re going to replace the truck!”

Manager: “You gave consent, and the video camera you gave a thumbs up to also records audio.”

Me: *still laughing* “Told you.”