This Is Not The Feminist A Gender

| Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Friendly | January 12, 2016

(I am at a major hardware warehouse looking for some things, and I go to an employee to help me.)

Me: “Hi. My boyfriend gave me a list of things we need, but I don’t know what most of these things are. Can you help me find them, please?”

Employee: “Sure.”

Woman Near Us: “You know, you shouldn’t be like this. Women can be mechanics and fix things as well! Don’t fall into gender restrictions, and be a powerful woman.”

Me: *startled by this outburst, but deciding to be polite anyway* “Uh… okay. I’m just really not interested in this stuff. And it’s not like I’m falling into gender restrictions; I’m attending law school.”

Woman Near Us: *ignoring me, continuing rant* “And why are you fetching this stuff for your man? He shouldn’t use you like this! Men, they’re pigs.”

Me: “He’s at home, taking care of the baby…”

A Poor Reason To Hate Christmas

| Foley, AL, USA | Right | December 17, 2015

Customer: “God, I can’t believe you have Halloween and Christmas out already! It’s only late September! Surely, people aren’t buying for those already, are they?”

Me: “Oh, you’d be surprised, ma’am.”

Customer: “Well, it’s ridiculous. I don’t know why they do.”

Me: “Well, it’s actually a good idea. See, decorating for Halloween and Christmas can be expensive. If we get the stuff out early, people who don’t have money to buy all that at once can buy a little at a time, and by Christmas, they’ll have a good amount of stuff.”

Customer: “Well, if they have to do that, then poor people shouldn’t bother celebrating Christmas!”

A Different Kind Of Stoned

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Right | December 11, 2015

(As I walk past the restrooms heading back to the manager’s office, a man comes out of the men’s room.)

Customer: “I finally did! I finally passed that son of a gun!”

(The man holds up a wad of toilet paper… with a KIDNEY STONE on it.)

Me: “Oh, God.” *and I quickly duck into the office!*

Rise Of The Machines

| Peterborough, ON, Canada | Right | December 8, 2015

(One of our local hardware stores has just installed self checkouts. I’m in line waiting to use one myself. I watch one gentleman get through ringing everything in just fine, and then he goes to pay. I guess he selected debit or credit.)

Machine: *quite audible* “Please use the pin-pad on the side to complete your transaction.”

(The screen also had a diagram and an arrow. The customer stuck his card in the bill slot, then tried the coin slot, then tried the receipt slot, then tried to swipe card on the scanner. He managed to try everywhere but the actual debit terminal, all while the machine was giving clear prompts along with a picture. He eventually cancelled everything and went to a regular cashier.)

The Lawnmower Man

, | Manassas, VA, USA | Right | November 10, 2015

(I am working at the store and witness a coworker have this exchange with an older male customer.)

Customer: “I want to return this lawnmower. It doesn’t work.”

Coworker: “What seems to be the problem with it?”

Customer: “I told you: it doesn’t work. It did when I first bought it and then it stopped. It’s a lemon.”

Coworker: “Okay, well, we would typically attempt to get it repaired even if you return in so that we can still try and resell it. Is there anything specific about it not working that you can tell me?”

Customer: “No! It’s just a piece-of-s*** machine which is all this company seems to sell anymore! I want to return it for cash and take my business elsewhere!”

Coworker: “Sir, I appreciate that you’re upset but you need to mind your language. I will do my best to help you but you will need to calm down. Now, I have to ask a few basic questions in order to determine whether this machine really is defective. Did you use new gas when you filled the gas tank?”

Customer: *still irritated but calmer* “Yes, yes, of course I did. I’ve been using lawnmowers longer than you’ve been alive. I know how they work!”

Coworker: “And you used the proper weight and amount of oil as well?”

Customer: “What? I’ve never heard of putting oil in a lawnmower before! You don’t know what you’re talking about. Why would a lawnmower need oil?!”

Coworker: “Because it’s an internal combustion engine just like the one in your vehicle it just happens to be a smaller version.”

Customer: “That’s bulls***! Just refund my money so I can take my business somewhere with intelligent employees and decent products!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, sir, but every person who’s ever run a lawnmower knows that they require oil as well as gas and because you ran it without oil, you destroyed the engine. You invalidated the warranty by neglecting basic maintenance.”

Customer: “This is such bulls***! None of you are worth your pay! You’re all idiots! I’m going to [Competitor] and never shopping here again!”

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