A customer buys five tubes of caulk and a caulking gun. A few days later he’s back.
Customer: “I’d like to return these.”
He is returning two tubes of unopened caulk… and a caulking gun. He must not have recognized me from the earlier purchase as he seemed confused when I commented:
Me: “Huh, you must have found your old caulking gun at home…”
We have a new manager who gladly does not suffer fools, both with his coworkers and especially with the customers. Since we’re a hardware store and sell power tools that can be pretty dangerous, we try to make sure some customers know what they’re purchasing.
We have this one customer who is that terrible combination of both rude and stupid. The first time my manager had to deal with him, he tried telling me about the experience.
Manager: “I think I just met the stupidest customer on the planet.”
Me: “Can you describe him?”
Manager: “Tried buying a circular saw. Looks like he knows which crayon tastes best.”
Yup, I knew exactly who he meant. This crazy customer has suffered multiple self-inflicted injuries due to his inability to follow instructions for the power tools, so now we have a moral obligation to ask what he’s buying it for whenever he comes back.
Customer: “Where are your chainsaws?”
Manager: “Dare I ask, what are you going to be using it for?”
Customer: “Why is that any of your business? You guys always give me a hard time! Y’all are lucky you’re the only hardware store around!”
Manager: “I just want to know what it’ll be used for so I can advise the best one for you.”
Customer: “I’m going all out on Halloween and I wanna be Leatherface from Texas Chainsaw Massacre! I bet ya didn’t expect that, did ya?!”
Manager: “No, sir, you continue to meet my expectations…”
He did not sell him the chainsaw.
A customer walks up to me wearing what looks like a hastily-home-made eye patch.
Customer: “Do you sell safety goggles?”
Me: “Uh… yes, sir. Let me show you.”
Customer: “Good! I could have used one of these this morning!”
I smile, not knowing if he’s joking or not.
Customer: “Also, do you sell nail guns?”
Me: “Yes. Would you also like some safety gloves?”
Customer: “What for?”
Related:
This Cannot End Well, Part 5
This Cannot End Well, Part 4
This Cannot End Well, Part 3
This Cannot End Well, Part 2
This Cannot End Well
CONTENT WARNING: Eating Disorders, Body Shaming
When I first started working at my hardware store, everyone told me to be wary of a lady who drives around on one of the mobility carts. They warned me that she had a temper and just was all around not very pleasant.
I was still pretty new to the paint department, and they called guest assistance to the desk. I went on my merry way to help whoever, and as I walked up, this lady looked at me and said with a straight face:
Customer: “You know, you really shouldn’t wear jeans like that!”
I glanced down at my pants to see if I had spilled paint or something on them, but they were just my normal jeans. I couldn’t find anything wrong with them.
Me: “Um… what’s wrong with my jeans?”
She had the AUDACITY to say:
Customer: “You shouldn’t wear jeans that small because it makes us fat people feel bad about ourselves!”
I am so sorry, ma’am, that I had an eating disorder for three years of my life where I refused to let myself get over a hundred pounds because I thought that would mean I’d be “fat”. I tended to avoid her after that because I always felt she would have some comment about my weight.
It is Thursday night, and a customer approaches me at a sales desk.
Customer: “Hi. I was looking at your [Brand] range of kitchens, and I think I know which one I want.”
Me: “That’s great, ma’am! Let’s go over what you need and—”
Customer: “I need the old kitchen ripped out and yours put in. I need the center island with your marble countertop, but I want the sink and plumbing put in as my current island doesn’t have that. I want that nice big double fridge, and the built-in ovens, and—”
Me: “Ma’am, I am sorry to interrupt, but I need to take the time to write this all down. We’ll also need to send someone out to do measurements before we can—”
Customer: “Oh, they can do all the measuring when they come to install. They can follow me home; I’m parked right outside.”
Me: “Ma’am, I don’t have anyone free to come and take measurements, and only measurements, until Tuesday.”
Customer: “Well, that’s no good! I need the kitchen to be fully installed by Sunday!”
Me: “Ma’am, that is absolutely impossible. The marble you’ve asked for alone will take a few months to be cut and shipped from Italy.”
Customer: “But I saw it on HGTV, and they put the kitchen in over a weekend!”
