Due to the ongoing health crisis, corporate has amended our gym’s cancelation policy to allow us to cancel accounts over the phone. This call occurs on the day that monthly dues are pulled.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Gym]. This is [My Name]; how can I help you?”

Member: *Already yelling* “I wanna know why I got charged when I called three times to cancel, and I want my money back!”

Me: “Let me look into that. What’s your phone number so I can look up your account?”

The member gives me her number. I find her account and immediately see several red flags. She has another account in RFC, which means she stopped paying until it went to a collections agency, and she owes almost $100 on that account, so there’s no way she’s going to get any more money back from us. Two other red flags are the absence of a cancelation document on the active account or notes detailing two of her claimed previous conversations, so just one note from one conversation. Still, people make mistakes, so I give her the benefit of the doubt regarding previous calls.

Me: “It’s showing me that your account is still active, I don’t see any cancelation document, and I only see a note from one previous call. Do you remember who you spoke to the other times?”

Member: *Now screaming* “I told that b**** to cancel me out! Put her on the phone!”

Me: “The note she left says she asked you if you wanted to cancel—”

Member: *Interrupting me* “I TOLD HER I WANTED TO CANCEL!”

Me: “And that you hung up on her without answering. Without verbal confirmation that you wanted to cancel, she was not able to cancel your account.”

I begin the usually quick process of canceling her, forgoing the usual “Would you like to freeze, instead?” questions. She continues screaming.

Member: “PUT THAT B**** ON THE PHONE! I TOLD HER TO CANCEL, AND I WANT MY MONEY BACK! I’M NOT PLAYING AROUND! GIVE ME MY MONEY!”

I finish canceling the account, barely keeping my temper but maintaining a tone of calm professionalism.

Me: “The email address we have on file for you is—”

Member: *Interrupts again* “I DON’T F****** CARE WHAT EMAIL YOU HAVE!”

Me: *Still calmly, reads off email* “Is that correct?”

Member: “YES, BUT I WANT THAT B**** ON THE LINE! SHE NEEDS TO GIVE ME MY MONEY BACK!”

I am tired of hearing my coworker disparaged like this. She’s a great worker, she always does her best to help members out, and she’s also my shift lead, so she knows what she’s doing.

Me: “[Member]?”

The member keeps yelling.

Me: “[Member]!”

Member: “What?!”

Me: “[Member], you’re going to stop screaming at me, you’re going to stop swearing at me, and I won’t be putting my coworker on the phone to be verbally abused by you. I’ve completed your cancelation and a confirmation email is on its way to you, which is why I confirmed the email address. Now, regarding a refund, my assistant manager is here and I can put him on the phone. Would you like to speak with him?”

Member: *Finally quiet* “Yes.”

Me: “All right, one moment, please.”

I put her on hold and explained the situation to my manager. He took over, listened to her scream again, and told her in no uncertain terms that she would not get her money back because we’ve been open for four months and there’s no proof that she actually tried to cancel before screaming at my shift lead. She was naturally quite angry, but since she’s canceled, she’s not our problem anymore. To my knowledge, she hasn’t called back again.

Some fourteen years ago I was on a business trip in Germany. The hotel I was in had a wellness area with a sauna and a little gym just beside it. As those two rooms were beside each other with identical doors — the only difference was the names “Gym” and “Sauna” on the doors — they would get people in their bathrobes and clutching towels opening the gym door, turning on their heels, and leaving for the right room. In Germany, you are usually expected to be naked in the sauna.

I had a long day ahead, so I was running on the treadmill at about 6:30 am, enjoying the quiet and clean air. Suddenly, the door opened and in came a guy with a towel wrapped around his waist. I thought I’d get the usual reaction: “Oops, sorry, wrong room.”

No. This guy just dropped the towel and, naked as a baby, hopped on the treadmill, selected a programme, and started running.

I remember being very confused. Was he some kind of a perv? Or just used to being naked so he didn’t care? 

Nevertheless, I didn’t last long because, in all honesty, the sight of a man running while his ding-dong moves like a metronome can be pretty funny, but not so much that I would like to watch it in the mirror for a long time. I moved to a stationary bike and then left soon afterward while the man was still running.

It was an incredible experience and one I am happy to share but don’t need to experience again.

One of the amenities that come with our gym’s higher membership tier is tanning. The only requirement to use that besides having that membership type is showing us your eye protection. I’ve gotten so used to people getting annoyed that they have to show it or saying that’s none of our business that I’ll usually preface my asking to see it with, “Whether you use it is up to you, but by law, we have to see that you have it.” Usually, that’s enough to calm people down because we could literally lose our jobs if someone goes blind and sues us, but some people don’t really care about either our jobs or their eyesight.

