A Cash Flow Returns To The Source

| Lenoir City, TN, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Language & Words, Money

(I’m working the customer service desk and have a problem with a customer who keeps calling, in spite of being told the answer to his question several times. Frustrated, when he calls again I ask my coworker to answer. She puts him on speaker.)

Coworker: “Customer service. How may I help you?”

Caller: *slurring his words* “I need to return my fridge!”

Coworker: “Okay.”

Caller: “Yeah, and I paid $400 for it, and I found a used one for $200. I want my money back!”

Coworker: “Okay. Do you have your receipt?”

Caller: “No, but I have my credit card.”

Coworker: “Okay. We can put it back on that.”

Caller: “No! I want that in cash!”

Coworker: “Sir, that’s impossible. You paid for it with a credit card, so you get the money back on your credit card.”

Caller: “But I paid it off with CASH!”

Coworker: “Even so. The money has to go back on the card.”

Caller: “Well, f*** it, b****!”

Coworker: “I’d rather not. I don’t think you’re my type.”

(The caller swears again and hangs up.)

Coworker: *to me* “See? With idiots, you have to be clever. It confuses them.”

Killing Two Types Of Bigot With One Stone

| MO, USA | Bigotry

(I recently got married. Due to the nature of my job, I opted for a simple wedding band instead of one with a stone that could easily get caught on things while I am working.)

Customer: “Are you a lesbian?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You have a man’s ring.”

Me: “Oh, no. My husband and I got matching bands. I didn’t want a stone because it could get in the way at work.”

Customer: “Husband? So you’re not a lesbian?”

Me: “No, I am not. Like I said, a simple band seemed more practical to me.”

Customer: “Well, you should get a girl’s ring! How do you expect people to know you’re not a lesbian with THAT on your finger?”

Foiled His Plans

| OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Math & Science

Customer: “I need some paint for my trailer.”

Me: “Okay. What material is it made from? I’m assuming metal?”

Customer: “No. It’s aluminum.”

Me: “Aluminum is a kind of metal, sir.”

Customer: “No, it isn’t! Aluminum doesn’t come from underground!”