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Independent From The Closing Times

| Daphne, AL, USA | Crazy Requests, Holidays

Me: “How may I direct your call?”

Customer: “Yeah, are you guys closing early for Independence Day?”

Me: “We are. We close at eight.”

Customer: “But I don’t know if I can get there in time, and I really need something!”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, but we close at eight.”

Customer: “But you can stay open for me, right? I spend thousands of dollars there! It’s not like you’re all going to do anything after eight anyway!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, sir, but I still can’t let you in if you get here after the store is closed. No one can.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous. And you can’t make any exceptions?”

Me: “Not unless you’re Johnny Depp.”

Customer: “D****it!”

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So Closed But So Far, Part 2

| OR, USA | Crazy Requests

(Our store closes at 8:00; it is currently 8:05 and the last few customers are at the check-out while the employees get everything ready to close up. I’m out front cleaning up my area when a man approaches.)

Man: “Hey, are you guys closed?”

Me: “Yep, we closed a few minutes ago. Sorry.”

Man: “But I can still shop, right?”

Related:
So Closed But So Far

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Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 6

| CA, USA | Home Improvement, Liars & Scammers, Popular

(I’m the ‘new guy’ on my shift. I’ve spent about 45-50 minutes sorting out a long, complicated lighting setup for a customer, retrofitting his house to use ‘can’ lights with LED inserts. The total is going to be pretty high, admittedly, well over two grand. Through the entire transaction he’s been polite, and we’ve been trading jokes. At the end when I ask if there is anything else I can do, while standing next to the mountain of merchandise, he turns to me and this occurs.)

Customer: “So! I get a discount on this. Make it happen.”

Me: “I’m… sorry?”

Customer: “You need to give me a discount on this. I’m buying a lot. I get a discount.”

(Some items ARE discounted by quantity but not a lot of the stuff he is getting.)

Me: “I’m actually not authorized to give anyone-”

Customer: *suddenly getting irate* “Dammit, this is a LOT of merchandise! I need a discount! My electrician gets a discount when he comes here all the time, so I’m getting one, too! Give me my discount!”

(Flustered, I tell them I’ll talk to my department head as I’m pretty sure I have NO authorization to issue discounts. He’s up on a ladder and looks down at the gentlemen in front of their mountain of merchandise.)

Department Head: “Oh, YOU!”

Customer: *bolts like frightened bunny rabbits, tipping over two carts full of merchandise and scattering it everywhere*

Me: “What the h*** was that?”

Department Head: “Oh, he tries that on all the new guys. We won’t sell to him because he’s a scammer. You just had your baptism.”

Related:
Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 5
Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 4
Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability ToDiscount, Part 3

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When Your Customer Is A Very Heavy Smoker

| Boston, MA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

Customer: *on phone* “Hi, do you have smoke bombs to get rid of animals indoors?”

Me: “Yes, we do carry smoke bombs, but the only ones we have are for outside; you light the bomb and put it in the burrow or the hole the animal’s living in and the smoke drives them out.”

Customer: “Why wouldn’t that work indoors?”

Me: “They’re really not designed to be set off anywhere but outside…”

Customer: “But I just need to get rid of some animals in a little crevice in my house. I could use those smoke bombs for that, right?”

Me: “I really would not advise that.”

Customer: “But why not, though? Can you tell me why it wouldn’t work?”

Me: “Um… let me put my manager on the phone.”

(I put the customer on hold and call my manager over to get him to pick up the phone to help the customer.)

Manager: “What’s up?”

Me: “Would you care to explain to someone why they cannot set off outdoor smoke bombs inside their house?”

Manager: “Oh, you can set smoke bombs off in your house no problem. Just as long as you don’t mind being asphyxiated from the fumes a few minutes later.”

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A Very Cold Comment

| IN, USA | Health & Body, Popular, Rude & Risque

(I have been working at a popular hardware store for about a year now. I’ve been loving it so far, especially when we have the garden center open. I always opt to be the cashier outside, since it’s usually much more lively out there and less stuffy than inside. In the winter, the garden associates have built a small shack around the register, which makes the cold bearable. With the start of a new year, and having already had some pleasantly warm days, the shack is taken down. However, just recently we’ve been hit by a cold snap. Even huddling next to my meager heater, I’m losing feeling in my fingers and toes, and constant wind gusts make it impossible to retain any sort of heat from the heater. Nevertheless, I’m doing all that I can to cheerfully help customers.)

Me: *teeth chattering* “Hi there! You guys set to check out?”

Husband: *with wife in tow* “Sure are; it’s freezing out here! I hope they’re paying you extra.”

Me: *laughing* “Oh, I wish, but I’m actually happy with being out here. Even if cold, the air is fresh, and I don’t get to hear the same songs over and over.”

Husband: “Ha ha! Well, they should pay you more anyway. You have to be half frozen by now!”

(Before I can jokingly interject, the wife speaks up.)

Wife: “Oh, I’m sure she’s fine. She’s young, she’s got a big coat on, her own heater, plus she’s not small like our daughter. More insulated.”

(The husband’s mouth snaps shut. My joke vanishes, and I’m not sure what to say. I am just slightly overweight, and have long struggled with my weight, but I am by no means fat. I do have wide shoulders, being an active swimmer, which gives me an odd body shape, so I figure that’s why she made such an assumption. I usually brush off these comments, but nevertheless this one certainly dampened my spirit. I continue ringing them out in meek silence, while the wife keeps going, unaware that she is basically insulting me.)

Wife: “In the arctic, those seals get by just fine because of blubber. The cold can’t get to them. It’s a great insulator. They don’t even need a heater.”

(I finish ringing up their items, and the husband proceeds to pay. He mouths ‘I’m so sorry,’ and I smile meekly.)

Me: *handing him the receipt* “H-have a good one.”

Husband: “You, too… Sorry. Try to stay warm.”

Wife: “Oh, she’ll be f—”

(The husband grabbed her around the shoulders and started marching away.)

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