(I’m an employee at a popular Halloween and costume store. With Halloween around the corner, it’s getting busier. Lines at the register are long; there’s even a line at our fitting rooms, which I’m helping manage. A younger guy walks up to the side of the counter and asks if I work there. While refraining from gesturing to my bright purple apron with the company’s name on it, I smile and say:)

Me: “Yes! Can I help you with anything?”

Customer: “Yeah, do you have any [Character I don’t know] costumes?”

(I don’t remember seeing that name on any packages in the store. It’s not a large store, but I have missed some things before.)

Me: “I’m not entirely sure. I don’t recognize the name.”

Customer: “Well, she’s a p*rn star.”

(Sexy nurse? Sure. Sexy priest? I can show you. Sexy ninja? Right behind you. P*rn star? Can’t help ya.)

Me: “Sorry, we don’t have any p*rn star costumes. I’m not sure how popular it is, but even so, we don’t have a lot of the classics, either.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Do you have any sexy costumes? For women?”

Me: “Yes, of course! All of our adult costumes are on this half of the store. Women’s are mixed in, with all the sexy costumes, too.”

Customer: “Okay, great! Do you have any wigs?”

Me: “Yep, we have a whole wall of wigs in the back of the store.”

Customer: “Okay. I don’t really like how my girl looks, so I’m trying to dress her up.”

Me: *trying my best to keep my working smile on and my tone polite* “Okay, yeah, we have a ton of wigs in the back, as well as many other accessories including corsets, leggings, and gloves!”

Customer: “Okay, great! Can I have your number?”

(No leading up to it. Blunt. He literally just said he had a girl, and even bashed her looks. Of course, this is the one day I came into work dressed up.)

Me: “Um, sorry, but I’m kind of working right now. It would be unprofessional of me to give out my number.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. I feel you.”

(He walked away. I didn’t see where he walked to. I got back to working the fitting rooms and never saw him again. I had a good laugh about it later on. Everyone I told agreed that he was a pig. A pig with ramen noodles for hair.)

(I’m busy typing up a document for one customer, while another one comes and sits at my desk. He is already being assisted by my coworker and just wanted to sit down. Both my coworker and I are female.)

Customer: “Wow, you have the easiest job in the world.”

Me: *chuckling* “Typing is easy, sure, but that’s not all I do. We have to know how to use all these machines, design logos and business cards, use a wide variety of software…”

Customer: “Well, it’s air-conditioned in here!”

Me: “Sure, but each of these copiers and the laminating machines have operating temperatures at or above 300°F. When they’re all working, we get pretty sweaty back here.”

Customer: *getting flustered* “Well, you’re the one who wanted to be a liberated woman and work for a living!”

(It’s pretty clear that this man has a poor view of women in the workplace. I decide not to let him get me worked up.)

Me: *cheerfully* “Yep! I certainly do want to work for a living. It’s nice having cash to pay the bills and I’m not afraid of a little hard work!”

Customer: *laughs scornfully, like he doesn’t believe what I’m saying*

Me: *continues typing the document I was working on*

Customer: “Well, what about your coworker, eh? She’s a cutie! Right? A little cutie!”

Me: “I’m afraid I’m probably not the best judge of that, sir.”

(The customer seemed offended that I wouldn’t join him in leering at my coworker, grunted, and left my desk. Thank goodness!)

Customer: “Excuse me. Is that coworker of yours here? Uh… Um, oh, [Female Coworker]?”

Me: “No, sir, she’s off today.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Absolutely.”

Customer: “No, you’re lying. See, I went by her house and she wasn’t there. She must be here. Are you sure she’s not here?”

Me: “Um, yeah, I’m really sure.”

Customer: “That can’t be right! She’s not at home. She has to be here!”

(Another one of my coworkers overhears us and pipes in.)

Coworker: “She’s at the firing range. I think she said something about abhorrent admirers?”

Customer: *hurriedly* “When you see her, tell her [Customer] came by.”

Me: “Oh, trust me; I will.”

(I start helping my mom in her office as an assistant. We don’t tell the clients about our relationship, but some of our closest clients notice our similarities and guess it on their own. There is this one client who is very keen on having me as his daughter-in-law; he introduces me to his son, asks me to show his son — recently back from studying abroad — around our city — to which request I say a firm no — and asks me to come to his house for documents signing — my mom forbids me to go. Fast forward a few years: we are still in a good relationship with the client and we get an invitation to his son’s wedding. My mom goes to the wedding — the kind of wedding where the parents of both bride and groom are standing right next to the bride and groom, and guests are expected to queue to greet them — and after queuing for some time, she finally gets to greet her clients.)

Mom: “Hi, Mr. [Client]. Congratulations on your son’s wedding!”

Client: “Thank you for coming!” *to his wife* “This is Mrs. [Mom], the one who helped us with [case].”

Client’s Wife: *in full hearing of everyone nearby, including her son and her new daughter-in-law* “Ooh, thank you for coming. Too bad we are not meant to be in-laws!”

(I’m in my apartment with my girlfriend playing a medieval MMO. She’s on her laptop out in the kitchen, while I’m in my office on my desktop. We’re hanging out in the starting town when a random low-level player starts following me. Note: I’m 30 and she’s 27, and we’ve both been playing this game together since high school.)

Random Player: “Hey, [My Username]!”

Me: “Yes?”

Random Player: “Free money, please?”

Me: “You can make money by killing goblins or cows, or by fishing or mining.”

Random Player: “I don’t want to do that! Give me 500k or I’ll do your mom in bed!”

Me: “Okay, that’s actually very disturbing.”

Random Player: “What, can’t handle me sleeping with your mom?”

Girlfriend: “No, he means it’s disturbing that you’re turned on by sixty-year-old married women.”

(The random player briefly stands there, silent, and then runs off without saying another word.)

Me: *shouting out of my office to my girlfriend* “You’re definitely a keeper, babe!”

(She responded by making her avatar blow my avatar a kiss in-game. A moment later, she waltzed into my office and gave me a kiss on the cheek. We have now been married for three years, and we still play that MMO together from time to time.)