I’m working in a hardware store in Germany. A lady approaches me and speaks with a French accent.

French Lady: “Excuse me. Could I ask you something?”

Me: “Yes, how can I help you?”

French Lady: “I was wondering if I could also use this wallpaper here to paper a French room?”

Me: “Excuse me, but what is a French room?”

French Lady: “Well, a room in France!”

She’s looking at me like I am the dumba** here.

I go silent for a second. I think about telling her that this wallpaper is a German one, so it is only applicable in Germany, but I discard this idea.

Me: “Yes, you can use it.” *Quickly walks away*

I’m a woman. I used to work in the flooring department of a well-known hardware store. I had a guy that I was helping with tiles.

Me: “You will need to use [adhesive product] so your flooring will properly adhere to the underlayment.”

Customer: “No, you’re wrong!”

He just kept telling me I was wrong. Finally:

Customer: “I’ll just come back later when your manager is back from lunch.”

My manager is a man.

Then, the customer grabbed an employee from a different department to ask him the questions he had been asking me.

Coworker: “I’m not familiar with flooring. Let me grab the flooring associate.”

And he led the customer right back to me. I had never seen a grown man look so embarrassed and get out of an area so quickly.

Customer: “Why don’t you have any yardsticks longer than three feet?”

Me: “Uh… sorry?”

Customer: “Your yardsticks! None of them are longer than three feet!”

Me: “That’s because they’re yardsticks. A yard is three feet.”

Customer: “Well, I need a yardstick longer than three feet!”

Me: “We don’t carry those, sir.”

Customer: “Well, where can I get one?”

Me: “They’re not available, sir.”

Customer: “Is this because of those Democrats? Wanting us to all go metric?”

Me: “Uh… sure?”

Customer: “I knew it! G**d*** liberal Democrats!”

He stormed off, muttering about yards and communists.

Years ago, I worked at one of the first big box hardware stores. I worked at the service desk for a while and saw all sorts of crazy people.

One time, a guy was trying to make a return, and the front-end manager just kept telling him no. This made him unhappy, so he picked up one of the plastic signs sitting on the counter and clocked her in the head with it.

Then, he ran off. The lumber department supervisor just happened to be in the front end and tackled him at the doorway. Dave was a big guy. I’m sure this customer regretted his actions.

My wife and I are shopping for a few things in a hardware store chain, and I show my wife a display “shop magnet”. Basically, it’s a strong magnet on a broom pole for picking up metal filings, small screws, and things like that. I leave her playing with it while I go to grab what we need.

When I come back to the aisle, I find my wife with one of the shop magnets and a box of 100 small nails.

Wife: “Look! This is going to make an awesome birthday present for [Four-Year-Old Nephew]!”

Me: “You know, I think I get why your brothers and sisters won’t let you babysit your nieces and nephews.”

And no, we did not get the boy a magnet and a box of 100 small nails for his fourth birthday.