Ooh, Baby, I’m In Love!

, , , | Friendly | December 6, 2020

I’m a female military veteran with minor hearing loss. It’s not bad enough that I need a hearing aid, but if there’s a lot of surrounding noise and you’re far away speaking quietly, I won’t pick it up. One day, I’m walking back from the library and I get to the stretch of road before I make a turn. On the other side is a man, who I think is speaking into a phone.

Man: “Uricerest.”

Between his accent and being on the other side of the road, I think I just can’t understand him, and anyway, it’s not my business as he’s on the phone. I keep walking, and then he speaks again.

Man: “Uricerest!”

Again, I think he’s on the phone, and this is all just ambient noise to me. I get to the corner and turn down the street when suddenly, I hear someone shout.


At this point, I was well around the corner and when I turned around, I couldn’t see anyone, so I assumed he was yelling at someone on his phone. I got home and started puttering around when my brain clicked and I realized he was cat-calling me, saying, “You got nice breasts.” And he got pissed because I ignored his compliment (in his mind). All I could do was laugh for about five minutes.

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In The Biz, We Call This The A**hole Tax

, , , | Right | December 4, 2020

This happens in 1994 or 1995 or so. My adopted family owns a locksmith company, and of course, they trained me into the family business. It is an old-school family business; my old man is the gruff but honest type and really cares about the work we do. We are paid by commission, so it is absolutely worth it to me to work hard and take all the calls I can.

We also have an emergency line at home that we answer twenty-four-seven. That is part of our thing. You never get an answering service; it is always one of the family.

If you’re good at it, locksmithing is one of those skills that looks really easy, and some of the work goes fast if you know exactly how to do it. When you pay a locksmith, you’re not just paying for the time they’re working; you’re paying for them knowing what to do. Like the old joke, fixing the machine by whacking it once with a wrench doesn’t cost $10,000; knowing where to hit it does.

It is around 1:00 am on a Saturday night, and we get a call from a guy that’s locked out of an early 1990s Cadillac near the middle of the city.

Me: “Okay, that should be $125 to unlock the car, and I can be there in less than an hour.”

He agrees and tells me to come down. I managed to be onsite in a little more than thirty minutes, despite a decent storm going on.

The customer is there and the car is there; it’s business as usual. I do the preliminary stuff like grab his driver’s license to cross-reference with the registration and such. The keys are in the ignition, so I grab my tool, open the car in about thirty seconds, and grab the keys.

Normally, people are happy that it’s quick, or they make some lame joke about how they should learn to do that, but the price is very reasonable for the service — especially at 1:00 am in a rainstorm.

This guy…

Guy: *Smug and condescending* “I’ll pay you fifty bucks. That was too easy!”

I’m not having any of it. I shrug, toss the keys on the seat, and lock the doors. If it’s that easy, he can get ’em.

As you can imagine, the a**hole isn’t too happy with that. He sputters a bit.

Guy: “Fine! I’ll pay you. Just open the car.”

I unlock the car for the second time.

Me: “That’ll be $250; I’ve unlocked it twice.”

Instead of boring you with his four-letter vocabulary, I’ll just say that those keys end up back on the seat with the doors locked again.

At this point, the “gentleman” really gets to yelling and threatens to call another locksmith.

Me: *Politely* “My dad is the president of the local locksmith association and I would know any locksmith that would show up this late. They won’t be any more inclined to work a middle-of-the-night call for $50 than I am, and they won’t take kindly to your trying to cheat me out of my reasonable service charge twice.”

So, he calls the cops on me.

Well, the cops show up and ask me what is going on. I explained that I quoted the man a price over the phone, that there was a verbal agreement to the cost for me to come out and unlock the vehicle for $125, and at this point, I’ve unlocked it twice.

Officer: “Sir, you can either pay this locksmith to have your car opened or you can break a window.”

Guy: “I’m not breaking a window; it’s f****** raining!”

Officer: “Then I guess you’re paying the locksmith.”

So, he asks me to unlock his car. And I oblige. For the third time.

And, with his keys in my hand, I look him in the face and say:

Me: “That’ll be $375.”

He got pretty angry and asked if I would take a check. I kindly pointed out the ATM at the end of the block and told him that, unfortunately for him, I required cash.

Bonus! That particular ATM only dispensed $20 bills, so I got a $5.00 tip because, of course, I don’t carry change at that time of night.

Source: Reddit (Credit: KiltedRonin, Original Story)

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How To Lose A Woman (And A Contract) In Less Than Sixty Seconds

, , , , | Working | November 27, 2020

I am a housing officer in a mental health specialist housing group. I’m responsible for over 100 properties over a large city. I am responsible for maintenance and tenant welfare and am extremely busy because of it. I’m a woman in my twenties but can easily pass for an eighteen-year-old.

