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My Time And Your Eyes Are Not Disposable

, , , , | Right | August 9, 2021

One of the amenities that come with our gym’s higher membership tier is tanning. The only requirement to use that besides having that membership type is showing us your eye protection. I’ve gotten so used to people getting annoyed that they have to show it or saying that’s none of our business that I’ll usually preface my asking to see it with, “Whether you use it is up to you, but by law, we have to see that you have it.” Usually, that’s enough to calm people down because we could literally lose our jobs if someone goes blind and sues us, but some people don’t really care about either our jobs or their eyesight.

Member: “I’d like to tan, please.”

Me: “Sure thing!”

I look in the notes and see that he has been made aware in the past of the eye protection policy.

Me: “Awesome, and I just need to see your eye protection.”

Member: “I have it.”

Me: “Okay, I just need to see it.”

He begins digging in his bag. After the first thirty seconds, I start to feel bad for him, until I remember the note. He probably digs in his bag for two full minutes before giving up. Usually, at this point, if someone legitimately thought they had the eye protection, they’ll say something along the lines of, “That’s so weird. I swore I had it! Can I buy some disposable ones?” But he does not. He just zips up his bag and looks at me, which tells me he knew all along that he didn’t have them and didn’t want to admit it.

Me: “Want some [disposable eye protection]?”

Member: *Mutters* “Whatever.”

After giving him a pair and watching him head toward tanning, I turn to my manager on duty who’s been watching with amusement.

Me: “If he hadn’t lied to me, I’d have happily saved him the time and just given him the disposable ones!”

Their Brain Has A Locker-Blocker

, , , , | Right | July 30, 2021

The gym I work at has a “day-use only” policy on the lockers, because we have many more members than lockers, so no one has their own personal locker. If we see a lock has been on a locker for more than twenty-four hours, we assume it’s been abandoned, cut the lock off, and put the belongings in our lost and found.

Older Lady: “Hello, I’m calling about my locker. I left my things in there and was told I had until yesterday to clear it out, but I’ve been quarantined and can’t come get my things. Can I just leave the things in my locker and come get them when I’m out of quarantine in two weeks?”

I assume she means she accidentally left her things in a locker last time she was here.

Me: “Well, ma’am, the nice thing about [Gym] is that, even though we don’t have personal lockers, we will keep your things in the lost and found for you to come get when you’re able.

Older Lady: “But will you cut my lock off? It’s my locker, so I was told my things would be safe until I could come get them.”

Me: “We actually don’t have personal lockers. We have day lockers, which means you have to take your things with you when you leave each day.”

Older Lady: “But I left my things in my locker; they should still be there!”

Me: “Ma’am, nobody has their own locker. Were you by chance intending to call [Another Gym with a similar name]?”

Older Lady: “I was told my things would be safe in my locker. Please don’t cut my lock off.”

Me: *Gives up* “What was the locker number?”

Older Lady: “I don’t remember.”

Me: *Face-desk* “Well, I’ll keep my eyes out, and if I see your things, I’ll put them in the lost and found, okay?”

Older Lady: “Oh, thank you. I appreciate it!”

Me: “My pleasure, ma’am.”

I made note of her name and number and immediately went into the locker room to take note of the lockers that had a lock on them. By the end of the day, they were all empty, so my guess is she called the wrong gym. Otherwise, how could anyone have such a hard time understanding the day-use-only policy? I couldn’t have explained it more clearly!

A New Class Of Entitlement

, , , , | Right | March 2, 2021

I work as a receptionist in a small gym where memberships are more like spots you reserve in certain classes. This one woman, now everyone’s least favourite client, comes in about forty-five minutes into the last class of the day, which is a reformer class. We close very early on Sundays.

Customer: “When does the reformer class start?”

Me: “Oh, they’re about fifteen minutes away from finishing. Are you here to meet your friend?”

Customer: “No, I’m here for the class.”

Me: “I can let you in, but you won’t get anything done and you’ll waste your money.”

Customer: “Well, you should sign me up for the next one.”

Me: “I’m very sorry, but this is actually the last class we have today.”

Customer: “Make one for me.”

Me: “Unfortunately, private classes have to be booked ahead of time through the owner.”

I give her the owner’s card.

Customer: “Then why didn’t you call me to tell me about the class?”

Me: “I’m sorry, the owner didn’t tell me I needed to call someone. Did you sign up for the class?”

Customer: “No, I didn’t want to sign up and I didn’t tell the owner I was coming.”

Me: “So how was I supposed to know you were coming?”

Customer: “It’s your job!”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t even have your phone number in our system.”

Customer: “You should know all your clients’ phone numbers!”

Me: “Ma’am, we have hundreds of clients. Now, I can tell you’re angry, so I’ll have to ask you to leave. If you look on the app we had you install while you were registering for our gym, the schedule is posted there. Have a good day.”

Customer: “I can have the boss fire you and then buy you myself!”

I know d*** well I’m the only reason this place isn’t falling apart.

Me: “I’m sure you can. Leave.”

When Reading Is The Hardest Exercise At The Gym

, , , , | Right | February 26, 2021

I walk up to the desk of my rec centre after work to renew my gym membership. A world-weary woman behind the counter looks up at me.

Attendant: “Are you here for the gym or pool?”

Me: “Umm, I’m looking to renew my gym membership. The pool’s closed for two weeks.”

Attendant: “Wait. You know that?”

I look at her strangely.

Me: “Yeah. There’ve been signs in the parking garage and on the doors for weeks. I was staring at three signs about it as I was waiting in line. I saw it in big letters on your webpage when I checked your hours. I mean, my hand is resting on a Sharpie-written notice right now.”

Attendant: “So… some people do see them…”

Me: “I am so sorry about your next two weeks. Here’s my card to renew.”

New Year’s Devolution

, , , , | Right | February 4, 2021

I work at a gym and I’m greeting members at our front desk. A member is leaving and has a few questions. For reference, we were at a level red and have recently moved to level orange for disease prevention, which means we are allowed to up our max capacity.

Member: “Why does it seem busier than it was last week?”

Me: “Since moving to level orange, we were able to increase our capacity.”

Member: “What does that mean?”

Me: “We were running at 10% capacity and now we’re running at 25% capacity.”

Member: “I don’t know what that means.”

Me: “With the level red, we were allowed to have a max of ninety people in the gym at a time. Now, we are allowed to have a max of 180.”

Member: “I still don’t get why that would make it busier.”

Me: *Pauses* “It’s January. Everyone’s here for their New Year’s resolution and this is our peak hour.”

Member: “I still don’t get it, but okay.”

The member leaves and my coworker walks up to me.

Coworker: “I don’t know how else you could have explained that to him.”