Member: “I’d like to tan, please.”

Me: “Sure thing!”

I look in the notes and see that he has been made aware in the past of the eye protection policy.

Me: “Awesome, and I just need to see your eye protection.”

Member: “I have it.”

Me: “Okay, I just need to see it.”

He begins digging in his bag. After the first thirty seconds, I start to feel bad for him, until I remember the note. He probably digs in his bag for two full minutes before giving up. Usually, at this point, if someone legitimately thought they had the eye protection, they’ll say something along the lines of, “That’s so weird. I swore I had it! Can I buy some disposable ones?” But he does not. He just zips up his bag and looks at me, which tells me he knew all along that he didn’t have them and didn’t want to admit it.

Me: “Want some [disposable eye protection]?”

Member: *Mutters* “Whatever.”

After giving him a pair and watching him head toward tanning, I turn to my manager on duty who’s been watching with amusement.

Me: “If he hadn’t lied to me, I’d have happily saved him the time and just given him the disposable ones!”

The gym I work at has a “day-use only” policy on the lockers, because we have many more members than lockers, so no one has their own personal locker. If we see a lock has been on a locker for more than twenty-four hours, we assume it’s been abandoned, cut the lock off, and put the belongings in our lost and found.

Older Lady: “Hello, I’m calling about my locker. I left my things in there and was told I had until yesterday to clear it out, but I’ve been quarantined and can’t come get my things. Can I just leave the things in my locker and come get them when I’m out of quarantine in two weeks?”

I assume she means she accidentally left her things in a locker last time she was here.

Me: “Well, ma’am, the nice thing about [Gym] is that, even though we don’t have personal lockers, we will keep your things in the lost and found for you to come get when you’re able.

Older Lady: “But will you cut my lock off? It’s my locker, so I was told my things would be safe until I could come get them.”

Me: “We actually don’t have personal lockers. We have day lockers, which means you have to take your things with you when you leave each day.”

Older Lady: “But I left my things in my locker; they should still be there!”

Me: “Ma’am, nobody has their own locker. Were you by chance intending to call [Another Gym with a similar name]?”

Older Lady: “I was told my things would be safe in my locker. Please don’t cut my lock off.”

Me: *Gives up* “What was the locker number?”

Older Lady: “I don’t remember.”

Me: *Face-desk* “Well, I’ll keep my eyes out, and if I see your things, I’ll put them in the lost and found, okay?”

Older Lady: “Oh, thank you. I appreciate it!”

Me: “My pleasure, ma’am.”

I made note of her name and number and immediately went into the locker room to take note of the lockers that had a lock on them. By the end of the day, they were all empty, so my guess is she called the wrong gym. Otherwise, how could anyone have such a hard time understanding the day-use-only policy? I couldn’t have explained it more clearly!

I work as a receptionist in a small gym where memberships are more like spots you reserve in certain classes. This one woman, now everyone’s least favourite client, comes in about forty-five minutes into the last class of the day, which is a reformer class. We close very early on Sundays.

Customer: “When does the reformer class start?”

Me: “Oh, they’re about fifteen minutes away from finishing. Are you here to meet your friend?”

Customer: “No, I’m here for the class.”

Me: “I can let you in, but you won’t get anything done and you’ll waste your money.”

Customer: “Well, you should sign me up for the next one.”

Me: “I’m very sorry, but this is actually the last class we have today.”

Customer: “Make one for me.”

Me: “Unfortunately, private classes have to be booked ahead of time through the owner.”

I give her the owner’s card.

Customer: “Then why didn’t you call me to tell me about the class?”

Me: “I’m sorry, the owner didn’t tell me I needed to call someone. Did you sign up for the class?”

Customer: “No, I didn’t want to sign up and I didn’t tell the owner I was coming.”

Me: “So how was I supposed to know you were coming?”

Customer: “It’s your job!”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t even have your phone number in our system.”

Customer: “You should know all your clients’ phone numbers!”

Me: “Ma’am, we have hundreds of clients. Now, I can tell you’re angry, so I’ll have to ask you to leave. If you look on the app we had you install while you were registering for our gym, the schedule is posted there. Have a good day.”

Customer: “I can have the boss fire you and then buy you myself!”

I know d*** well I’m the only reason this place isn’t falling apart.

Me: “I’m sure you can. Leave.”