(I work at a hardware store. Our schedule comes out every Friday, and I take a picture of it every week with my phone so that I can transfer it to my calendar. Today, my shift starts at 9:00 am, and I arrive at 8:55. The manager, who is fairly new and hasn’t really gotten along well with me in the four or so months she’s been there, is waiting for me.)

Manager: “You’re late, you know.”

Me: “What? I thought my shift began at 9:00 am!”

Manager: “Well, I changed it because I needed you in at 8:00 am today.”

Me: “And you didn’t tell me about this? With all due respect, there is no way I could have known that I was going to be asked to start earlier.”

Manager: “Enough. Office, now.”

(She escorts me to the office.)

Manager: “Okay, listen. You’ve had a lot of issues with your attitude lately, and with this stunt of showing up late, you essentially dug your own grave. You’ve left me no choice but to let you go.”

Me: “You can’t fire me! I had no way of knowing that you’d change my schedule!”

Manager: “Well, it’s not my responsibility to communicate schedule changes. I’m not going to baby everyone here because they’re too lazy to check their own schedules. Turn in your nametag and your apron at the service desk, and then get out of the store. You are not welcome here anymore.”

(I reluctantly turned in my uniform, got in my car, and drove home. But I wasn’t going to give up that easily. I immediately contacted the company’s HR, explained to them what happened, and emailed them a picture of the schedule that I had taken. They told me that there was not much they could do, but they’d pass it on, anyway. A week later, I got a call back from one of the company’s higher-ups. As it turns out, an investigation had been launched against my store’s manager. They found out she had been singling out people she didn’t like, myself included, and changing their schedules at the last second to essentially give herself an excuse to discipline them. She had already succeeded in firing four other people this way before she fired me. But it was my decision to stand up after my firing and take it to HR that kickstarted the investigation that exposed the manager’s scheme. She was fired, and every disciplinary action she had unfairly issued was quashed. The employees who were wrongfully fired, myself included, were all reinstated and compensated.)

(I’m the supervisor on a late shift when I’m called over by a new staff member. The customer in question has, in the past, tried to make out my staff to be liars, which is when I started giving the cold shoulder.)

Customer: “I’m not happy with [Company]’s service!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. May I ask a bit more about your problem?”

Customer: “I wanted an electric towel radiator! I’ve been to this store twice and to [Other Nearby Store] and I keep getting ones for central heating.”

(I grab a catalogue and flick to the page.)

Me: “Ma’am, these are our complete electric radiator kits; however, any towel radiator can be installed with a heating element and filled with either water or oil.”

Customer: “No one told me that! I’ve called my plumber three times and it’s cost me so much!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m not authorised to reimburse you for such things; I would suggest complaining to your plumber for not advising you about the heating elements.” *to colleague* “Has she been refunded?”

Colleague: “Yes.”

Customer: “Humph! Do not expect me back!”

Me: *after she’s gone* “With the amount this company makes, we can afford to lose one customer with no idea what she wants.”

(I am shopping at a national hardware chain. I am wearing a red and black windbreaker because of the weather. As I walk around the aisles looking for what I need, I eventually notice an elderly gentleman obviously following me around. I stop and look at him.)

Old Customer: “I was wondering where the knee pad thingies were, but not the ones you wear.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I don’t work here; I’m shopping.”

Old Customer: “You know, the rubber pad things?”

Me: “I don’t work here…”

Old Customer: “…not the ones you wear.”

(It dawns on me that I am wearing similar colors to the store uniforms, so I just go with it.)

Me: “I think you might want to look in the gardening section a couple of aisles over.”

(As I am checking out, he comes up to the register with the pad in hand.)

Old Customer: “Thanks, found it in the garden section.”

(I still don’t know if he figured out I didn’t work there.)

Related:
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 33
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 32
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 31

(England has started charging for carrier bags. Occasionally, people moan, but this one takes the cake.)

Customer: “You should take a leaf from [Supermarket]; they have upgraded their bags!”

Me: *deadpan* “Actually, sir, by marketing their bags as ‘for life,’ they can keep the proceeds. Proceeds from single-use bags have to go to charity under the same law that mandates the charge.”

(I conclude by teaching him about our charity foundation, which receives the charge minus tax.)

Me: “We’re introducing a new design soon with the foundation being noted on the bag, but since [Company] seeks to be environmentally conscious, we’re not throwing the old ones away.”

(The customer is rather stunned by that, and leaves looking a little sheepish.)

Colleague: “Where’d you get that information?”

Me: “Have I Got News For You. They mentioned it when talking about the bag charge.”

(I’m ringing up a couple when the husband goes back into the aisles to grab something else. Meanwhile, a lady walks up behind them to get rung up. I ask the wife who stayed at the register if I can postpone her transaction to ring up the lady behind her, and she says sure. I ring the lady waiting behind them, and then the husband comes back. I total the order and process the store credit, which requires me to see a license. I scan the license, and the store credit is not registered under the husband’s name. The store credit gets temporarily inactivated due to a system glitch.)

Me: “Did you retrieve this credit with your own license?”

Husband: “I don’t know. Probably.”

Me: “Your name did not match—“

Husband: “I just saw my name pop up.”

Me: “That was for the other store cred—“

Husband: “Get me a manager.”

(The manager comes and messes around with the register.)

Wife: “This is all because she couldn’t wait two minutes for my husband to come back.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, but there are other people in this store.”

Wife: “She was waiting patiently.”

Me: “Ma’am, I apologize, but I did ask you if I could take the next person, and you said yes.”

Wife: “What did you expect me to say, no?”

Me: “That is why I asked.”