Dealt With That Ultra Smoothly

, , , , , | Right | February 22, 2018

(We’re a trade-oriented store, so we do not sell many paints. What we do, I’ve come to learn rather well.)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you sell [Masonry Paint Brand]?”

Me: “We sure do; in fact, there’s a stack on display on the shop floor with all the SKUs we have.”

(I lead him to it, and show him the ones we have.)

Customer: “I don’t want ‘ultra smooth,’ I want ‘smooth.'”

Me: “We don’t have one labelled ‘smooth,’ just ‘ultra smooth’ and ‘fine textured,’ which effectively has sand mixed into it.”

Customer: “I need ‘smooth.’ ‘Ultra smooth’ is too thin!”

Me: “Sir! I am telling you that we do not carry a [Brand] marked as ‘smooth,’ just ‘ultra smooth’ or ‘fine textured.'”

(This goes back and forth four more times, with me showing on our website. He goes off to our competitor, and I go and get a drink, when I realise something. About ten minutes later, he comes back.)

Customer: “Your competitor is not only clueless, but he is demanding much more for the same thing. It’s not what I want, but I’ll take the ‘ultra smooth’ in white.”

Me: “Sir, I’ve been thinking about it, and if you want something to last, thinner paint can ultimately prove better.”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “The problem with thicker paint is that air bubbles can be trapped inside it. If it dries with these bubbles in, you get a weaker finish structurally than a solid mass, just like with plaster inside your home.”

Customer: “You are a clever girl!”

(He was much happier about the “ultra smooth” after that.)

Where There’s Smoke Alarms…

, , , , | Right | February 16, 2018

(I work in a hardware store. A customer comes in.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “I want to return this smoke alarm.”

Me: “Okay. Can I pull up your details?”

(He did indeed buy items on the day in question, but not a smoke alarm.)

Me: “Sir, the smoke alarm doesn’t match anything on your receipt I pulled up.”

Customer: “Well, I bought it here!”

Me: “Let me try something else, then.”

(I set a portable scanner to check barcodes. It comes up with an error saying the barcode isn’t in our database.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We do not carry this item. It’s not in our database, and we use this across the entire chain.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I’m telling you I bought this here at [Store] yesterday! It’s in mint condition! You have an agreement on your receipts that I have thirty days to change my mind!”

Me: “Sir, sorry, but is now a bad time to point out that the bag you pulled the smoke alarm from has [Competitor] written on it?”

(The customer blanches and looks at it.)

Me: *pointing in direction of [Competitor]* “Two doors down; you can’t miss it.”

(The customer grabbed the smoke alarm and was off like a shot.)

Taking Stock Of Your Actions

, , , , , , , | Working | January 31, 2018

(A customer has just called to check the quantity on a product. The register says we have one, so I go to double-check. There is a customer standing right by where they should be.)

Customer: “Hey, do you have [odd piece] mechanic’s tool set?”

(It is the same set the person on the phone wants.)

Me: “We should… Ah, yes, right here.”

Customer: “Thank you so much! I was looking everywhere for this! I have to find one more thing. Where can I pay?”

Me: “Up front at the register. I’ll hold this for you up there while you shop around.”

Customer: “Thank you so much!”

(I return to the phone.)

Me: *to customer on phone* “Hello, sir? I’m sorry, but we don’t have anymore in stock.”

Customer: “That’s really weird. Your website says you have one.”

Me: “I’m sure it’s just an inventory miscalculation. If you hit refresh a couple of times, it usually gives the correct quantity. The website’s weird.”

Customer: “Okay, I guess. Thanks.”

Me: “Have a nice day!”

(I hang up as customer wanting the tool set in store comes up to the register.)

Customer: “Found it. Thanks for holding this for me.”

Me: “No problem. That’ll be [total].”

(I ring up the customer and they walk happily out with both of their items.)

Coworker: “Wait a minute. Didn’t the guy on the phone want that tool set?”

Me: “Yep.”

Coworker: “Did you just…?”

Me: “Nooo… No. No… Yes.”

Beware: Contractors Afoot

, , , | Right | January 7, 2018

Customer: “I need something to fill in between metal and concrete.”

Me: “Silicone adhesive or concrete adhesive in caulking tubes?”

Customer: “No, no, no.”

Coworker: “Sounds like you need some type of mortar?”

Customer: “No. That’s not it. I KNOW! I DO THIS FOR A LIVING!”

Coworker: *quietly to me* “If he does this for a living, than he should probably know what he needs.”

Customer: *to Boss* “Those guys don’t know ANYTHING!”

Boss: “Um… yes… Yes, they do.”

Customer: “Okay. I’ll just take these.”

(“These” being what I had recommended to the “Professional” in the first place.)

Not Getting Any Lumber Support

, , , , | Right | December 14, 2017

(I work in the garden department of the store. I also have the new portable phones that every department has.)

Me: “This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, do you have 16″ by 16″ pads?”

(I hate this question about concrete pads; they are for housing peers and trailer homes. When we get transferred a call from customer service they have to use their best judgement on which department to send it to, which is not outside garden.)

Me: “No, sir, that is in lumber.”

Customer: “I know you have them. You also have the landscape timbers, so the concrete pads are with them. How long have you been working here?”

Me: “A month.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s why you don’t know; get me someone who does know.”

(By this point, I am a little annoyed because I’ve had this question quite often in the month I have been here; the answer is always lumber. To make him happy, though, I ask two of my coworkers; they say concrete pads are in lumber. He still insists that they are in our department, but I tell him to hold while I get a price on them. The store recently got new phones, so I can’t transfer; I walk all the way down to lumber, and then I tell him the price.)

Customer: “Oh, so, they were down there the whole time.”

Me: *face palm*

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