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Insert Common Sense Here

| ON, Canada | Popular, Technology, Wild & Unruly

(Customers have busy lives, but sometimes their attention span is ridiculous, even for a preoccupied mind.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, you can insert your card.”

Customer: *taps, and then swipes*

Me: “Sorry, you have to insert your card.”

Customer: *taps furiously and keeps swiping*

Me: “Ma’am, you need to insert the chip in our card reader. You can’t swipe.”

Customer: *continues to swipe furiously*

Me: *sensing there is no getting through to her* “Okay, here. I can do it for you. *reaches for her card, but has hand slapped away*

Customer: “Don’t touch my card, you brat!”

(At this point, I had enough.)

Me: “And you, ma’am, don’t have the right to touch me. I’m done serving you. My register is closed. Please go to register six.”

Customer: “LET ME SPEAK WITH YOUR MANAGER! I HAVE NEVER FELT SO DISRESPECTED IN MY LIFE!”

Me: “Sure thing.” *I call the extension* “Hi, [Head Cashier], a customer wants to speak with you.” *I hand the phone to the customer*

Customer: “Yes, this little s*** cashier should be fired. He started yelling at me and tried to grab my card… Yes. Yes, he is… Yes. Yes, that was me… I will not apologize to that little s***… Fine, you too, f*****!” *hangs up*

Customer: *throws her items at me, including a very sharp drywall knife that hits me in the arm and breaks my skin* “I hope you burn in h***!”

Me: “Sure, ma’am. But before that, I’m calling the police on you for assault.”

Customer: “Not if I can help it, f*****!”

(The customer proceeds to run for the door, but is stopped by our 6’7″ loss prevention associate. He holds her until the police arrive, and I press charges. Last update I heard was that she was spending 10 months behind bars. And all because she didn’t pay attention to me when I instructed her to insert her card.)

A Poor Reason To Hate Christmas

| Foley, AL, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

Customer: “God, I can’t believe you have Halloween and Christmas out already! It’s only late September! Surely, people aren’t buying for those already, are they?”

Me: “Oh, you’d be surprised, ma’am.”

Customer: “Well, it’s ridiculous. I don’t know why they do.”

Me: “Well, it’s actually a good idea. See, decorating for Halloween and Christmas can be expensive. If we get the stuff out early, people who don’t have money to buy all that at once can buy a little at a time, and by Christmas, they’ll have a good amount of stuff.”

Customer: “Well, if they have to do that, then poor people shouldn’t bother celebrating Christmas!”

A Different Kind Of Stoned

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(As I walk past the restrooms heading back to the manager’s office, a man comes out of the men’s room.)

Customer: “I finally did! I finally passed that son of a gun!”

(The man holds up a wad of toilet paper… with a KIDNEY STONE on it.)

Me: “Oh, God.” *and I quickly duck into the office!*