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Making A Double Boob Of Yourself

, , , , | Healthy | July 21, 2019

(I am in the co-op program at my high school, and I have a placement at a local university medical clinic. Since I am a high school student, there are a lot of things at the clinic that I am not qualified to do, so I am often tasked with calling patients to inform them of specialist appointments that they have been referred to.)

Me: “Hello, is this [Patient]?”

Patient: “Yes, it is.”

Me: *reading the referral sheet* “I’m calling from Dr. [Doctor]’s office to let you know about an upcoming mammogram appointment on [date] at [Location].”

(Pause.)

Patient: “Well, I just had a double mastectomy, so I don’t think I’ll be needing that appointment.”

Me: “Oh.”

(I was mortified and apologized profusely; thankfully, the patient laughed it off. I informed my supervisor and she, while shocked, commended me on how I handled the situation.)

More Hands-On With Their Complaints

, , , , | Right | May 17, 2019

(My cousin and I go out to get breakfast at a casual restaurant in the city.)

Waitress: “Is there anything you would like to drink today?”

Me: “I’d like a water, please.”

Cousin: “I hate when restaurants give you this stuff.”

Me: “What stuff?”

Cousin: “Like, knives… and forks and stuff.”

Me: “You hate when they give you cutlery?”

Cousin: “Yeah.”

Waitress: “…”

Me: “He’ll have a water, as well, please.”

Six To Be You!

, , , , , | Working | February 26, 2019

(I’m friends with my managers, and because of that I often sit with them during lunch breaks.)

Manager #1: “I am working five days this week! I’m so tired when I’m done with work I just shower and go to bed! You know they’re making us work six days a week starting next week?”

Manager #2: “That is ridiculous! How can anyone have a life with only one day off?”

Me: “I’m constantly working six days a week even though I submitted a form to take back my extended hours. I’d love to have two days off, especially since I’m enrolled in an online school course.”

(My managers stopped complaining after that, or at least around me.)

Loonie Over A Toonie, Part 6

, , , , | Right | October 1, 2018

(I live in Canada. I have just finished ringing in a customer and am returning her change. Among the coins is a “toonie,” a Canadian $2 coin.)

Me: “There you go, ma’am. Enjoy the rest of your day!”

Customer: *holding up toonie* “Um, what is this?”

Me: “That’s a two dollar coin, ma’am.”

Customer: “But what am I supposed to do with it?”

Me: “Well, it’s legal tender in all of Canada. So, er, buy stuff with it?”

(The customer is now visibly agitated.)

Customer: “Well, I’m leaving tomorrow!”

Me: *becomes forcefully polite* “Oh, how are you getting home? By airplane?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “Well, then, you can buy yourself a coffee at the airport! Have a nice day!”

(We frequently get customers who are confused by Canadian currency. They either demand to be given American change, or assume the currency is actually some sort of token that’s only valid on the boardwalk.)

Related:
Loonie Over A Toonie, Part 5
Loonie Over A Toonie, Part 4
Loonie Over A Toonie, Part 3

An Orchestra Of Confusion

, , , , , | Right | August 9, 2018

(Our theatre has one auditorium, [Hall], with two levels: orchestra and balcony. When taking tickets, I routinely have these conversations with patrons:)

Me: “Okay, you’re upstairs in the balcony, nearest—”

Patron: “WE ARE NOT IN THE BALCONY! WE ARE IN [HALL]!”

Me: *politely* “Yes, the balcony section of [Hall].”

Patron: *snatches ticket back and storms up the stairs*

(Another example:)

Patron: *rushing up in a panic* “The sign says ‘orchestra’ above the door to the theatre! We don’t want to watch the orchestra; we want to see the play! We paid to see the play!”

Me: *politely* “Yes, you will be able to see the play. Your seats are simply on the first level of the auditorium.”

Patron: “Oh. But if the orchestra blocks our view, can we get a refund?”

Me: *picking my battles* “This play doesn’t have an orchestra. I’m sure you’ll be fine, but please let the staff know if there are any problems.”

(Another example: seeing, “ORCH,” short for “orchestra,” on their ticket, a patron asks, completely serious:)

Patron: “Does ‘orch’ mean there’s an orchard in there?”