Mate Late

| Austria | Learning | April 22, 2016

(I’m the trainer in a Judo class for kids. It’s the end of the lesson and in order to do this it’s tradition that the children sit down in a row to bow. The command for this is “Mate”)

Me: “Mate!”

(The children sit down, one child is waving his hands and shouts.)

Child: “Teacher, I have to say something!”

Me: “After ‘Mate’ it’s supposed to be silent. I think we have to practice this. Everyone to the wall at the other side! Okay, let’s try it again: Mate!”

(The children run to the wall. After the command they return and sit down, the same child is waving his hands and shouts.)

Child: “Teacher, I have to say something!”

Me: *sigh* “Everyone back to the wall! Okay, once more: Mate!”

(The same thing happens once again.)

Me: *to the child* “You DO realize that we repeat this because of you? You can ask your question after that, okay?”

Me: “Okay, once more: Mate!”

(This time everything works and we can bow to end the lesson.)

Me: “[Child], what do you want to say?”

Child: “I just want to say that I have to leave two minutes earlier, as I need to catch the bus.”

Me: *face-floor*

Climbing To New Lows

| Alexandria, VA, USA | Friendly | February 20, 2016

(I (15) and my brother (19) both have gone to a climbing gym for eight years. I love the place to death, and hope to work their one day, but at this point I’m still too young. Because I love the place so much, I’ve been on all the offered teams, and now I will sometimes hang out while my brother is working during the junior team, for kids 7-14. Because the kids can be loud and rowdy I will help out the staff, telling kids to stop doing stupid things, etc. One day, while I’m climbing in a t-shirt with the gym’s logo on it, a woman approaches with a crying child in tow. My brother works there and is a head team coach.)

Woman: “YOU!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am?”

Woman: “A man JUMPED on my son!”

Me: “Okay, does he need ice? I can go ask a member of the staff—”

Woman: “I want the man who did this BANNED from the gym. He JUMPED on my SON! I want him BANNED!”

Me: “So, ma’am, I don’t actually work here, but if your son is really hurt, I think we should talk to someone who actually works here—”

Woman: “I will report you to your manager if you don’t ban that man right now.”

Me: “I actually don’t work here.”

Woman: “Just because your lazy a** doesn’t know how to deal with this doesn’t mean your stupid a** doesn’t work here.”

(Right then, my brother and my friend walk by and the lady just starts screaming at my friend.)

Woman: “YOU! YOU INJURED MY SON! HE’S A CHESS CHAMPION! HE CAN’T PLAY WITH A BROKEN ARM!”

Friend: *starts laughing*

Woman: “WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING, YOU A**HOLE! YOU BROKE MY SON’S ARM! HE CAN’T PLAY CHESS LIKE THIS!”

Friend: *to brother* “This kid was doing handstands while I was climbing. He got underneath me, he wouldn’t move, and I fell on him.” *to woman* “You want someone to blame? Blame your son.”

Woman: “WELL, HOW WAS HE SUPPOSED TO KNOW ANY BETTER! HE’S ONLY EIGHT!”

Me: “Ma’am, this gym encourages safety, and I know for a fact that the first thing they say to the team is to be careful around other climbers, so—”

Woman: “YOU! YOU LITTLE S***! THIS EMPLOYEE WAS A TOTAL B**** TO ME AND I DEMAND HE BE FIRED!”

Brother: “Ma’am, this is not an employee. He is a regular customer, and has been for the last eight years. Now, not only has your son violated a safety policy , but you have screamed at my brother and our customers for your son’s mistake. I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Woman: “MY SON IS A CHESS CHAMPION, AND HE CAN’T PLAY BECAUSE HE BROKE HIS ARM! YOU KICK THIS LITTLE S*** OUT OR I SUE!”

Brother: “All due respect, ma’am, but your son didn’t break his arm. And even if he did, you can’t sue, because you signed a waiver saying you wouldn’t.”

(The woman left the gym, screaming about chess the whole time.)

LGBTQAJ…

| Waterloo, ON, Canada | Romantic | November 27, 2015

(My boyfriend and I were just leaving the gym after a strenuous ab workout routine that I designed. It is important to point out for the sake of the story that my name is Jess.)

Boyfriend: “Send me those ab workouts again… I need to practice them.”

Me: “Sure. Heck, I can even send you the video I got them from. That way, you can watch a pretty girl doing them!”

Boyfriend: “So?”

Me: “I thought that was a good motivation for guys.”

Boyfriend: “Okay, first of all, I already got to watch a beautiful girl doing them. It was still difficult. Second of all, I’m changing my sexual orientation! I’m Jess-sexual!”

Me: “…You’re what, now?”

Boyfriend: “Jess-sexual! So, even when looking at other girls that may be subjectively pretty, I’m not attracted to them. I only have eyes for you.”

Me: “Awwww! …Wait, this doesn’t apply to other girls named Jess, does it?”

Boyfriend: “Okay, I’m Jess-[My Last Name]-sexual.”

Me: “Yeah, you were better off with the first one. I really don’t think we should make this more specific than it already is…”

Don’t Even Ink About Being Racist

| St Louis, MO, USA | Working | November 24, 2015

(I am a Hispanic woman and my coworkers are of various races. I have to write down a list of names for the swimming schedules when my pen, with blue ink, breaks before I write the last name.)

Me: “Great.”

(I write the last name with a black pen, before I sign my name at the bottom. A black coworker comes past.)

Coworker #1: “Hey, what’s THAT?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Coworker #1: “Oh, you WELL know what I mean!”

(She jabs a finger at the last name.)

Coworker #1: “That’s [Coworker #2]! You’re racist!”

(I have written my black coworker’s name in black ink, where everyone else, who happens to be white, Hispanic, and Chinese, aren’t.)

Me: “No, I’m not. The pen ran—”

Coworker #1: “Oh, no, don’t you start excusing. I’m going to get [Managers] on you!”

(She ran off, shrieking their names. I’m not punished at all after they laugh about it, all while my coworker was yelling about how ‘everyone she works with are god-d*** racists.’)

Working Like A Machine

| WA, USA | Working | November 19, 2015

(I work at a small gym where we get most of our cleaning and other duties done fairly quickly. Many of us workout during dead times. We have tvs on only one of the walls.)

Me: *to my manager* “Hey, if there’s nothing else you need me to do, I’d like to get a bit of a workout in, if that’s all right.”

Manager: “So long as you watch the door while you’re at it.”

Me: “Don’t worry; I’ll just be on [machine that’s near the door].”

Manager: “That’s great. I always turn that one around when I workout and I have to watch the door. Here let me help you!”

(She helps me turn it around.)

Manager: “Perfect! Now you can see the door perfectly.”

Me: *jokingly* “Aw man, but now I can’t watch TV.” *beat* “Not that I watch TV on the clock.”

Page 4/14First...23456...Last