(I approach a lady looking at a particular paint being advertised as good for faux painting techniques.)
Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”
Customer: “Yeah, does this paint come with the stripes in it?”
Me: “Um… you mean, if you paint the wall with that paint, will stripes magically appear?”
Customer: “Yes.”
Me: *stifling laughter* “No.”
Customer: “Look! My friend told me I could get this type of hammer at your store! Now go get it for me!”
Cashier: “Sir, I already told you… We don’t have ANY hammers back here that aren’t already stocked on the shelves.”
Customer: “LOOK HERE. F**K YOU! I KNOW YOU’RE TRYING TO SAVE MONEY BY SWITCHING OUT YOUR STOCKS! GET ME THIS HAMMER!”
(At this point, I come to the front of the store, overhearing what’s going on; note that I’m the manager.)
Me: “Is there a problem?”
Customer: “Yes, sir! Your employee here is not doing what I tell her to!”
Me: “Well, you need to calm down and understand that we don’t have what you’re looking for. So maybe you should go back to shelves and check–”
Customer: “F**K THAT! IT’S NOT THERE, OKAY?! YOU NEED TO F**KING GET ME WHAT I ASK FOR!”
Me: “That’s it. Get out of my store.”
Customer: “What? NO!”
Me: “Sir, get out, or I have to take you out.”
Customer: “Then do it!”
(I go around the counter and approach the customer. I yank him by his collar & drag him to the door.)
Me: “Now, then… you wanna apologize and maybe come back in?”
Customer: “No! I just want my hammer! God, what is this madness?!”
Me: *puts the customer down*
Customer: *confused* “What is it?”
(I turn back to the cashier, who nods in approval. I then turn back to face the customer.)
Me: “Madness? THIS! IS! SPARTAAAAAAAAA!” *kicks customer out of store and slams door*
Customer: “Yes, I’d like… some pine.”
Me: “Okay. What size do you need?”
Customer: “Oh, just a regular board.”
Me: “No problem. But lumber comes in different sizes. What size would you like?”
Customer: “Just a regular size.”
Me: “I’m sorry, but there really isn’t a ‘regular size.’ Did you want to check and find out what size you needed?”
Customer: “No, I just need an average size piece of wood.”
Me: “Maybe I could show you our lumber so you could see which one looks right?”
Customer: “Look, I just want a piece of pine! Or, uh… fir. Or spruce.”
Me: “Maybe you’re looking for 2 inch thick lumber? Or is it just 1 inch, like shelving board?”
Customer: “No, that’s too short.”
Me: “That’s how thick the lumber is. The shortest we carry is 6 feet. What is the board being used for?”
Customer: “Just get me whatever everyone else uses, I guess.”
Me: “That’s the thing. People use all different sizes. Maybe if I had some idea of what it was for, I could try to guess what you need?”
Customer: “Why are you making this so difficult?!”
Me: Okay… could it be 8 feet long? Maybe a 2 x 4 x 8? We have pine, spruce, and fir lumber in that size. And you mentioned all three of those, right?”
Customer: “What does all that mean?”
Me: “If you’re getting this for someone else, maybe you should call them. We have a phone you could use right here on the desk.”
Customer: “I can’t believe this. Just forget it!” *storms off*
(The customer returns 15 minutes later.)
Customer: “Can I have a piece of 2 x 4 x 8 spruce lumber?”
(At the hardware store where I work, I see an old lady pushing a cart with a heavy bag of dirt inside it.)
Me: “Here, I can help you with that, ma’am. ”
Old Lady: “This cart is awful! It won’t steer anywhere I want it to!”
Me: “I’m sorry about that; it is kind of heavy. Here, let me get you a new one.”
Old Lady: “NO! I want a new cart so I can go look at flowers!”
Me: “…okay. I’ll get you a new cart for the dirt.”
Old Lady: “You DON’T understand! I want a new cart! Not this one! This one is broken!”
Me: “That’s quite alright, ma’am. I’ll get you a new cart instead of this one.”
Old Lady: “YOU JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND! I WANT TO GO LOOK AT FLOWERS AND I WANT A NEW CART!”
Me: “Okay, I think we have a miscommunication here! You may go look at flowers as much as you want. Then, just come check out when you’re done.”
Old Lady: “I’m just going to go look at flowers, AND I want a new cart.”
(About fifteen minutes after she looks at flowers, she comes down to my register. She’s still pushing the old cart.)
Old Lady: “Well, I guess I’m done shopping for the day. Thank you so much for your help, sweetie!”
Me: “You’re… welcome?”
This story is part of the Customers With Wild Mood Swings roundup!
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This story is part of the Customer Complaints That Resolve Themselves roundup!
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Customer: “Hi, do you sell hairdryers?”
Me: “Um, this is a hardware store.”
Customer: “Yes, yes, I know that. Do you sell them?”
Me: “No, we sell hardware here. But I’m sure the [Department Store] up the road sells hair dryers.”
Customer: “Well, I’ll just look around a bit.”
(About ten minutes later…)
Customer: “You could have TOLD me you only sold tools and nails here, BEFORE I wasted my time. Now I’ll have to go to [Department Store]!”