I need to find a new carpet supplier and have arranged for several companies to provide quotes. The successful company will become our exclusive supplier, and we are recarpeting 90% of our existing properties with new ones coming in the next few weeks. On this day, I’m scheduled to work from home but I’m coming in as a favour. I am dressed in workout gear — leggings, trainers, and a hoodie — with my ID badge on display.

As I pull into the street, a van cuts me off coming down a pedestrian walkway. The driver beeps and makes vulgar gestures at me, all of which is captured on my dashcam. He races off, breaking the speed limit, and parks across two driveways, blocking me from parking on the property.

I drive past and walk to the property, and I notice the driver standing on the doorstep repeatedly ringing the bell and hammering on the door.

As he drops a cigarette butt on the floor, he notices me and lets out a shrill wolf-whistle.

Worker: “Oi, oi! How’s it going, baby?!”

Me: “Hello, are you [Worker] from [Company]? I’m [My Name] from [Housing Organisation]. I believe you’re here to bid for the carpeting contract?”

Worker: “Err, uhh, yeah. Yeah, that’s right, love! I thought I was meeting the officer, not their assistant! I’m only gonna deal with the big boss, all right, sweetheart?”

Me: “Actually, you won’t be dealing with anyone. I am [My Name] and I’m the officer dealing with contracts. Your conduct has been disgraceful; you’re not coming anywhere near my tenants or properties. I will be calling your supervisor to confirm exactly why you won’t be getting the contract and to let him know about your behaviour. Have a wonderful rest of the week, Mr. [Worker].”

Leaving him speechless, I stormed back to my car and went back to my office. His company was apoplectic with rage when they heard what he had done and he was fired on the spot, due to this incident combined with previous issues. They sent both their other workers who would be carrying out the work to meet me and sign up for mental health awareness training, AND they gave us two carpet fittings free. Due to this, we gave them the contract and have had no trouble since.

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An Awful Thing For Any Old Man To Say

, , , | Right | November 22, 2020

I work in a popular secondhand goods store in the UK. Weird customers come in daily, but this one makes my skin crawl.

Me: “Hiya! Are you after anything in particular?”

Customer: *In a hushed tone* “That’s an awful thing to ask a dirty old man.”

I was speechless and backed away slowly, running to the staff room as soon as I could for lunch!

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A Regular Ol’ Scumbag

, , , , , , | Right | November 13, 2020

I work in a bookstore where I am on cafe duty with a coworker, a teenage girl with very red hair. I am behind the counter while she buses tables and checks on customers. A regular, a middle-aged man who has always given off creepy vibes, is sitting by himself, “writing his novel” on his laptop. As my coworker passes him, he says something to her, and she immediately turns red and hurries behind the counter.

Me: “Did [Regular] say something rude?”

Coworker: “He asked me if my carpet matched my drapes.”

Me: “I am going to call the manager.”

Coworker: “Please don’t. The last time I complained, [Manager #1] told me I needed to toughen up, and [Manager #2] just shrugged and said he’d never said anything to her, so…”

Me: “Well, [Manager #3] is on duty tonight; let’s at least try.”

She goes in the back to call the manager and explains the situation. I keep on behind the counter with one eye on the regular. [Manager #3] comes up within ten minutes with murder in their eyes.

Manager #3: “Good evening, [Regular]! I am given to understand you were very rude to one of my employees?”

Regular: “She’s lying.”

Manager #3: “I don’t think she is; she told me that you asked her an extremely rude and inappropriate question.”

Regular: *Uncomfortably* “Little tattletale can’t take a joke.”

Manager #3: “You need to leave my store right now.”

Regular: “I’m here several times a week, and I buy things every time I’m here. I’m a member! You can’t afford to lose my business!”

Manager #3: “Oh, you’re a member? I had no idea. May I see your card, please, sir?”

The regular smugly takes out his membership card and hands it over. [Manager #3] looks at it, and then grabs a pair of scissors off the counter and cuts it in half.

Regular: “What the h***?”

Manager #3: “You are no longer a member, and you are no longer welcome in this store. I don’t need customers like you. And I am going to send your name and a description of what just happened to membership services and ensure that you will never be a member again. Get. Out.”

He left, clutching his laptop and swearing he’d “take this to the highest authority.” We never saw him again. The manager got written up for losing the store a valuable customer but said it was worth it.

This story is part of our Best Of November 2020 roundup!

Read the next story in the Best Of November 2020 roundup!

Read the Best Of November 2020 roundup!

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