I work at a large multi-level gym that has a large climbing wall in the middle atrium. A visitor on a day pass walks up to me at the reception desk and points to it.

Customer: “So what’s the point?”

Me: “Of climbing?”

Customer: “Yeah. You get to the top and then… what, you come back down?”

Me: “Pretty much, yep.”

Customer: “That’s stupid. Why would I pay to go nowhere?”

Me: “Well, it’s like most things you do at this gym.” *I mimic a bicep curl.* “Things go up, things come back down.”

Customer: “It’s still going nowhere. Pointless.”

Manager: “We also sell memberships if you’d like to go nowhere more often.”

The customer scoffs and wanders off.

Me: “That probably ruined any chances of him becoming a member.”

Manager: “You want someone like that as a member?!”

Me: “Good point.”

I work at an indoor climbing gym. I’m at the front desk with a group, checking waivers and assigning harnesses when a guy in expensive gym gear walks in. He has a tripod and a camera, so he’s clearly more interested in looking cool than actually climbing.

Customer: “Hey, I wanna try the tall wall. Do I need, like, special gloves or something?”

Me: “Nope, just the rental shoes and harness. You’ll be clipped in, and we’ve got auto-belays if you’re climbing solo.”

Customer: “And what happens if I fall?”

Me: “The system lowers you down safely.”

Customer: “Yeah, but what if it doesn’t?”

Me: “Then you’ll be the fastest one down today.”

He tried the wall and got about six feet up before he decided he had enough footage and called it a day.

As a kid, I was interested in learning a martial art. I convince my parents to take me to a local place for lessons. My mom wants me to be a girl who can defend herself, but my dad is a bit more sceptical. 

Our tour of the school is well-timed, as we get to see a master perform. He has some wooden sticks, and he swings them around and hits the same spot in the air in front of him every time with amazing precision. It was amazing to behold.

My dad, always one for stating the obvious, looks at this minute-long display of a master skillfully and elegantly attacking with some sticks, and just says:

Dad: “So, he’s a martial artist, then?”

Mom: *Deadpan.* “No, honey, there was a wasp.”

While at a class at the gym, I’m saying something self-deprecating about needing to switch to lighter plate weights before my set.

Coach: “Oh, don’t be like that! I remember when you started, you couldn’t even lift the lightest bar with no plates. You’ve improved loads!”

Me: “Yeah, but had I been any weaker, I couldn’t have lifted my arms. That illness last autumn was awful, I got badly medically underweight, and so weak.”

Other Girl In Gym Class: “Oh, that must’ve been great! I wish I could eat anything I want!”

Me: *Incredulously.* “I couldn’t eat anything, whether I wanted it or not. I was sick. I got too weak to stand up. That’s sort of the problem I came here to the gym to solve.”

Girl: “Thin! It must be great!”

Me & Coach: “…”

I work the front desk at a 24-hour gym. A guy walks up after his first-ever workout; maybe thirty minutes on the elliptical and a few bicep curls.

Customer: “Hey, do you guys have one of those infrared fat-burning saunas?” 

Me: “No, just regular saunas. And they’re mostly for recovery, not weight loss.” 

Customer: “Hmm. Okay. What about that machine that zaps your abs into a six-pack? I saw it on YouTube.”

Me: “Uh… we don’t carry machines from infomercials, no.” 

Customer: *Deadly serious.* “Well, how am I supposed to get ripped without, like, working out?” 

Me: “This is a gym, sir. The only thing that gets ripped without working is the paper.”